Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: vegan

Yes, yes.. I’m still here.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Gratitude, Life, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

I’ve been lazy and busy at the same time for the last little while. I sometimes go through a non-desire to write and the most recent time period was it. I’ll admit to being a little bit of a WoW addict of late. (Yes, that is the first step to healing). But it is a cheap escape for me and the puzzles do exercise the mind in many ways. I think I’ve gotten a little bored with work. The excitement is down and I think I’m getting a little worried about the visa situation. I’m still waiting to hear. I think if it does fail, I’ll head to BC (Vancouver) and ride out the year there. It’d suck but, one does what ya have to do.

I have gotten a little bit excited about a new site that I’m helping out on: ButchFemmePlanet. Coming in at the ground level, it’s re-energinzed my non-work related geek to poke at vBulletin more and to do a little work on VeganBodybuilding site (I’m the admin there too). I have to say that BFP definitely feels like a breath of fresh air and has a good community feel about it. The community feeling is important to me. It adds to that sense of belonging and purpose that we often want in life beyond our partners. Anyways, it’s refueled my desire to re-learn PHP, go more advanced and get beyond that. I’ll be investigating into some things I could do to improve the blog a bit but we’ll see.

The NaNoWriMo failed for me this year. It was that whole bored/lazy thing. I dunno why but the idea I had at first fizzled. I used to have such a creative mind but now, not so much. It’s made me wonder if some of that is the T. My emotions and how I display them have certainly changed. I find I cannot cry any more (things that would have me sniffling barely get a whimper). It’s a very hard thing to come to grips with. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them, it’s just that I cannot show it like I used to.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This has never been a huge holiday for me largely because we never visited family and associated meaning with the holiday. When I learned the true history of Thanksgiving, that it wasn’t as “Rockwellian” as we’d believe, it lost it’s importance to me even more. It’s shocking how everyone here talks about how it’s for family and such — and then I see a lot of the grocery stores open (albeit with shortened hours). It is a commercialized holiday to the Nth degree and that really does suck. For us, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but rather our 3rd year together. We first started dating on Thanksgiving in 2006 (although online) and it’s been an amazing 3 years. Certainly we’ve had bumps and bruises along the way but I have found that we’ve gotten closer and love each other more now than before. It’s an awesome feeling. I made a pure vegan dinner — tofurky, vegan dumplings, potatos, onions, carrots, gravy and a vegan wish bone — that we thoroughly enjoyed. And then we watched Bruno. That has to be the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised that it made it to theaters and that lawsuits of one sort or another didn’t prevent it from airing. There were some parts that were just downright funny and others that surprised me that the audience didn’t kill him.

Anyways, online blog buddy DolphynGyrl wanted to know what 5 things we’re thankful for this holiday season so here are mine:

1. I am thankful that I finally found my path in life, even if it took a few years.

2. I am thankful that I have a job I love (yes, I do still love my job)

3. I am thankful for good health of friends and family

4. I am thankful that Bobcat is still around, cranky as ever.

5. I am thankful for K being in my life. Without her, life would be lonely and very plain.

Cake recipe, plans, dreams and 40th (good grief!)

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, recipes, vegan stuff .

funny-pictures-cat-is-canadianI doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.

And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.

And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.

Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.

I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.

More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.

And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.

Getting financially and physically fit

Posted on by Posted in transgender, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

One of the nice side effects of teaching at home is that I tend to not spend as much financially. I just can’t go out to the store and buy things. I just don’t see the “things” out there. But one down side is that I tend to become a bit of a home body and my body tends to become a specific shape (round). I remember when I used to bike to and from work a few years ago. I was able to keep my weight down without being super skinny. I actually liked being “stocky” and was ok with being a few pounds overweight (for my height I’m supposed to be about 110-125 lbs — I really am big boned and find I look best around 140-150) but didn’t want to be obese. A side effect of traveling is the food that often ends up being eaten, even if a vegan (e.g., fries and the like). I’ve been a horrible vegan and have done a few slips over the last few months.

