Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: visa

Yes, yes.. I’m still here.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Gratitude, Life, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

I’ve been lazy and busy at the same time for the last little while. I sometimes go through a non-desire to write and the most recent time period was it. I’ll admit to being a little bit of a WoW addict of late. (Yes, that is the first step to healing). But it is a cheap escape for me and the puzzles do exercise the mind in many ways. I think I’ve gotten a little bored with work. The excitement is down and I think I’m getting a little worried about the visa situation. I’m still waiting to hear. I think if it does fail, I’ll head to BC (Vancouver) and ride out the year there. It’d suck but, one does what ya have to do.

I have gotten a little bit excited about a new site that I’m helping out on: ButchFemmePlanet. Coming in at the ground level, it’s re-energinzed my non-work related geek to poke at vBulletin more and to do a little work on VeganBodybuilding site (I’m the admin there too). I have to say that BFP definitely feels like a breath of fresh air and has a good community feel about it. The community feeling is important to me. It adds to that sense of belonging and purpose that we often want in life beyond our partners. Anyways, it’s refueled my desire to re-learn PHP, go more advanced and get beyond that. I’ll be investigating into some things I could do to improve the blog a bit but we’ll see.

The NaNoWriMo failed for me this year. It was that whole bored/lazy thing. I dunno why but the idea I had at first fizzled. I used to have such a creative mind but now, not so much. It’s made me wonder if some of that is the T. My emotions and how I display them have certainly changed. I find I cannot cry any more (things that would have me sniffling barely get a whimper). It’s a very hard thing to come to grips with. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them, it’s just that I cannot show it like I used to.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This has never been a huge holiday for me largely because we never visited family and associated meaning with the holiday. When I learned the true history of Thanksgiving, that it wasn’t as “Rockwellian” as we’d believe, it lost it’s importance to me even more. It’s shocking how everyone here talks about how it’s for family and such — and then I see a lot of the grocery stores open (albeit with shortened hours). It is a commercialized holiday to the Nth degree and that really does suck. For us, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but rather our 3rd year together. We first started dating on Thanksgiving in 2006 (although online) and it’s been an amazing 3 years. Certainly we’ve had bumps and bruises along the way but I have found that we’ve gotten closer and love each other more now than before. It’s an awesome feeling. I made a pure vegan dinner — tofurky, vegan dumplings, potatos, onions, carrots, gravy and a vegan wish bone — that we thoroughly enjoyed. And then we watched Bruno. That has to be the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised that it made it to theaters and that lawsuits of one sort or another didn’t prevent it from airing. There were some parts that were just downright funny and others that surprised me that the audience didn’t kill him.

Anyways, online blog buddy DolphynGyrl wanted to know what 5 things we’re thankful for this holiday season so here are mine:

1. I am thankful that I finally found my path in life, even if it took a few years.

2. I am thankful that I have a job I love (yes, I do still love my job)

3. I am thankful for good health of friends and family

4. I am thankful that Bobcat is still around, cranky as ever.

5. I am thankful for K being in my life. Without her, life would be lonely and very plain.

Someone give me some cheese please.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, transition, Traveling/Work .

Well, it was a busy and exhausting week. I do love teaching and I love it even more, when doing online, to share the duties with someone else. However, there are a couple of courses I teach online that only need one instructor (largely due to the size of the class) and I had both of those this week. The reviews were really good. To add even more to ending the week on a good note, I found out I passed my certification (I had written the beta version of the certification in August and there has been some mix up over results).

But while all this is good, there are still things that dampened my happiness. K’s mom sent back my birth certificate stuff (I asked her to be my guarantor since I need someone who’s a “professional”) and I sent that off to Ontario’s Registrar General. I’m hoping that they do a quick turn-over on that and that I didn’t miss anything. It’s annoying to not have my email match my name. Once the birth certificate is done, then I send it off to Employment Canada to get my SIN (Social Insurance Number) redone. I figure that’ll be done by the end of the year (given the speed of most government departments). I kinda wonder if it’s a global thing that government departments run at the pace of a slow moving snail. Maybe it’s a requirement or something?

