Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: USA

I lurve my company and am annoyed by Ontario Gov’t..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

Or at least my manager. A few months ago, while running between flights and having to lug my laptop out for security checks, it dropped and caused some damage to the case. It was enough that it required a repair. Long story short, the expenses finally got approved because my manager believes in her staff that work for her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s not enough to work for a great company; it’s the people that truly make the difference. Every day that I’m at my company I’m in awe of the knowledge and kindness that I get from colleagues and my manager.  Her actions reminded me how much I love working for my company, not just because the I love our products and believe in them so much but because the people are so awesome and humble. I told her I owed her a dinner for this but she said that she owed me one for all the times I’ve been flexible when they needed someone to fill in at the last minute. It capped a day that had been somewhat depressing but was ending on a good note.

On Thursday, while in Baltimore, I went to the local cigar store to unwind and won a hat as part of an event they had on. While relaxing, I connected my iPod Touch to the wireless and found out that the Matthew Shepard bill got approved by the Senate (I know that some may not approve or understand but as a trans individual, it adds a little more protection for someone like me). I think it shows more and more that what’s in the government, albeit slow as most large governmental organizations are, are good people and try to help where they can. It gives a little bit more of hope to me that ENDA might yet pass in the full form rather than a water downed version as was previously thought.

When I finally got back to NYC, I noticed a large envelope from Ontario. I was hopeful that it was my newly modified birth certificate. Apparently something isn’t right with the forms and the provided documentation. So before I go fully ballistic, I tried calling them (this morning, in fact). Unfortunately, their computers were down so I’ll try again tomorrow.

Scratch Planet Fitness off my list..

Posted on by Posted in fitness .

I think I may just go basic and run up and down the stairs (that’s 7 flights of stairs with 13 steps each so a quick bit of math –> 91 steps) a few times for cardio in the winter. I have kettleballs, a simple dumbbell, Iron Gym Pull Bar (yes, that thing from TV), crunches, pushups and my Wii (for added excitement). I was thinking that the gym might be worthwhile because I could get a trainer at the location to help me focus a bit. Bally’s was already off my list. I’ve never been fond of them and any gym that can’t quote a price to me over the phone is out as is anyone who does hard sells (Bally’s is known for this). It shouldn’t be that hard.

Really, it shouldn’t.

NY Athletic Clubs were also out because they seem to have a similar rep and Lucille Roberts, a women-only’s gym, well, would present a problem now, wouldn’t it? So I thought why not take a look at Planet Fitness? They’ve been advertising a low rate ($20/month, no contract) and had simple gym design. They weren’t for the fitness buff but for the person who needed to get into a shape other than round (the side effect of a geek’s life, even a vegan one). So I sent them out an email to find out what packages they could offer and asked what their position was on transgendered/transsexual individuals. They replied today with a cheerful email about all the things they offered, a listing of two payment options (contract and no contract). And, oh ya. The transgendered thing? They go by the state/federal documents identifier.

Ya. Not for me.

At the least they notified me in advance to avoid embarrassment and I will be writing them a “thanks but no thanks” letter. It’s fine if my passport says that but reality is that I don’t look like that letter. And I can bet that many women won’t want a guy in their change room. It’d be too disruptive and likely to set their “Lunk alarm” off (their “lunk alarm” is something akin to an air raid that goes off when someone drops the weights heavily, intentionally or not). They probably didn’t think of that when they sent me the email.

Sigh.

Society will always have me pegged in the wrong hole until I have all surgeries so that I can fit into the little single box that someone sets out for me, eh? On the top end of the scale, this boils down to money. Or more succinctly, potential loss of money and the cost to create an environment that would be open to all. And by all, “they” mean the cisgendered society at large. Conforming means that things are all the same and often costs are lower as a result. Additionally, there is the potential loss of existing customers when a “we’re-not-quite-sure-but-it-may-be-an…??” comes into a change room, customers may get that “ick!” feeling and will let management know about this, in both loud voice and dollar signs. However, let’s be honest here: the concern isn’t really an FTM in the men’s change room but rather the MTF in the women’s. It is the old idea that a “man” (physical stuff between the legs concept) is some kind of perv who wants to rape.