I don’t know why (perhaps it’s the T kicking in more) but my cravings for salt have gone to huge cravings for dead things. While it’s been mostly fish (I suspect due to heritage and early childhood experiences) I’m afraid of a slippery slope effect. I need to get back on track. My schedule for Oct/Nov/Dec has too much of a mixture for me to focus long enough on getting back into shape. But starting January I’ll be home, if my schedule sticks, for 3 months (except for one week in Toronto) starting usually at 9am CST (that’s 10am for me) with an occasional 8am CST start (9am for me). I figured if I could find a gym close enough that was open early enough it might be an option for me to go early in the morning (say 5-6am to beat the business rush). I know enough about fitness and training that I should be able to do this on my own — it’s just will power and consistency. Because I will have 3 months where I could get into a rhythm and turn it from an occasional thing into a more permanent activity and habit this could prove well at helping me lose some weight before we move out west. It would also help for when I get ready to have surgery (weight loss for larger sized FTMs is often a pre-requisite).

Now, while I have great idears reality may slap me in the face. I found one gym that is 24 hours M-F and has early hours on Sat/Sun. The one challenge will be, of course, the change rooms. It’ll be winter so I can’t really just dress in gym clothes, work out and leave. Most gyms I know won’t allow people to keep their bags/jackets near them when they work out and lockers are often inside the change room area. I doubt that this gym will be “trans friendly” but who knows. I may luck out. I just have this feeling that I won’t be able to use it in the winter or I will have to come dress in my gear and have minimal ID/cash on me. I’m still trying to figure out how best I could do this. Have any other trans individuals dealt with this?

Vegan Recipe: Vegan Spicy Comfort Hashbrowns

Posted on by Posted in recipes, vegan stuff .

Ok. I admit it. I’m lazy sometimes. But even in my most laziest mode, I do think I can come up with some neat recipes. Here’s one that K loves with the vegan mayo or a bit of ketchup or both.

A little too much mayo but still, oh-so-good.

A little too much mayo but still, oh-so-good.

2 medium onions, diced

1-2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 Mexican Chipotle Field Roast Sausages, sliced (you can order them from Vegan Store)

1-2 red bell peppers, diced (optional)

1 bag of Cavendish Farms Hash Browns

1-2 tablespoons of vegetable/olive oil

salt and pepper to taste (optional)

In a large wok or pan, heat the oil. Sautee the onion and garlic until the onion is translucent (about 2-5 min, depending on your stove). Add the red peppers and stir fry about 3-5 minutes. Add the sausage and cook covered about 5-7 min, stirring occasionally. Finally, add the hash browns. Cook covered, stirring occasionally. This will take the longest, especially if the hash browns were frozen. Ensure that the mixture is well mixed (the hash browns will absorb some of the chipotle flavour and colour so don’t be surprised if they appear a tinge red). Add more a touch more oil if the hash browns are burning too quickly. Cook covered, stirring regularly. Add salt and pepper if you want. This will take between 15-30 minutes depending if the hash browns are frozen or not.

Once all of it is cooked, serve in bowls or on a plate with a side salad. Should feed about 6-8 servings (depending on the size of your “serving” 😉 )

Enjoy.

Vegan Recipes: Spicy Black Bean Soup and Vegan Chicken Soup

Posted on by Posted in recipes, vegan stuff .

I thought, since I’m at home this week, I’d make most of the dinners. I am, however, a rather lazy cook and often look for things that are simple, easy and will last a while (or so I hope). So crockpot/slow cooker recipes as well as large stew/soup recipes are favourites of mine. It also helps stretch that ever shrinking dollar. K and I had been talking about what soups she likes and she does sorta like Amy’s Black Bean but said that often they lack a “omph” as far as flavour/spicyness goes. So I thought why not make a nice spicy black bean soup for her? The internet happens to be my favourite recipe book ever. And in my searches I found this simple recipe: Black Bean Vegetable Soup. I pretty much stuck to the recipe with two exceptions:

  1. I used a slow cooker at the end rather than a soup pot. I stuck it on low and let it simmer away for a couple of hours. The apartment smelled great!
  2. I add in some cajun spices my aunt gave me over the holidays. Lots of ’em!