Honestly, however, it’s not the name change thing that’s bugging me. It’s surgery. Two specifically. While the second isn’t as critical (yet) for me, the first one is: top surgery (double mastectomy) and bottom (for now, hysterectomy would suffice). I can’t get it covered under my present plan and they specifically exclude GRS/SRS from coverage. If I switch to another provider (assuming that the HealthCare Reform doesn’t go through), I technically have a pre-existing condition (GID) that could preclude me from coverage there. Which really sucks. So, I’m going to have to save (about $10,000) in addition to paying off debt.

Sigh.

I just have to remind myself I can do this. It’s very conceivable to save up the money as well as pay off the debt.  It’s kind of like having motivation to lose weight: being determined as to what the final goal is. Does it mean I’ll fall off the wagon now and again? Oh, sure. But if I keep at it, I’ll have more steps forward than back. I think one of the things that would help (well, two actually) is a slight raise (haven’t had one in a couple of years now) and a green card. I think both of those would be welcomed. In just over 13 months, my present visa will expire (unless they get the extension, which tacks on another 2 years to it). I’d rather have the green card. I think I’ve proven that I’m here for the company and will be staying well beyond the life of the green card. Either Oct or November will be annual review time so I’m going to have to figure out how to word this best.

Sometimes, I just wish I could win the lottery — even a little 2nd place. I know I’m not in a horrible situation and know that I put myself in this situation but there are times when I could just use the breather. And don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the beautiful love in my life and the job I have. I know many others are no where near that. But… [insert whiney voice here]

An update on life..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition .

Well, this week promises to be exciting:

– I should be hearing back finally on my certification attempt (required for work). I did the beta exam and for that, a pass is a pass. If I don’t pass, then I’ll have to try the regular exam, of which I need 85% to pass.

– I should also be getting back forms from my g/f’s mom, who I asked to be my guarantor for my birth certificate (stage 1 of the name change thing). Once I get those, I’ll send them off to Ontario Registry Ministry for my new birth certificate. Then I can go after my SIN and Passport.

– This week will mark my final tax payment to the Canadian gov’t for my 2007 taxes. After this I only worry about US taxes. The money I’ve been paying to them will go towards CCs and EF (emergency fund), which I need to work on again.

So lots of good things coming. I do still need to be more vigilant on my spending and be more aware of what I am buying. A return back to a vegan lifestyle will likely help me in that endeavor. I’ve been trying to make some money off my cigar blog but it’s been slow going. Perhaps with an increased/improved economy next year it might happen. I have being going at the surveys but haven’t seen an actual cheque (although I am seeing some money accrue).

Oct/Nov should be annual review months and I do think I am in a position to ask for a raise and promotion. I’ll have to be asking for my visa to be extended or replaced with a green card. If I don’t get a green card or a new visa, I’ll have to leave the US for a year and won’t be able to work there for that year. Definitely not good for me or my company. I know they’ve gotten green cards for others so I think it’s just a matter of patience and urgency.

I’ll also start saving all bonuses and tax returns for a surgery fund. Although I don’t need a lot (about $7500-10,000), I know that under the present health benefits program I won’t be able to get my necessary surgeries covered. And that is causing me more and more grief. I know if I didn’t get myself into this financial situation I could have done this already but.. I’m in this situation now and am going to get out of it. It’s slow slogging but I’m definitely chipping away at things.

All-in-all, life is good. Not great but good.

I am finally me (sniffles and all)..

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, LGBTQ, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

*snork*

*sniffle*

Ah yes, allergies. Gawd, how I hate them. I just got back from San Francisco only to be hit head first by them. I know I’m not sick but just feel miserable because of my sinuses. Hopefully it’ll end by today or tomorrow. That or I’ll be investing in Sudafed for a while.

