Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: transition

I lurve my company and am annoyed by Ontario Gov’t..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

Or at least my manager. A few months ago, while running between flights and having to lug my laptop out for security checks, it dropped and caused some damage to the case. It was enough that it required a repair. Long story short, the expenses finally got approved because my manager believes in her staff that work for her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s not enough to work for a great company; it’s the people that truly make the difference. Every day that I’m at my company I’m in awe of the knowledge and kindness that I get from colleagues and my manager.  Her actions reminded me how much I love working for my company, not just because the I love our products and believe in them so much but because the people are so awesome and humble. I told her I owed her a dinner for this but she said that she owed me one for all the times I’ve been flexible when they needed someone to fill in at the last minute. It capped a day that had been somewhat depressing but was ending on a good note.

On Thursday, while in Baltimore, I went to the local cigar store to unwind and won a hat as part of an event they had on. While relaxing, I connected my iPod Touch to the wireless and found out that the Matthew Shepard bill got approved by the Senate (I know that some may not approve or understand but as a trans individual, it adds a little more protection for someone like me). I think it shows more and more that what’s in the government, albeit slow as most large governmental organizations are, are good people and try to help where they can. It gives a little bit more of hope to me that ENDA might yet pass in the full form rather than a water downed version as was previously thought.

When I finally got back to NYC, I noticed a large envelope from Ontario. I was hopeful that it was my newly modified birth certificate. Apparently something isn’t right with the forms and the provided documentation. So before I go fully ballistic, I tried calling them (this morning, in fact). Unfortunately, their computers were down so I’ll try again tomorrow.

Scratch Planet Fitness off my list..

Posted on by Posted in fitness .

I think I may just go basic and run up and down the stairs (that’s 7 flights of stairs with 13 steps each so a quick bit of math –> 91 steps) a few times for cardio in the winter. I have kettleballs, a simple dumbbell, Iron Gym Pull Bar (yes, that thing from TV), crunches, pushups and my Wii (for added excitement). I was thinking that the gym might be worthwhile because I could get a trainer at the location to help me focus a bit. Bally’s was already off my list. I’ve never been fond of them and any gym that can’t quote a price to me over the phone is out as is anyone who does hard sells (Bally’s is known for this). It shouldn’t be that hard.

Really, it shouldn’t.

NY Athletic Clubs were also out because they seem to have a similar rep and Lucille Roberts, a women-only’s gym, well, would present a problem now, wouldn’t it? So I thought why not take a look at Planet Fitness? They’ve been advertising a low rate ($20/month, no contract) and had simple gym design. They weren’t for the fitness buff but for the person who needed to get into a shape other than round (the side effect of a geek’s life, even a vegan one). So I sent them out an email to find out what packages they could offer and asked what their position was on transgendered/transsexual individuals. They replied today with a cheerful email about all the things they offered, a listing of two payment options (contract and no contract). And, oh ya. The transgendered thing? They go by the state/federal documents identifier.

Ya. Not for me.

At the least they notified me in advance to avoid embarrassment and I will be writing them a “thanks but no thanks” letter. It’s fine if my passport says that but reality is that I don’t look like that letter. And I can bet that many women won’t want a guy in their change room. It’d be too disruptive and likely to set their “Lunk alarm” off (their “lunk alarm” is something akin to an air raid that goes off when someone drops the weights heavily, intentionally or not). They probably didn’t think of that when they sent me the email.

Sigh.

Society will always have me pegged in the wrong hole until I have all surgeries so that I can fit into the little single box that someone sets out for me, eh? On the top end of the scale, this boils down to money. Or more succinctly, potential loss of money and the cost to create an environment that would be open to all. And by all, “they” mean the cisgendered society at large. Conforming means that things are all the same and often costs are lower as a result. Additionally, there is the potential loss of existing customers when a “we’re-not-quite-sure-but-it-may-be-an…??” comes into a change room, customers may get that “ick!” feeling and will let management know about this, in both loud voice and dollar signs. However, let’s be honest here: the concern isn’t really an FTM in the men’s change room but rather the MTF in the women’s. It is the old idea that a “man” (physical stuff between the legs concept) is some kind of perv who wants to rape.