It makes me wonder if some of the health issues that many trans individuals face pre and post surgery isn’t due to the surgery or hormones but from the lack of access to facilities to do necessary exercises (e.g., I would love to be able to work out at 5am, grunting and sweatin’ to the oldies — which for me is the 70s and 80s). And that second guessing ourselves comes from a lack of body image and chance to adjust that image because of a lack of facilities. Now all of this is supposition on my part given that many trans individuals, particularly here in the US, sink a fortune into the day-to-day needs of legal costs, hormones, doctors and surgeries (never mind the fears that comes with what society has portrayed many as — monsters). And when you do all of that, your living costs will often be kept to a minimum so that means smaller place to rent/buy and less food options (often resulting in cheaper options).

I guess I’ll have to figure out something on my own to work out and improve my overall fitness. Running up and down those stairs should be a good start but it’s a shame that I couldn’t find a place where I could do it without potentially waking up my neighbours and actually get advice when I need it.

Getting financially and physically fit

Posted on by Posted in transgender, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

One of the nice side effects of teaching at home is that I tend to not spend as much financially. I just can’t go out to the store and buy things. I just don’t see the “things” out there. But one down side is that I tend to become a bit of a home body and my body tends to become a specific shape (round). I remember when I used to bike to and from work a few years ago. I was able to keep my weight down without being super skinny. I actually liked being “stocky” and was ok with being a few pounds overweight (for my height I’m supposed to be about 110-125 lbs — I really am big boned and find I look best around 140-150) but didn’t want to be obese. A side effect of traveling is the food that often ends up being eaten, even if a vegan (e.g., fries and the like). I’ve been a horrible vegan and have done a few slips over the last few months.

I don’t know why (perhaps it’s the T kicking in more) but my cravings for salt have gone to huge cravings for dead things. While it’s been mostly fish (I suspect due to heritage and early childhood experiences) I’m afraid of a slippery slope effect. I need to get back on track. My schedule for Oct/Nov/Dec has too much of a mixture for me to focus long enough on getting back into shape. But starting January I’ll be home, if my schedule sticks, for 3 months (except for one week in Toronto) starting usually at 9am CST (that’s 10am for me) with an occasional 8am CST start (9am for me). I figured if I could find a gym close enough that was open early enough it might be an option for me to go early in the morning (say 5-6am to beat the business rush). I know enough about fitness and training that I should be able to do this on my own — it’s just will power and consistency. Because I will have 3 months where I could get into a rhythm and turn it from an occasional thing into a more permanent activity and habit this could prove well at helping me lose some weight before we move out west. It would also help for when I get ready to have surgery (weight loss for larger sized FTMs is often a pre-requisite).

Now, while I have great idears reality may slap me in the face. I found one gym that is 24 hours M-F and has early hours on Sat/Sun. The one challenge will be, of course, the change rooms. It’ll be winter so I can’t really just dress in gym clothes, work out and leave. Most gyms I know won’t allow people to keep their bags/jackets near them when they work out and lockers are often inside the change room area. I doubt that this gym will be “trans friendly” but who knows. I may luck out. I just have this feeling that I won’t be able to use it in the winter or I will have to come dress in my gear and have minimal ID/cash on me. I’m still trying to figure out how best I could do this. Have any other trans individuals dealt with this?

Someone give me some cheese please.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, transition, Traveling/Work .

Well, it was a busy and exhausting week. I do love teaching and I love it even more, when doing online, to share the duties with someone else. However, there are a couple of courses I teach online that only need one instructor (largely due to the size of the class) and I had both of those this week. The reviews were really good. To add even more to ending the week on a good note, I found out I passed my certification (I had written the beta version of the certification in August and there has been some mix up over results).