Last week went well for the most part. 99% of people I ran into got it right. Even TSA did! I was rather surprised at that. The reason was that the law changed as of Aug 15 and all airlines were required to match gender with passport, full name, etc. For some reason American Airlines didn’t put the gender down on the ticket (whether going to San Fran or coming back) but I was never questioned about it. Granted, it could be the ol’ white male privilege hitting in but who knows. Either way, I was glad I didn’t get challenged. Made life easier. I’m getting more comfortable in the washroom (as comfortable as one can get in washrooms that are dirty and often in disrepair). One colleague still needs to work on the name and gender thing. The reality is that I don’t see my colleagues except once or twice a year so mistakes are expected. The majority (about 95%) get it right and even get it right after a few drinks (LOL).

That all said, the name portion will have to definitely change since I’m going to the lawyer’s today to pick up the certified copies of my legal name change and begin the journey to get new birth certificate, new Canadian SIN (Social Insurance Number), new Canadian passport, new US VISA, new US SSN, etc.

Sigh.

Not looking forward to this. But I was frugal about the whole thing. I only cost me the basic costs (e.g., submission of name change, necessary forms, etc.). Lawyers’ fees were gratis thanks to an organization here (TDLEF). It’s amazing how much one can save on legal fees if you just look around. There are a lot of organizations that have been created (I can think of LEGIT in Ontario that helps bi-national LGBTQ couples get residency and such in Canada) to help individuals.

On the financial front, I’ve started applying to those survey sites. It’s definitely something I can do while even on the road. If I made an extra $1-2000 a year, that can either go towards surgery funds (since all of what I need done isn’t covered) or towards paying off debt (although this year I’ll be asking for a decent size raise since I haven’t had one in two years and my role has become more senior; I suspect I’m due!).

Speaking of the financial front, as of Sept 15th my Canadian Taxes will be paid off. That money will be going to one or two of the credit cards along with an extra amount to emergency fund. I still have a long haul in front of me but if I keep chipping at it, it will shrink down to near nothingness.

Like Dory from Finding Nemo says “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..”

The Catch-22 of a Name Change

Posted on by Posted in transition .

As a Canadian living in the US, I face neat little challenges regularly. Red tape is a fact of life by being this kind of visitor. Now, of course, being a Canadian I am honest about what I am and what I do. I follow the rules, particularly when it comes to US Immigration et al. And so I was recently faced with the chicken and egg concept: when changing one’s name in the US, as a non-citizen, what do I change first: SSN or Passport? The answer, I figure, is passort and work visa. So I went to the TDELF to have them help me navigate the waters of the US legal system. Apparently, I’m one of the first they’ve ever had who has changed the name in the US and then gets to face the home nation and it’s red-tape.

Once all the appropriate documents were filed and once the name publication is done, I will be able to obtain my certified copies of name change (10 in all). YAY ME! So as the lawyer goes through that process, I decided to get a head start on the Canadian side of thing. I called the Ontario Registry (they look after births, deaths and marriages) and asked about how to get my birth certificate modified. They explained it, saying that all I’d need is the certified copy, a letter from a guarantor and why I was using a non-Canadian for it (i.e., have been living in the US for two years now). Simple enough. One red tape issue addressed. I then called Passport Canada.

Now things get tricky. To get the new passport I need the amended birth certificate along with a signed piece of ID. No problem right? NOT. The 2nd ID MUST have the new name. The thing is, I do not drive and have no other form of ID other than passport. So I’m kind of in a chicken-and-egg thing. In order to get State ID, I must use my passport and visa but I suspect that will only get ID that will reflect my now-old name. In order to get State ID with new name, I need my passport to reflect that and.. oh wait.. You can see the quandary I’m in. So, I think I’m going to try to see about updating my SIN card (that’s a Social Insurance Number in Canada for those of you from the US). I think I used that previously to get my passport done.

I figure the wait time for the two initial pieces of ID — birth certificate and SIN card — will take until sometime mid-November. So come January I’ll have to trek up to Toronto or Montreal or even Halifax or even Calgary (actually, maybe Montreal, Halifax or Calgary– I can visit family in any of those cities and get the NEXUS while there as well) to get the passport done. Perhaps I should also get a federal ID card while I’m at it (Canadian citizenship card, I believe they are called). I think once the SIN is done I can then do all the credit cards. And once the passport is done then I can get the US SSN done and have that reflective — FINALLY — on my work email. I’m still hopeful that a green card is in my future but if I can get all this done before the final application for that is done, then life will be good.  Whatever the process, I will be documenting it here as I have a feeling I’m not the first nor will I be the last person who has to do this.