It makes me wonder if some of the health issues that many trans individuals face pre and post surgery isn’t due to the surgery or hormones but from the lack of access to facilities to do necessary exercises (e.g., I would love to be able to work out at 5am, grunting and sweatin’ to the oldies — which for me is the 70s and 80s). And that second guessing ourselves comes from a lack of body image and chance to adjust that image because of a lack of facilities. Now all of this is supposition on my part given that many trans individuals, particularly here in the US, sink a fortune into the day-to-day needs of legal costs, hormones, doctors and surgeries (never mind the fears that comes with what society has portrayed many as — monsters). And when you do all of that, your living costs will often be kept to a minimum so that means smaller place to rent/buy and less food options (often resulting in cheaper options).

I guess I’ll have to figure out something on my own to work out and improve my overall fitness. Running up and down those stairs should be a good start but it’s a shame that I couldn’t find a place where I could do it without potentially waking up my neighbours and actually get advice when I need it.

Getting financially and physically fit

Posted on by Posted in transgender, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

One of the nice side effects of teaching at home is that I tend to not spend as much financially. I just can’t go out to the store and buy things. I just don’t see the “things” out there. But one down side is that I tend to become a bit of a home body and my body tends to become a specific shape (round). I remember when I used to bike to and from work a few years ago. I was able to keep my weight down without being super skinny. I actually liked being “stocky” and was ok with being a few pounds overweight (for my height I’m supposed to be about 110-125 lbs — I really am big boned and find I look best around 140-150) but didn’t want to be obese. A side effect of traveling is the food that often ends up being eaten, even if a vegan (e.g., fries and the like). I’ve been a horrible vegan and have done a few slips over the last few months.

I don’t know why (perhaps it’s the T kicking in more) but my cravings for salt have gone to huge cravings for dead things. While it’s been mostly fish (I suspect due to heritage and early childhood experiences) I’m afraid of a slippery slope effect. I need to get back on track. My schedule for Oct/Nov/Dec has too much of a mixture for me to focus long enough on getting back into shape. But starting January I’ll be home, if my schedule sticks, for 3 months (except for one week in Toronto) starting usually at 9am CST (that’s 10am for me) with an occasional 8am CST start (9am for me). I figured if I could find a gym close enough that was open early enough it might be an option for me to go early in the morning (say 5-6am to beat the business rush). I know enough about fitness and training that I should be able to do this on my own — it’s just will power and consistency. Because I will have 3 months where I could get into a rhythm and turn it from an occasional thing into a more permanent activity and habit this could prove well at helping me lose some weight before we move out west. It would also help for when I get ready to have surgery (weight loss for larger sized FTMs is often a pre-requisite).

Now, while I have great idears reality may slap me in the face. I found one gym that is 24 hours M-F and has early hours on Sat/Sun. The one challenge will be, of course, the change rooms. It’ll be winter so I can’t really just dress in gym clothes, work out and leave. Most gyms I know won’t allow people to keep their bags/jackets near them when they work out and lockers are often inside the change room area. I doubt that this gym will be “trans friendly” but who knows. I may luck out. I just have this feeling that I won’t be able to use it in the winter or I will have to come dress in my gear and have minimal ID/cash on me. I’m still trying to figure out how best I could do this. Have any other trans individuals dealt with this?

Someone give me some cheese please.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, transition, Traveling/Work .

Well, it was a busy and exhausting week. I do love teaching and I love it even more, when doing online, to share the duties with someone else. However, there are a couple of courses I teach online that only need one instructor (largely due to the size of the class) and I had both of those this week. The reviews were really good. To add even more to ending the week on a good note, I found out I passed my certification (I had written the beta version of the certification in August and there has been some mix up over results).