But while all this is good, there are still things that dampened my happiness. K’s mom sent back my birth certificate stuff (I asked her to be my guarantor since I need someone who’s a “professional”) and I sent that off to Ontario’s Registrar General. I’m hoping that they do a quick turn-over on that and that I didn’t miss anything. It’s annoying to not have my email match my name. Once the birth certificate is done, then I send it off to Employment Canada to get my SIN (Social Insurance Number) redone. I figure that’ll be done by the end of the year (given the speed of most government departments). I kinda wonder if it’s a global thing that government departments run at the pace of a slow moving snail. Maybe it’s a requirement or something?

Honestly, however, it’s not the name change thing that’s bugging me. It’s surgery. Two specifically. While the second isn’t as critical (yet) for me, the first one is: top surgery (double mastectomy) and bottom (for now, hysterectomy would suffice). I can’t get it covered under my present plan and they specifically exclude GRS/SRS from coverage. If I switch to another provider (assuming that the HealthCare Reform doesn’t go through), I technically have a pre-existing condition (GID) that could preclude me from coverage there. Which really sucks. So, I’m going to have to save (about $10,000) in addition to paying off debt.

Sigh.

I just have to remind myself I can do this. It’s very conceivable to save up the money as well as pay off the debt.  It’s kind of like having motivation to lose weight: being determined as to what the final goal is. Does it mean I’ll fall off the wagon now and again? Oh, sure. But if I keep at it, I’ll have more steps forward than back. I think one of the things that would help (well, two actually) is a slight raise (haven’t had one in a couple of years now) and a green card. I think both of those would be welcomed. In just over 13 months, my present visa will expire (unless they get the extension, which tacks on another 2 years to it). I’d rather have the green card. I think I’ve proven that I’m here for the company and will be staying well beyond the life of the green card. Either Oct or November will be annual review time so I’m going to have to figure out how to word this best.

Sometimes, I just wish I could win the lottery — even a little 2nd place. I know I’m not in a horrible situation and know that I put myself in this situation but there are times when I could just use the breather. And don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the beautiful love in my life and the job I have. I know many others are no where near that. But… [insert whiney voice here]

Welcome to La-La-Land (no, not British Columbia)

Posted on by Posted in Life, Politics, transition .
A classic moment in Canadian Political History
A classic moment in Canadian Political History

I recently finished reading Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America’s Class War. Fun and interesting book. But also very insightful about the average person in the not-so-urban areas of the US (well, West Virginia at least). US politics fascinates me. I guess it stems from when I used to be in politics. Way back when, at a time when university actually cost less than a car, I joined (now, no snickering or shaking of heads; I was young and impressionable) the Progressive Conservatives. It was fun and we did lots of neat things (mostly seemed to involve keggers on Parliament Hill — did you know there is no federal drinking age in Canada and the Parliament Hill is considered “federal property”?) but we were respectful. We even invited liberals and NDPers to them (the running joke — which I believe still holds true today — is that if you want to get drunk, join the Conservatives; if you want to get laid, join the Liberals and if you want to talk policy, join the NDP). But debate was respectable, even in the most heated of discussions.

I suppose it’s a Canadian thing where the House of Commons becomes a huge debate fest, with exception of the reading of the speech by the Governor General, the Queen’s representative in the House. This is the one time that it’s silent and you rarely hear anything beyond silent murmur and gentle snoring. I suppose that’s why I was kind of shock to see the whole Joe Wilson thing. I don’t think anyone suggests that he cannot speak his mind but rather, like many things in life, there are times and places for that. Because of Mr. Wilson, I’ve been learning more and more about American politics and all the things that make it up. It’s a rather fascinating process, very different from the calmer Canadian side of things (we really haven’t had exciting politics since Trudeau, known for the flare, and Sir John A, known for drinking vodka in the House). What in particular that did get my interest was the wide range of political commentary that goes on. In Canada there are the CBC (aka the Mother Corp), CTV (US Wannabe) and Global TV (insert witticism here). What I do find, however, is that their news tends to be either center with a tad left or center with a tad right leaning. You don’t see the leaning-so-far-to-the-right/left-the-country-dips-into-Atlantic/Pacific-ocean ideals like here in the US.