Ain’t government process fun?? 🙂

Rambles on a Sunday morning

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

This past week has been particularly brutal — as far as teaching went — but I came out with flying colours and an amazing review. I can’t post it here (company confidential and all that) but suffice to say that I (and my colleague) did so well teaching that we topped a few decades of professional courses. This week coming up I’m off platform and then off to San Francisco to teach for the week. I think my pass rate is now up to about 90% so my transition is continuing along nicely. I still have some body issues (gender related) and am still trying to figure out how to address top surgery (mostly the cost).

I’m contemplating using a tax return (next year?) to use as the base or most of it and then continue from there. I find it so frustrating at times knowing that if I stayed in Ontario a bit longer this could have been taken care of and would be one less stressor in my life. Anyways, it’s fine. There are, sometimes, more important things to life than the materialistic view we put on things. I’m not foolish enough to believe that Obama’s Health care reform will include SRS/GRS surgery support. I’ve looked over the various websites and listened to recent Weekly Address and know that it’s not there. In fact, I worry that as a legal foreign worker (on a valid visa) whether I would get covered here or not, even if I’m paying into my benefits program.

Those unknown things are always a challenge. Add on to it that I’m still figuring out how the program works. PPO vs HMO vs Exclusive PPO. Deductibles vs non-deductible programs. Sigh. How about just “coverage”? How about not telling me that I must go to this hospital/HMO to get covered? And as much as I try to research this stuff, there seems little info out there that’s really helpful. And if I decided to drop it, I cannot find a provider (at least for a reasonable price in NYC) that will cover what I want. But even in Canada, not all provinces cover GRS. As of this writing only 2 do (BC and Ontario). I think many have a misconception that GRS/SRS is an optional thing. It really isn’t. This isn’t like elective plastic surgery. This is more akin to reconstructive surgery after an accident or due to an ailment.

Anyways, on to some happier stuff. This week is rather important as Tuesday I will be standing in front of a judge for a name change. This is the 2nd time in my life I do this. And when I consider what the meaning of my original name (“pool” or “running water”) to my choosen name (“flax”) it made me think that it is a growth kind of thing. In order to grow flax, you do need water and soil. I suppose one could use the soul as the soil, the Before life as the water and the Present life as the seed to the future (flax). Well, it sounds romantic and inspiring to a degree.

Video Blog Entry for June 12, 2009

Family is still family no matter how it’s defined.

Posted on by Posted in Life, transgender, transition .

Well, life will be slowing down a little this summer (or at least for a month or so) for me as far as work is concerned. I have to get prepared for new courses and I may be lead instructor on one or two courses (*insert Snoopy dance here hoping it will happen*). I’m still working out with HR what the email out to my colleagues should be. And while it’s been fun to be bachelor for the last couple of weeks, I’m really looking forward to having K back this week. It’s been awfully quiet and lonely without her. She is definitely my everything. While I sometimes let work get me to busy, there are times when I get lost looking into her eyes.

And it’s interesting. If someone had told me years ago that this was my path and I would be so happy, I wouldn’t have believed them. Granted, lately, I’ve let myself get into a rut of not doing a lot (creatively I’ve been drained of late which is why I’m not posting as much) but I know that’s cyclical and I’ll probably end up in a creative streak later. I still have to work on my bio-novel from last year. Plus start a new blog. Tomorrow I’m going to go to start the actual legal process of changing my name. I’ve been living with both names for a while now. It’s one of the things I still have yet to officially address.