But while all this is good, there are still things that dampened my happiness. K’s mom sent back my birth certificate stuff (I asked her to be my guarantor since I need someone who’s a “professional”) and I sent that off to Ontario’s Registrar General. I’m hoping that they do a quick turn-over on that and that I didn’t miss anything. It’s annoying to not have my email match my name. Once the birth certificate is done, then I send it off to Employment Canada to get my SIN (Social Insurance Number) redone. I figure that’ll be done by the end of the year (given the speed of most government departments). I kinda wonder if it’s a global thing that government departments run at the pace of a slow moving snail. Maybe it’s a requirement or something?

Honestly, however, it’s not the name change thing that’s bugging me. It’s surgery. Two specifically. While the second isn’t as critical (yet) for me, the first one is: top surgery (double mastectomy) and bottom (for now, hysterectomy would suffice). I can’t get it covered under my present plan and they specifically exclude GRS/SRS from coverage. If I switch to another provider (assuming that the HealthCare Reform doesn’t go through), I technically have a pre-existing condition (GID) that could preclude me from coverage there. Which really sucks. So, I’m going to have to save (about $10,000) in addition to paying off debt.

Sigh.

I just have to remind myself I can do this. It’s very conceivable to save up the money as well as pay off the debt.  It’s kind of like having motivation to lose weight: being determined as to what the final goal is. Does it mean I’ll fall off the wagon now and again? Oh, sure. But if I keep at it, I’ll have more steps forward than back. I think one of the things that would help (well, two actually) is a slight raise (haven’t had one in a couple of years now) and a green card. I think both of those would be welcomed. In just over 13 months, my present visa will expire (unless they get the extension, which tacks on another 2 years to it). I’d rather have the green card. I think I’ve proven that I’m here for the company and will be staying well beyond the life of the green card. Either Oct or November will be annual review time so I’m going to have to figure out how to word this best.

Sometimes, I just wish I could win the lottery — even a little 2nd place. I know I’m not in a horrible situation and know that I put myself in this situation but there are times when I could just use the breather. And don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the beautiful love in my life and the job I have. I know many others are no where near that. But… [insert whiney voice here]

Welcome to La-La-Land (no, not British Columbia)

Posted on by Posted in Life, Politics, transition .
A classic moment in Canadian Political History
A classic moment in Canadian Political History

I recently finished reading Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America’s Class War. Fun and interesting book. But also very insightful about the average person in the not-so-urban areas of the US (well, West Virginia at least). US politics fascinates me. I guess it stems from when I used to be in politics. Way back when, at a time when university actually cost less than a car, I joined (now, no snickering or shaking of heads; I was young and impressionable) the Progressive Conservatives. It was fun and we did lots of neat things (mostly seemed to involve keggers on Parliament Hill — did you know there is no federal drinking age in Canada and the Parliament Hill is considered “federal property”?) but we were respectful. We even invited liberals and NDPers to them (the running joke — which I believe still holds true today — is that if you want to get drunk, join the Conservatives; if you want to get laid, join the Liberals and if you want to talk policy, join the NDP). But debate was respectable, even in the most heated of discussions.

I suppose it’s a Canadian thing where the House of Commons becomes a huge debate fest, with exception of the reading of the speech by the Governor General, the Queen’s representative in the House. This is the one time that it’s silent and you rarely hear anything beyond silent murmur and gentle snoring. I suppose that’s why I was kind of shock to see the whole Joe Wilson thing. I don’t think anyone suggests that he cannot speak his mind but rather, like many things in life, there are times and places for that. Because of Mr. Wilson, I’ve been learning more and more about American politics and all the things that make it up. It’s a rather fascinating process, very different from the calmer Canadian side of things (we really haven’t had exciting politics since Trudeau, known for the flare, and Sir John A, known for drinking vodka in the House). What in particular that did get my interest was the wide range of political commentary that goes on. In Canada there are the CBC (aka the Mother Corp), CTV (US Wannabe) and Global TV (insert witticism here). What I do find, however, is that their news tends to be either center with a tad left or center with a tad right leaning. You don’t see the leaning-so-far-to-the-right/left-the-country-dips-into-Atlantic/Pacific-ocean ideals like here in the US.