I’ve watched CNN, Fox News and MSNBC (I have to admit: Maddows makes me chuckle at times). What I find interesting is a few things: the “liberal” MSM tends to be more smiley and positive about life in general, even during the Bush years. They were far more respectful. The more “conservative” MSM tends to be angry and fearful all the time. Add to that some of the interesting results of some of the stories they report on. A recent poll suggests that about 1 in 3 New Jersey citizens think that Obama is the Anti-Christ. That’s half of those that believe in the Devil. I won’t get into the whole “he-wasn’t-born-here” stuff. I mean, seriously. You’d think that when someone applies to run for office that the Federal Election Commission checks this stuff, no? I keep thinking that a lot of this is how the liberal MSM (Main Stream Media) portrays the conservative MSM but after digging, I’m discovering it’s not. What is challenging for me is that I do believe in respecting each others views, no matter how much I vehemently disagree. But some of the beliefs that go on about the President (e.g., he’s a Hitler wannabe with storm troopers ready) and his policies are rather far-fetched (e.g., he’s going to start internment camps) but at the same time, it does make me wonder: at what point do we finally pull away from what we’re told and start to experience our own lives as we define them? I mean, do we only go by what the MSM says is left or right? Or do we learn to make our own insightful opinions? (yes, I do remember something from University that doesn’t involve a keg)

I ask this because of something that I experience as a trans person. I often hear about the many who get assaulted, hurt, killed, demeaned, etc. It’s rather frightening. But I’ll be honest in that I think it tends to cloud both mine and other’s points of view of trans individuals. A non-trans person gets told that we’re different and thus they should fear us. While the trans person is told that we’re different and we should be afraid of how everyone else will react to our path in life. I’ve been told that Christians, particularly the born-again types, are to be feared and mocked. I’m not sure if that is healthy or even necessary for all. I’ve met many Christians who are very nice and very respectful, even if they do not understand or agree with my choices. Right now, in my life, Christianity isn’t a path for me (I won’t say never since anything is possible) and while it fascinates me from a historical and sociological point of view, it does nothing for my soul.  Ever since I began my medical transition, I was in fear of what students, colleagues and strangers think of me. And so far, the results have been rather positive or neutral (no negatives but nothing overtly positive either).

Could it be white male privilege? To a degree, especially in the US, yes. And if I ever saw personally anything that would suggest it, then I’d say it’s more likely that but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it yet. I’m not going to naively say that it never happens. I know it does. But I wonder how many trans individuals live their lives so stealthily without incident and lead rather boring meager lives? And how much of that is partially lived with the fear that if someone found out, then they’d think less of me? I’m rather public about who I am. This blog is very open and yet, being trans hasn’t hurt me nor has the discovery of my trans state seemed to change anything. If anything, I’ve noticed more respect for being so forthcoming and outspoken. Perhaps, if anything, it’s partially a confidence thing (which is more acceptable socially for a white person than a person of color — that is, a form of privilege). Maybe it’s the side effect of the internet and social media being used to create large communities and trying to fill the silence with something, anything, so people will come back. We listen to the more outrageous things than the day-to-day things probably because our lives seem so… well… day-to-day.

So, how much do we find it acceptable to continue trumpeting the evils of the “other” (insert whatever “other” is normally across from you)? Will there ever be a time when we stop demeaning the “others” and get back to civilized debate where we speak and listen in turn? And will there ever be a time where we talk about things based on what we experienced rather than what we are told we should have experienced? Or are we all just going to go along with it because we want to belong somewhere, anywhere, with anyone so we don’t feel so alone?