The only other thing would be the official gender. After some research, I realized I can do it but would have to have at least one surgery done. This means for a long time I will be open to what society forces on me to reveal about myself. Things like travel mean that I have to let others know about how I was born and that who I am in relation to that is different. Some parts of society chooses to ignore this but there are larger segments that do not and can be violent about it. I won’t lie. It does worry me insofar as my life in general but more in regards to what the future holds. K and I have talked about kids in the future. I dream of the day when I’m there for my kids; playing, teaching, laughing, crying. But I do worry about how society might interfere with our lives. Some places don’t allow for same-sex adoptive parents (technically, I would fall under that). Thankfully, California and Canada both do that so if K and I lived in either I could legally be “daddy”. But what of the other states? Why do I have to fit into the single notion of what family is and what a guy is?

I earn an honest living;  I support my family and will support it when we have kids; I pay my taxes; obey the law; I’m part of my community (when in town and when I can). I cannot imagine what others go through to feel so much hate against others that they deny basic rights to those that don’t fit into their picture of what a person is or what a family should look like. Why can I not just able to enjoy life like anyone else? I will say that I am grateful for the life I do have and tonight will think of those whose families aren’t together at all.

Namaste.

What’s in a name?

Posted on by Posted in Daily life .

Well, it’s been busy of late and that’s been part of why I haven’t posted recently. I’ll also admit to be being lazy these last few days as I’ve been sucked back into playing WoW. It’s actually been a fun time waster. K is visiting family for two weeks so I’m in bachelor mode. As fun as it is, I do miss K being here. It’s too quiet and I miss all the snuggles, hugs, kisses and, well.. you get the idea. Life has been pretty good this past little while. I’d say that I’m passing about 80% of the time now. And I’ve begun to use my chosen name but still need to get the official name change done. I’m still not looking forward to this because of the number of documents that I have to change: birth certificate, passport, SIN card, SSN card, credit cards, work visa, etc. I can see why there is a huge advantage to doing this early in life. Once your world footprint is out there, it’s hard to adjust it after the fact. But the sooner I start, the sooner I can finish it.

One thing that is about to change (starting August 15, 2009) that concerns me is that all government ID that is used for air travel within and into/out of the US will have to have match and full names will have to be used on all travel. For most people this isn’t an issue but identifying someone’s name, date of birth and gender does seem like a bit of an invasion of privacy. Sure, I’m certainly public about who I am but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to know it. People who come to this blog know me through one manner or another. I don’t tell strangers I’m transgendered/transsexual unless I’m outright asked and even then, it’s still my prerogative. This will effectively out me and others. Let’s be clear about something. While this is couched by the Department of Homeland Security as a method of identifying terrorists this really isn’t. It’s almost akin to security through obscurity (that is, if we hide it then it will be secure). The assumption here is that terrorists are truthful as to who they are. Names can change, birth certificates changed, etc. If you truly want to be secure, educate the populace as to what to look for; have a better foreign policy that doesn’t deliberately go out of its way to piss off others and a variety of other options.

If organizations want to be more secure, have more inspection tables and more thorough inspections. Require people to be checked-in, luggaged and in the terminal an hour before the flight leaves. Anything later should mean taking the next flight. In an information age where anyone can be anybody, it makes sense to remove that dependence on actual paper ID and rely more on the person themselves. It’s more about what a person has with them that is questionable than their identity when it comes to security overall. The only benefit to truly tracking identity is to track where people are going, assuming that their ID is valid, in an attempt to find illegal immigrants or to try to be pre-emptive (although that is nearly impossible to do unless one can read minds).

I think once I get my name changed on my passport, I will get Nexus to make my travel between Canada and the US easier. The only reasons I go between the countries is either for work or to visit family. Doing the whole custom thing over and over again is getting old. Welp, enough writing for today. Time to play. Have a great rest of the day.