I’ve watched CNN, Fox News and MSNBC (I have to admit: Maddows makes me chuckle at times). What I find interesting is a few things: the “liberal” MSM tends to be more smiley and positive about life in general, even during the Bush years. They were far more respectful. The more “conservative” MSM tends to be angry and fearful all the time. Add to that some of the interesting results of some of the stories they report on. A recent poll suggests that about 1 in 3 New Jersey citizens think that Obama is the Anti-Christ. That’s half of those that believe in the Devil. I won’t get into the whole “he-wasn’t-born-here” stuff. I mean, seriously. You’d think that when someone applies to run for office that the Federal Election Commission checks this stuff, no? I keep thinking that a lot of this is how the liberal MSM (Main Stream Media) portrays the conservative MSM but after digging, I’m discovering it’s not. What is challenging for me is that I do believe in respecting each others views, no matter how much I vehemently disagree. But some of the beliefs that go on about the President (e.g., he’s a Hitler wannabe with storm troopers ready) and his policies are rather far-fetched (e.g., he’s going to start internment camps) but at the same time, it does make me wonder: at what point do we finally pull away from what we’re told and start to experience our own lives as we define them? I mean, do we only go by what the MSM says is left or right? Or do we learn to make our own insightful opinions? (yes, I do remember something from University that doesn’t involve a keg)

I ask this because of something that I experience as a trans person. I often hear about the many who get assaulted, hurt, killed, demeaned, etc. It’s rather frightening. But I’ll be honest in that I think it tends to cloud both mine and other’s points of view of trans individuals. A non-trans person gets told that we’re different and thus they should fear us. While the trans person is told that we’re different and we should be afraid of how everyone else will react to our path in life. I’ve been told that Christians, particularly the born-again types, are to be feared and mocked. I’m not sure if that is healthy or even necessary for all. I’ve met many Christians who are very nice and very respectful, even if they do not understand or agree with my choices. Right now, in my life, Christianity isn’t a path for me (I won’t say never since anything is possible) and while it fascinates me from a historical and sociological point of view, it does nothing for my soul.  Ever since I began my medical transition, I was in fear of what students, colleagues and strangers think of me. And so far, the results have been rather positive or neutral (no negatives but nothing overtly positive either).

Could it be white male privilege? To a degree, especially in the US, yes. And if I ever saw personally anything that would suggest it, then I’d say it’s more likely that but to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it yet. I’m not going to naively say that it never happens. I know it does. But I wonder how many trans individuals live their lives so stealthily without incident and lead rather boring meager lives? And how much of that is partially lived with the fear that if someone found out, then they’d think less of me? I’m rather public about who I am. This blog is very open and yet, being trans hasn’t hurt me nor has the discovery of my trans state seemed to change anything. If anything, I’ve noticed more respect for being so forthcoming and outspoken. Perhaps, if anything, it’s partially a confidence thing (which is more acceptable socially for a white person than a person of color — that is, a form of privilege). Maybe it’s the side effect of the internet and social media being used to create large communities and trying to fill the silence with something, anything, so people will come back. We listen to the more outrageous things than the day-to-day things probably because our lives seem so… well… day-to-day.

So, how much do we find it acceptable to continue trumpeting the evils of the “other” (insert whatever “other” is normally across from you)? Will there ever be a time when we stop demeaning the “others” and get back to civilized debate where we speak and listen in turn? And will there ever be a time where we talk about things based on what we experienced rather than what we are told we should have experienced? Or are we all just going to go along with it because we want to belong somewhere, anywhere, with anyone so we don’t feel so alone?

To end this post I thought I’d share a chuckle. One of the things I used to love was reading the editorial cartoon of the day. I’ve recently become a fan of Daryl Cagle’s website and couldn’t help but belly laugh at this:

An update on life..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition .

Well, this week promises to be exciting:

– I should be hearing back finally on my certification attempt (required for work). I did the beta exam and for that, a pass is a pass. If I don’t pass, then I’ll have to try the regular exam, of which I need 85% to pass.

– I should also be getting back forms from my g/f’s mom, who I asked to be my guarantor for my birth certificate (stage 1 of the name change thing). Once I get those, I’ll send them off to Ontario Registry Ministry for my new birth certificate. Then I can go after my SIN and Passport.

– This week will mark my final tax payment to the Canadian gov’t for my 2007 taxes. After this I only worry about US taxes. The money I’ve been paying to them will go towards CCs and EF (emergency fund), which I need to work on again.

So lots of good things coming. I do still need to be more vigilant on my spending and be more aware of what I am buying. A return back to a vegan lifestyle will likely help me in that endeavor. I’ve been trying to make some money off my cigar blog but it’s been slow going. Perhaps with an increased/improved economy next year it might happen. I have being going at the surveys but haven’t seen an actual cheque (although I am seeing some money accrue).

Oct/Nov should be annual review months and I do think I am in a position to ask for a raise and promotion. I’ll have to be asking for my visa to be extended or replaced with a green card. If I don’t get a green card or a new visa, I’ll have to leave the US for a year and won’t be able to work there for that year. Definitely not good for me or my company. I know they’ve gotten green cards for others so I think it’s just a matter of patience and urgency.

I’ll also start saving all bonuses and tax returns for a surgery fund. Although I don’t need a lot (about $7500-10,000), I know that under the present health benefits program I won’t be able to get my necessary surgeries covered. And that is causing me more and more grief. I know if I didn’t get myself into this financial situation I could have done this already but.. I’m in this situation now and am going to get out of it. It’s slow slogging but I’m definitely chipping away at things.

All-in-all, life is good. Not great but good.

More than just the “M”

Posted on by Posted in transgender, transition .

Jacky recently commented on why he (is that the pronoun you use, Jacky?) won’t change his gender from F to M. I’m of a similar mind. Part of me wants to make that change, I’ll admit, but mostly for purely selfish reasons: the US doesn’t allow for same-sex marriage and, as a result, I wouldn’t be able to use it as part of a submission to get a green card (nevermind that Ontario requires surgery to be done to reflect gender and then letters from surgeons to indicate that it’s been done). If I had the necessary surgery(ies) and got this done, then the next step would be far easier. Unfortunately, it’s not and I haven’t but I also really don’t want to. The reality is that who I was is part of who I am.

As I noted on Jacky’s blog, I’ve used to say that I was a quantum genderqueer: that is, each gender, both genders, neither gender all at the same time (think of a certain dying cat in a box). I do believe that by recognizing where my past was and paying respect to that helps me to continue and grow. And also keep me in check. While K often insists that sometimes I’m “such a guy”, I try to be aware of the things (read: white male privilege) that I obtained by transitioning. Pretending that the previous 37+ years of my “previous” self didn’t exist does an injustice to myself. It’s a shame that even in some parts of the trans-world, at least from my view, there still remains this clinging towards a gender binary — you are either FTM to become Male or MTF to become Female. And there are to be no other considerations. Often associated with this is “passing”: that ability for everyone to read you as per your physical birth gender marker.

WMP was and is the one thing that still bothers me. I’m acutely aware of what I’ve obtained and notice it far more in the US than in Canada (do not get me wrong — Canada has it; we just silently hide it in “multicultural” programs and the like). I often think about the reviews that students give me and wonder how many of those were improved since I’ve started being read as male — particularly a young (?) “fluffy” white male — trainer than compared to when I was being read as female — an older (?) “fat” white female. I have no doubts that I tend to get more 5/5 now than before (not that the reviews were bad but that I probably got more 4/5s previously). I have yet to be challenged for being strict and direct in my teaching (previously, I’ve been challenged and threatened for daring to potentially fail someone — Uh, clue-by-four: if you don’t do the work, you ain’t passing!).