To end this post I thought I’d share a chuckle. One of the things I used to love was reading the editorial cartoon of the day. I’ve recently become a fan of Daryl Cagle’s website and couldn’t help but belly laugh at this:

Must-see DVD: For the Bible Tells Me So..

Posted on by Posted in LGBTQ .

I just finished watching this DVD (thanks Netflix) and gotta say: the more I investigate how Christianity works the more I believe what Ghandi said. One of the things that seems evident of some here in the world is that if it is written then we are to interpret it as it is written and consider nothing else. The assumption is that the world  never changes and should never change. That it, like God, are constants. But I wonder if some got the message a little screwy, like the Telephone game that kids play. You know, the one where a secret message is told in a large group and by the time you get to the last person the “peanut butter and jelly sandwich” has become the “green elephant on the marshmallow roof”.

The world changes although the actual text, often left to interpretation by us little mere mortals, doesn’t change that much. And from that text are pulled some common quotes:

Leviticus 18:22 (King James Version)

22Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Source)

The Leviticus quote is the most common one done by various groups who pontificate on the evils of homosexuality. It is interesting that this is often choosen as the main text by, as per the DVD, “literals” — those that take the Bible and read it literally. The challenge to this is that we forget to main points: 1) the Bible were written by men (there are no passages, AFAIK, written by women) and their take on God 2) those letters were written 2,000 in a different time and place than today and 3) were written a few hundred times until we reached where we are today. The Bible is one of the longest ongoing telephone games around. What is often forgotten was that this was, as theologians put it, a form of “holiness” code. A holiness code was a code of behaviours put forth in contrast to the “non-Jews” at the time period. It was a challenge to the excesses and desire to live by right. Many religions and philosophies have that built in. Even in Buddhism we have the 5 Percepts which includes a precept to “abstain from sexual misconduct and sensual overindulgence2“. Does that mean homosexuality? No. It means to ensure that sex is treated as the intimate and relationship building behaviour that it should be; and that it be done with consent between people. In the context of Leviticus, it was a commentary of what was going on at the time by the “pagans” — particularly the wealthy to-do ones who used sex as an activity for the sake of demeaning one’s enemies rather than the union of people.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Mahatma Gandhi quotes (Indian Philosopher, 1869-1948)

Genesis 19 talks about the infamous Sodom and Gomorrah, the so-called wicked twin cities. Now this one might have more relevance today but not for the reasons that I think many of us have been taught. The whole story, when you read it, isn’t about the so-called “wicked sexual behaviour” but rather the denying someone into your home with open arms and feasting in the presence of another. Basically something that is sorely lacking in today’s society. We too often sit behind closed doors and refuse others to come in, offering shelter, help, love, laughter and a meal. God, as per this passage, smote the cities because people were — basically — refusing to be human to each other. The site I used for the Leviticus passage allows you to see how each various Bible interpretation lists the passage for Genesis 19:5. The original King James version reads: “And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.” (emphasis on the last words mine). As I flipped to other versions, this got changed to “that we may have sex with them”. At a time when the privileged individuals of cities were turning away “strangers”, it was important to know who existed within the gates and if they were deemed unworthy, they were shunned or worse.

This isn’t about homosexuality or anything else. It’s about how we treat each other and that we should treat each other, even when we are complete strangers, with respect and with the most important message of the Bible that is often forgotten: love. That is what it is ultimately about, isn’t it? Perhaps we need to be more like Christ again and open our doors to each other. If our concern is about where our society is going, then I think we need to start by asking ourselves a simple question: how do I treat the strangers that walk into my life, asking for the simplest of help?

Anyways, the DVD does definitely give thought to both sides of the fence and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the Bible a bit more.

The Catch-22 of a Name Change

Posted on by Posted in transition .