Life or something like it (ver. 0.1)

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

In some ways so much is going on and yet, it does seem, in other ways that it isn’t that important. K and I went and saw Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail. This isn’t Oscar material but dayum, was funny! I needed funny. I’m doing better and I know that Rosie is in a better place now. I do want to thank everyone for their kind words. It has been greatly appreciated. I’ve been surprised how much has flowed. I know that some people don’t consider furrkids like kids and don’t understand how someone can get upset over a little critter but we can and do. Bobcat, I suspect, is starting to go through a bit of depression. She’s finally realized she’s the only one left. She’s been loking for Rosie and is starting to realize she’s not around or coming back. Since I’ve been in my office a lot lately (getting ready for an online teach this week), she’s taken to sitting beside or behind me. She’s also taken to being talkative (more like yelling) during the night. I’m hoping that this subsides soon as it kept me up most of the night. We leave our bedroom door open for her and I’ve even tried bringing her to bed so she won’t feel alone but no go.

Transitioning still seems like it will take forever to complete or move to the next stage. Part of that has been due to a hectic work schedule. It’s hard to schedule doctor’s visits when I can’t take half-days like I used to. As an instructor, I kind of have to be there for the full day. I try to schedule around my teaching schedule but the problem then arises that the doctor only has Wednesday’s available. This means that I have to find weeks that I’m not teaching to accommodate the doctor — and that can be a pain. Right now I’m trying to get something for the first week of April — only to be told that they don’t have April’s schedule yet. As a result, I’ll likely push out any top surgery until August since my May is booking up really fast.

Adding insult to injury was the fact that for a day or two, I didn’t seem to pass. I’m not sure what it is I’m doing — although I suspect it’s a voice thing. Time will settle that down. I also need to be more conscious of how I talk. Mannerisms do make a difference. I did find a few sites that talk about how the way men and women talk differently. I need to work on that a little more. It’s usually little things like talking slower, moving hands more (it’s too cold so that’s less likely), being definitive, etc. There are some things that I don’t want to do as I classify them as disrespectful masculine behaviours (e.g., dominance of a conversation, invasion of personal space, interrupting others, etc.) but I don’t think that one is male by doing those habits. I think that’s just rude.

I have been contemplating that perhaps losing weight will help me present more male, especially if I put on more muscle. I’ve never had a desire to be super skinny but rather “stocky” muscular. For me to do that, I’d need to lose about 40-60lbs. Not a lot but certainly, not a little. I actually had started “running” (more walking than running but definitely more movement) last week. I was doing it once every 2-3 days. I should have gone today but wussed out on being too tired. I may not be able to go to GIP tonight but perhaps I’ll go to bed early and then get up early with K to go for a quick run in the morning. The one advantage of teaching in CST timezone is that it’s a little later in the morning and means I can do a bit more. It will mean teaching a bit later in the evening but that’s livable for now.

What has been interesting, in my simple opinion, is that no one challenges me on these changes — outside of immediate friends and family (even then, it’s minimal). I keep expecting someone to have issue with me and yet, I haven’t faced it. My job is very public and very much customer facing. When I travel, I deal with all sorts of security types who seem to have no issue with the fact that I don’t like exactly like my photo (my face has changed considerably since I had the picture taken in Jan 08). I might try and see if I can get my name change done soon. There may be an opportunity for me to go to Vancouver in April and if so, it might be the perfect time to get a new passport done. I’m going to go on Monday to talk with the lawyers at the name changing clinic to see what advice they can offer (since it’s free) and how I might be able to go about doing this.

There will be other travel possible — San Fran in May and possibly Orlando in April (in addiction to Vancouver). It’s actually interesting since the company said they wanted to reduce travel costs. Granted, for the first quarter (Jan-Mar) I’ve been pretty much home based. I’ve been doing lots of online and have had only one week in Chicago. The rest has been online, in city (Wall Street area) or off-platform (not teaching but “learning”).

I think I’ll also file my taxes for the US on Monday. It’s weird. I’d get a decent chunk of change back from the federal level, only to have to give a decent amount of that to the state level. And I’m not quite sure how they do this. If I owe at the state level, is it just removed from my fed refund and I get the difference or do I have to actually pay the state level? (If I actually have to pay the state level, that’s just asinine). There’s a local H&R Block here who has a tax consultant from Canada. I figure he might be a good fit for me — and maybe he can help me with Revenue Canada (who’s still dragging their feet on last year’s tax return).

Anyways, nothing too exciting but it is life, no?