And those that do figure out that I’m transitioning don’t seem to dock me for that either — a stark comparison if it was the other way around (i.e., if I was MTF). Let’s be real here: society expects someone to want privilege, to want to have that extra, better treatment. Thing is: it’s not me. I feel uncomfortable with it and about it. I would rather let others go ahead of me where possible (but I’ll be real in that I won’t let the whole world go in front of me when I chase down one of the 31 flavours); I don’t mind waiting in line and giving someone else their extra due. But I do think that we all do need to be treated like human beings and be respected by each other for what makes us both the same and different. Remember who I was reminds me of who I want to be.

I am finally me (sniffles and all)..

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, LGBTQ, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

*snork*

*sniffle*

Ah yes, allergies. Gawd, how I hate them. I just got back from San Francisco only to be hit head first by them. I know I’m not sick but just feel miserable because of my sinuses. Hopefully it’ll end by today or tomorrow. That or I’ll be investing in Sudafed for a while.

Last week went well for the most part. 99% of people I ran into got it right. Even TSA did! I was rather surprised at that. The reason was that the law changed as of Aug 15 and all airlines were required to match gender with passport, full name, etc. For some reason American Airlines didn’t put the gender down on the ticket (whether going to San Fran or coming back) but I was never questioned about it. Granted, it could be the ol’ white male privilege hitting in but who knows. Either way, I was glad I didn’t get challenged. Made life easier. I’m getting more comfortable in the washroom (as comfortable as one can get in washrooms that are dirty and often in disrepair). One colleague still needs to work on the name and gender thing. The reality is that I don’t see my colleagues except once or twice a year so mistakes are expected. The majority (about 95%) get it right and even get it right after a few drinks (LOL).

That all said, the name portion will have to definitely change since I’m going to the lawyer’s today to pick up the certified copies of my legal name change and begin the journey to get new birth certificate, new Canadian SIN (Social Insurance Number), new Canadian passport, new US VISA, new US SSN, etc.

Sigh.

Not looking forward to this. But I was frugal about the whole thing. I only cost me the basic costs (e.g., submission of name change, necessary forms, etc.). Lawyers’ fees were gratis thanks to an organization here (TDLEF). It’s amazing how much one can save on legal fees if you just look around. There are a lot of organizations that have been created (I can think of LEGIT in Ontario that helps bi-national LGBTQ couples get residency and such in Canada) to help individuals.

On the financial front, I’ve started applying to those survey sites. It’s definitely something I can do while even on the road. If I made an extra $1-2000 a year, that can either go towards surgery funds (since all of what I need done isn’t covered) or towards paying off debt (although this year I’ll be asking for a decent size raise since I haven’t had one in two years and my role has become more senior; I suspect I’m due!).

Speaking of the financial front, as of Sept 15th my Canadian Taxes will be paid off. That money will be going to one or two of the credit cards along with an extra amount to emergency fund. I still have a long haul in front of me but if I keep chipping at it, it will shrink down to near nothingness.

Like Dory from Finding Nemo says “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..”

The Catch-22 of a Name Change

Posted on by Posted in transition .

As a Canadian living in the US, I face neat little challenges regularly. Red tape is a fact of life by being this kind of visitor. Now, of course, being a Canadian I am honest about what I am and what I do. I follow the rules, particularly when it comes to US Immigration et al. And so I was recently faced with the chicken and egg concept: when changing one’s name in the US, as a non-citizen, what do I change first: SSN or Passport? The answer, I figure, is passort and work visa. So I went to the TDELF to have them help me navigate the waters of the US legal system. Apparently, I’m one of the first they’ve ever had who has changed the name in the US and then gets to face the home nation and it’s red-tape.