It wasn’t enough to cure K’s cold but was good enough for her to have two huge bowls of it. The recipe technically feeds 8 but I think K ate enough for 4! (I also had two small bowls myself along with some bread and vegan mayo I made). K’s cold, however, got worse over night and she canceled a date with a dear friend to stay at home in bed. Of course, everyone knows what the fix is for that: chicken soup. But since we’re vegan, that’s a definite no-no so I searched for some nice vegan “chicken” soups. And found this one on About.com. Again, I stuck with the recipe as is but made a few minor changes:

The local grocery stores have “vegetable soup kits” in their produce aisle. I got one that cost me about $3.25 and had all the basics needed for soup: turnip, leek, onion, celery, fresh basil, fresh parsley, carrots, parsnip. I used that to replace some of the ingredients listed. I added a couple of potatos.

  • Used pre-minced garlic and added a couple of large slices of ginger
  • Used Whitewave StirFry Seitan Strips and coated them with salt and pepper (next time will marinate over night in No Chicken Broth)
  • Used 8 cups of No Chicken Broth
  • Used 2 cups of vegan vegetable sea salt and herb bouillon
  • Add a couple of sprigs of fresh thyme to the parsley/basil bundle
  • ground in the fresh pepper and added in about another 1-2 tsp of black pepper
  • added sea salt
  • added cajun spice (about 1-2 teaspoons)
  • used 2 tbsps sunflower oil (didn’t have any olive oil on hand)
  • let it simmer for two hours and served with saltines (salted kind)
  • added 2 cups of water after removing the bundle

This is comfort food. It’s not about diets and losing weight. And it definitely seemed to help K a bit.

Vegan Recipe: Vegan Mayo with a kick!

Posted on by Posted in recipes, vegan stuff .

Vegan Spicy MayoAfter doing some research I think I found one of the keys to a decent vegan mayo recipe: safflower oil and proportion. This, at least, creates a creamy vegan mayo. I’m still trying to figure out how to make a thicker version but for now this is actually pretty good. One of the important factor is the ratio of about 2.25 parts of oil to 1 part soy milk (unsweetened, non-flavoured kind). Basically, my recipe is this:

1/2 cup of unsweetened, unflavoured organic soy milk
1 1/2 cups of safflower oil
2 tbsp of apple cider vinger
2 tbsp fine sugar (avoid using raw sugar or other larger sugar types as they will not disintegrate properly)
3/4 tsp of mustard powder
3/4 tsp of sea salt
1/2 cup of extra firm silken tofu
pinch of cajun spice (optional — or other spice; fresh chopped garlic also good alternative)

Make sure the soy milk is chilled. I suspect this helps thicken the mixture even more. Add the milk to a blender or food processor and blend it well. It should be rather “frothy”. S-L-O-W-L-Y add the oil. This may take upwards of 10-15 minutes to do but it helps ensure that the oil is blended thoroughly with the milk. Stop the blender/processor and carefully scrap the sides down. Add the vinager, sugar, mustard and sea salt. Blend all of those with the liquid. Once thoroughly blended, chop up the tofu, add it to the mixture and blend until smooth and creamy. At this point, the mayo is ready for serving. Store your mayo in a mason jar and mark when it was made. I suspect it’ll last (if not eaten too quickly) for about 7-10 days in the fridge. If you want it to have a “kick”, make the last ingredient mixed in (after the tofu) your spice of choice. You can also stir this in afterwards to make a creamy dip for things like chips, veggies, etc. This also makes a nice alternative to soy spread on things like toast and/or in sandwiches.
Enjoy!

Love Story: K and Linus 2 Years later (& Vegan Thanksgiving)

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Gratitude, Life, recipes .