As a Canadian living in the US, I face neat little challenges regularly. Red tape is a fact of life by being this kind of visitor. Now, of course, being a Canadian I am honest about what I am and what I do. I follow the rules, particularly when it comes to US Immigration et al. And so I was recently faced with the chicken and egg concept: when changing one’s name in the US, as a non-citizen, what do I change first: SSN or Passport? The answer, I figure, is passort and work visa. So I went to the TDELF to have them help me navigate the waters of the US legal system. Apparently, I’m one of the first they’ve ever had who has changed the name in the US and then gets to face the home nation and it’s red-tape.

Once all the appropriate documents were filed and once the name publication is done, I will be able to obtain my certified copies of name change (10 in all). YAY ME! So as the lawyer goes through that process, I decided to get a head start on the Canadian side of thing. I called the Ontario Registry (they look after births, deaths and marriages) and asked about how to get my birth certificate modified. They explained it, saying that all I’d need is the certified copy, a letter from a guarantor and why I was using a non-Canadian for it (i.e., have been living in the US for two years now). Simple enough. One red tape issue addressed. I then called Passport Canada.

Now things get tricky. To get the new passport I need the amended birth certificate along with a signed piece of ID. No problem right? NOT. The 2nd ID MUST have the new name. The thing is, I do not drive and have no other form of ID other than passport. So I’m kind of in a chicken-and-egg thing. In order to get State ID, I must use my passport and visa but I suspect that will only get ID that will reflect my now-old name. In order to get State ID with new name, I need my passport to reflect that and.. oh wait.. You can see the quandary I’m in. So, I think I’m going to try to see about updating my SIN card (that’s a Social Insurance Number in Canada for those of you from the US). I think I used that previously to get my passport done.

I figure the wait time for the two initial pieces of ID — birth certificate and SIN card — will take until sometime mid-November. So come January I’ll have to trek up to Toronto or Montreal or even Halifax or even Calgary (actually, maybe Montreal, Halifax or Calgary– I can visit family in any of those cities and get the NEXUS while there as well) to get the passport done. Perhaps I should also get a federal ID card while I’m at it (Canadian citizenship card, I believe they are called). I think once the SIN is done I can then do all the credit cards. And once the passport is done then I can get the US SSN done and have that reflective — FINALLY — on my work email. I’m still hopeful that a green card is in my future but if I can get all this done before the final application for that is done, then life will be good.  Whatever the process, I will be documenting it here as I have a feeling I’m not the first nor will I be the last person who has to do this.

Ain’t government process fun?? 🙂

Poll Results: A lot of buckets out there

Posted on by Posted in Politics .

It appears that many of you have a bucket list of some sort (67%). Pretty good. In a lot of ways, having goals in life help us to live long lives because we have something to live for. I suspect that’s partially why those with lots of friends, married/partnered and a positive outlook in life tend to have longer lives. Good habits aren’t the only methods of ensuring long life. In fact, they aren’t indicators of long life. You look at someone like George Burns, who smoked 15-20 cigars a day, and compare him to someone like Ron H. Daws died at age 55 (he was competitor in 1968 Olympic marathoning, avid runner, cross country skier, etc.). Reducing the stress in life (e.g., through laughter, friendship, etc.) is the mechanism, to me, that helps one live longer and enjoy things. How we view life and realize that not only living in moment is critical as is looking towards living in the future.

I also believe in preventative health care matters. In February I asked if universal health care was needed in the US. Now that things are closing closer to some kind of finalized deal, I wonder (especially if we include the recent costs that the US went through and have still to go through) if it’s still viable. I have some doubts as to whether this could be similar to what is seen in Canada, as an example. Health care here is highly capitalized and about the the ultimate cost/bill rather than the health of the patient. And a lot of the “discussion” isn’t a discussion after all: it’s a yelling match between two parties and by both. Neither is really listening and the clock continues to tick on those not covered. So, here’s the question (and this month’s poll): is the proposed health care bill the solution?