Once all the appropriate documents were filed and once the name publication is done, I will be able to obtain my certified copies of name change (10 in all). YAY ME! So as the lawyer goes through that process, I decided to get a head start on the Canadian side of thing. I called the Ontario Registry (they look after births, deaths and marriages) and asked about how to get my birth certificate modified. They explained it, saying that all I’d need is the certified copy, a letter from a guarantor and why I was using a non-Canadian for it (i.e., have been living in the US for two years now). Simple enough. One red tape issue addressed. I then called Passport Canada.

Now things get tricky. To get the new passport I need the amended birth certificate along with a signed piece of ID. No problem right? NOT. The 2nd ID MUST have the new name. The thing is, I do not drive and have no other form of ID other than passport. So I’m kind of in a chicken-and-egg thing. In order to get State ID, I must use my passport and visa but I suspect that will only get ID that will reflect my now-old name. In order to get State ID with new name, I need my passport to reflect that and.. oh wait.. You can see the quandary I’m in. So, I think I’m going to try to see about updating my SIN card (that’s a Social Insurance Number in Canada for those of you from the US). I think I used that previously to get my passport done.

I figure the wait time for the two initial pieces of ID — birth certificate and SIN card — will take until sometime mid-November. So come January I’ll have to trek up to Toronto or Montreal or even Halifax or even Calgary (actually, maybe Montreal, Halifax or Calgary– I can visit family in any of those cities and get the NEXUS while there as well) to get the passport done. Perhaps I should also get a federal ID card while I’m at it (Canadian citizenship card, I believe they are called). I think once the SIN is done I can then do all the credit cards. And once the passport is done then I can get the US SSN done and have that reflective — FINALLY — on my work email. I’m still hopeful that a green card is in my future but if I can get all this done before the final application for that is done, then life will be good.  Whatever the process, I will be documenting it here as I have a feeling I’m not the first nor will I be the last person who has to do this.

Ain’t government process fun?? 🙂

Rambles on a Sunday morning

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

This past week has been particularly brutal — as far as teaching went — but I came out with flying colours and an amazing review. I can’t post it here (company confidential and all that) but suffice to say that I (and my colleague) did so well teaching that we topped a few decades of professional courses. This week coming up I’m off platform and then off to San Francisco to teach for the week. I think my pass rate is now up to about 90% so my transition is continuing along nicely. I still have some body issues (gender related) and am still trying to figure out how to address top surgery (mostly the cost).

I’m contemplating using a tax return (next year?) to use as the base or most of it and then continue from there. I find it so frustrating at times knowing that if I stayed in Ontario a bit longer this could have been taken care of and would be one less stressor in my life. Anyways, it’s fine. There are, sometimes, more important things to life than the materialistic view we put on things. I’m not foolish enough to believe that Obama’s Health care reform will include SRS/GRS surgery support. I’ve looked over the various websites and listened to recent Weekly Address and know that it’s not there. In fact, I worry that as a legal foreign worker (on a valid visa) whether I would get covered here or not, even if I’m paying into my benefits program.

Those unknown things are always a challenge. Add on to it that I’m still figuring out how the program works. PPO vs HMO vs Exclusive PPO. Deductibles vs non-deductible programs. Sigh. How about just “coverage”? How about not telling me that I must go to this hospital/HMO to get covered? And as much as I try to research this stuff, there seems little info out there that’s really helpful. And if I decided to drop it, I cannot find a provider (at least for a reasonable price in NYC) that will cover what I want. But even in Canada, not all provinces cover GRS. As of this writing only 2 do (BC and Ontario). I think many have a misconception that GRS/SRS is an optional thing. It really isn’t. This isn’t like elective plastic surgery. This is more akin to reconstructive surgery after an accident or due to an ailment.

Anyways, on to some happier stuff. This week is rather important as Tuesday I will be standing in front of a judge for a name change. This is the 2nd time in my life I do this. And when I consider what the meaning of my original name (“pool” or “running water”) to my choosen name (“flax”) it made me think that it is a growth kind of thing. In order to grow flax, you do need water and soil. I suppose one could use the soul as the soil, the Before life as the water and the Present life as the seed to the future (flax). Well, it sounds romantic and inspiring to a degree.