Wow. Hard to believe that two years have passed. K and I first met online just over two years ago. And two years ago on Thanksgiving I asked her out officially. Our first year was hard because of distance and life’s challenges but we survived it. Every day I realize how lucky I am to not only have a job, a roof over my head and a path to where I’m going but also have this beautiful woman beside me. There are times where her beauty makes me want to cry in joy and love. Most people are shocked at our age difference but quite honestly, I’ve never noticed. With K I feel totally alive, younger than I am and whole. We laugh lots. We’re silly at times. We have great “adult fun” and we even just enjoy being with each other. I’m totally thankful that this woman walked into my life when I least expected it. And hope that it lasts the entire rest of my lifetime.

I love you, K!

Tonight I made a tofurky for us as well as mashed vegan sweet potatoes with a mushroom gravy since we won’t be together for Thanksgiving (she’s visiting family back in Los Angeles).

Linus’ Vegan Mashed Sweet Potatoes:

4 regular yams/sweet potatos
2 Idaho potatos
2 small onions, chopped
4-5 shitake mushrooms, thinly sliced and chopped
4-5 garlic cloves, diced
olive oil to coat pan in
soy spread
mushroom broth
ground sage
1-2 tbsp of vanilla soy creamer
salt
pepper
garlic powder/salt
onion salt

Clean and cut the potatos into chunks. Put into a pot of boiling water and let boil until all are soft. In a pan, sautee and brown chopped onions on med-low heat in olive oil. I use a heavy iron skillet and add water when the onions potentially stick (about 4-5 min). Stirring often can lessen sticking problems When the onions are browned, add garlic and sautee until brown (about 2-3 min). Finally, add mushrooms and sprinkle salt, pepper and sage. Mix it thoroughly and turn heat to low and cover.

While the mushrooms/onion mix is cooking, draining the potatos and put back into the pot. Mash with fork or wooden spoon if masher isn’t available. Add soy spread, 1/4 cup at a time. In regular mashed, milk is used to make them creamy. In vegan option, soy spread can be used. Add soy creamer to help. As the mixture becomes more and more creamer, add salt, pepper, galic powder/salt and onion powder to taste.

Once mushroom/onion mix is cooked, mix into potatos. Serve hot.

Linus Mushroom gravy (modified from Tofurky recipe):

4 cups of organic mushroom broth
1/2 cup of unbleached flour (although I used wheat flour)
2 tbsp of olive oil
4-5 shitake mushrooms, thinly sliced and chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
sage
salt
pepper
5-6 drops of Louisanna Hot sauce

In a pan, sautee and brown chopped onions on med-low heat in olive oil. I use a heavy iron skillet and add water when the onions potentially stick (about 4-5 min). Stirring often can lessen sticking problems When the onions are browned, add garlic and sautee until brown (about 2-3 min). Finally, add mushrooms and sprinkle salt, pepper and sage. Mix it thoroughly and turn heat to low and cover.

In a pot mix the olive oil and flour, heating at low-med heat. Add broth. Cook thorough, mixing with a whisk to ensure all the lumps are gone. As it heats it will thicken. Once thick, add mushroom/onion mix. Cover and heat on low-med heat, stirring out lumps occassionally. This should take about 10 min. Then add hot sauce and continue to cook on low for another 10 min.

Polls Results: My transition and veganism

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Thanks to everyone who participated, ya bunch of nosy nellies! LOL.

Seriously, I see that everyone wants to know about my transition and what it’s like. It’s not a bad thing. I’m an educator by nature and trade, and I have no problem showing the world what it’s like to go through this with the experience of half of a life already lived. I’m not like other transgendered/transsexuals who always knew they were born in the wrong body from age 2. I’m more like the country mouse who is in awe of all the things that are different and available to me now that I do know. And I guess that makes it interesting.

The second topic of interest is veganism and vegan recipes. Hey, I have no argument there. I do love to cook and I love to eat (as shown by my expanding waistline — why couldn’t muscles just grow from eating so much!?). Anyways, based on these results I’ll continue to primarily talk about the transition process based on my experience with a few posts on vegan issues and vegan recipes.

That said, given that transition was really big I am looking for some advice. Clean shaven? Beard? Moustache? You decide!

Vegan Recipes: Quick things for lunch and dinner

Posted on by Posted in vegan stuff .