To help clarify what makes up some of this issue, I’ve included some links to the Washington Post that breaks down some of the costs and numbers behind everything.

How the Bills Stack Up

In Search of Health Care Reform

What Does Health Care Mean for You?

A Sphere of Influence

Happiness Can Only Exist in Acceptance .. but whose?

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work .

So this week I’m in Dallas. It’s been a decent week albeit hot. And I don’t just mean warm, I mean so hot an egg could fry on the pavement if you put it there. The food culture here is also challenging. The deep-frying of everything can be a bit much (although, if I wasn’t vegan, I’d try the deep fried Snickers; maybe if they could deep fry an oreo for me or something). I did have deep fried corn on the cob (!!?!). It did seal in the juicyness of the cob but there was nothing more to it than that. Food aside, it’s been both a good week and a bit depressing. It’s good in that I’m rock star as I teach. The students seem to be enjoying it and staying awake (heat be damned). This is always good and getting lots of questions, even in a small class, has been good. I’ve been “Ma’am” and “she’d” a little more than I’d like, however. It’s weird after going for weeks on end where I get “sir”, “mister”, etc. to be given the other gender like that. It’s almost a slap in the face as to what I do not feel comfortable in.

This is a stark contrast to last week when I felt like I was on top of the world. The variety of activities that ensued to make life seem far more exciting and safe than they do this week. I’m actually kind of concerned, given that I’m in Texas — relatively conservative compared to other places, about how others may be reacting to me and how my presence in certain areas (e.g., washroom and such) may heighten the risk to my personal safety. My students seem ok but it’s really everyone else that I have to deal with that worries me. The looks I get (and ignore for the most part) have me wondering if someone is going to try something. For all of my life I’ve never been worried about my safety until now. The more I experience this the more I want some basic surgeries to address what is still left to address.

This week has seen a continuance of the discussion of Chaz’ decision to transition. It is great in one way to have such a public figure transition but in others, it may open up more of a challenge for other trans individuals. We’ll be expected to be as open and public about our process. For me it’s not an issue but for others it may be. They  may have more of a private life that they do not want to be shared nor do they want that expectation to be shared looming over them. Additionally, Chaz startdoom is a benefit to him, even if it’s inherited. He’ll likely be treated better than the average trans individual. This will be true, IMO, on a face-to-face basis. When one is viewed from a distance a whole variety of other factors will come into play, particularly anonymity. The responses by the general public has been less than positive. If anything they have been worse than what I’ve seen against other trans individuals.

In some ways it would be nice to let the public see how a transition is and what it’s like to face discrimination, particularly when people don’t understand the reasoning behind transitioning. It’s not about what’s in society; it’s not about wanting privilege; it’s not about trying to fit in with what society accepts. It is about what is acceptable to the self and how a person views the self in regards to others. I understand why others cannot see the world as I see it and why I have this need or this coercive soul-binding draw to do what I must just as much as I cannot understand what it’s like to not have that in place. The important thing is to remember that not all of us walk the same path. Whether you call it God, Fate or just what life is we each have our own path put before us. Degrading and demeaning one of us affects us all.

As much as I would like to be accepted by society I know that will not be the answer to my ultimate soul happiness. For that, I have to accept myself as is. And try as I might, the view of what I am is very different than what I was born with (just the external parts — inside, there is a lot I like although I’m constantly improving and updating). Shouldn’t that be what our lives are about? Experiencing, learning, growing??

iReport: Does this make me famous?

Posted on by Posted in Politics, trans activism, transgender, transition .

So I did an iReport here and am shocked as to how many people have looked (last count was in the 1,700s!). And from reading some of the responses to the other iReports, many have been positive (although, like any there are those that aren’t so positive about trans individuals). Whee! I think I might do a full response to one report later today or tomorrow. Now, to do some work stuff.