I’ve created some on-the-fly recipes for those moments I don’t want to spend lots of time in the kitchen to make things. The following three are quick lunch/dinner recipes but do require some prep beforehand.

1. Quick “creamy” spaghetti

For this recipe, prepare your spaghetti as usual. We prepare a whole box in advance and save it in the fridge. We then take what we want in regards to the pasta, put it in a bowl, pour our favourite vegan tomato sauce over it (we’ve found a few brands that don’t list any animal products in them) and then add some pats of vegan soy spread (Earth Balance). Microwave for about a min, take out, mix and then add spices to flavouring. Enjoy. It actually reminds me of those cans of spaghetti I used to have as a child. K adds Nutritional Yeast to hers to give it a nutty flavour.

2. Seitan, Hummus and Tomato Toasted Sandwich.

We actually don’t have a toaster so we toast our bread in a pan. I then take about 3-6 minutes to sautee some seitan stripes. The seitan can either be store bought or you can make your own (see recipes here). Once the bread is toasted, I put hummus on each side and slice the tomato thinly, layering it on each piece of bread. The seitan is flavoured with various spices (I tend to go basic and use salt and pepper or use the spicy seitan recipe). Once the seitan is cooked to my liking, I layer the thin slices onto the bread, close the top, add a side pickle.

3. Quick salad.

As much as I liked my hot meals and prepared food, sometimes I need something simple. I’ve been trying to introduce less processed and more natural (raw?) diet. Take a head of romaine, chop it into small bite sizes. Put into bowl. Dice a tomato and a red pepper. Mix. Add vegan dressing of choice (I’ve been using a balsmatic shitake mushroom one of late) and then enjoy. I also often enjoy this without dressing and sometimes add a handful of chopped baby spinach.

All-in-all each recipe takes about 10 minutes to finally prepare. And that’s really handy when the days start at 6am and don’t finish until 7pm.

Vegan Recipes: Spicy Seitan Wings and “Chicken” Seitan

Posted on by Posted in recipes, vegan stuff .

In an effort to make the kitchen more interesting, I’ve been experimenting with various seitan recipes. Seitan is turning out to be easier to make than I thought. And even tastier than I expected. My previous seitan experiment was ok but rather bland. Yesterday’s experiments turned out better than I expected and today I had an even better surprise.

First I started with this chicken seitan recipe. I found that as I was making it, I couldn’t help but think of when I used to eat chicken. Today, I wouldn’t be able to stomach it (physically, mentally and ethically) but I now began to realize where the taste really came from: the herbs added and how it was cooked. If you really want to get down into it, chicken is a bland flesh to eat so you have to season it. The same can be said of seitan. Once I had prepared the seitan, I took out about a third of the recipe and let the rest cool in the pot, marinating further in the seitan broth. It’s interesting how this recipe uses kelp to “salt” the seitan, an nice alternative in my opinion.

I then did the Spicy Seitan Wings as per this recipe. Now, I have a huge sweet tooth and often find spicy meals too much. My taste buds tend to be overly sensitive and aware of spices. This mixture was actually ok and we used a plain hummus as a dip for the “wings” and fresh cut tomatoes. I also had a Corona (a vegan beer!) on the side, in addition to my usual water. It was really good. Texture wise it wasn’t too rubbery and actually had a good sensation to it. After dinner, I took about a third of the remaining seitan and put it into a container with the left over spicy sauce, shaking it vigorously to ensure that all pieces got a good coating. I figured marinating overnight in the sauce will add further flavouring to the seitan the next day. How right I was.

This morning, as a late breakfast/early lunch, I took some romaine lettuce, topped it with some diced tomatoes and a bit of Goddess Dressing. I took some of the spicy marinated seitan (about 3-4 strips) and sliced and then diced them. I then sauted and cooked them for about 5-8 minutes before adding them as a topping to the salad I had made. It was perfect. The balance of the creamy (vegan) dressing with the fresh, cold veggies against the spicy hot seitan was perfect.

A great alternative to the usual.