Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: Life

Whine (but no cheese!)

Posted on by Posted in Life .

I’m still being bad about posting lately. I think I’m going through my hermit crab stage. I do this once and a while. Not sure why but I’m feeling a need to withdraw a bit from life. I suspect there may be a bit of depression and fear over the unknown (e.g., waiting for Performance Review to be done, waiting for visa/green card options, moving to L.A. and still having to purge, etc.). I’ve been trying to get out of the dool-drums by working out and that’s helped some but I need to work on it more. One of the big things, I suspect, is still diet. I’ve found that when I eat healthier, I’m definitely happier and more outgoing. Add exercise to that and I’m golden.

I did get the Power90 Videos and have to admit they do work (if I do them — consistency will be key). Amazing how a decent workout with resistance bands does more for me than I used to be able to do with free weights. And the bonus? I can do these in my hotel room or before a class starts (at least the ones that start at 10am). If I can be consistent with these for a while, I should see continued gains. And I’m hoping by the time I’m in L.A., I’ll be fit enough to move up to the P90X series. That should be enough to keep my body fit. The key is that I don’t want to be skinny. BMI suggests I should be 119lbs.

Really?

A toothpick, I would be.

I’m more aiming for the 150-165lbs range. The reality is that I do have a sizeable frame for my stature. I’m built like an ox or a bull (very square and if I tried, I could be no-neck athlete). I just want to drop down back to a healthier range. It’s a work in progress.

To add this, I suspect there is a bit of boredom going on and anticipation for the future. I’ve been doing a few things for far too long and I’m contemplating dropping a few sites from my moderation ability. The reality is that I’ve lost interest in those sites and have picked up interest in another: Butch Femme Planet. It’s been a while since I’ve been excited about something and I’m certainly enjoying this. While I’m not head honcho (which is fine — I try to avoid responsibility where possible), I am the geek consultant. And I am enjoying it (even if some things drive me up the wall — seriously: who makes a chat program where either all users are mods or no one is a mod!?). Anyways, it has made me contemplate that it’s time to retire my old site, MsMittens.com, and kick up another site I wanted to work on related to work/hobby stuff as well as my cigar blog. My old site has been around forever it seems but I haven’t added much to it.

I guess I need to do a virtual purge as well. I do collect things online much like I do in real life. I have this awful tendency to look at something and think, “hrmmm… I could such-and-such with you. That’d be awesome!”.

I’ll add more later tonight once I get to Vegas but for now, this will do.

Yes, yes.. I’m still here.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Gratitude, Life, transition, Traveling/Work, vegan stuff .

I’ve been lazy and busy at the same time for the last little while. I sometimes go through a non-desire to write and the most recent time period was it. I’ll admit to being a little bit of a WoW addict of late. (Yes, that is the first step to healing). But it is a cheap escape for me and the puzzles do exercise the mind in many ways. I think I’ve gotten a little bored with work. The excitement is down and I think I’m getting a little worried about the visa situation. I’m still waiting to hear. I think if it does fail, I’ll head to BC (Vancouver) and ride out the year there. It’d suck but, one does what ya have to do.

I have gotten a little bit excited about a new site that I’m helping out on: ButchFemmePlanet. Coming in at the ground level, it’s re-energinzed my non-work related geek to poke at vBulletin more and to do a little work on VeganBodybuilding site (I’m the admin there too). I have to say that BFP definitely feels like a breath of fresh air and has a good community feel about it. The community feeling is important to me. It adds to that sense of belonging and purpose that we often want in life beyond our partners. Anyways, it’s refueled my desire to re-learn PHP, go more advanced and get beyond that. I’ll be investigating into some things I could do to improve the blog a bit but we’ll see.

The NaNoWriMo failed for me this year. It was that whole bored/lazy thing. I dunno why but the idea I had at first fizzled. I used to have such a creative mind but now, not so much. It’s made me wonder if some of that is the T. My emotions and how I display them have certainly changed. I find I cannot cry any more (things that would have me sniffling barely get a whimper). It’s a very hard thing to come to grips with. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them, it’s just that I cannot show it like I used to.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This has never been a huge holiday for me largely because we never visited family and associated meaning with the holiday. When I learned the true history of Thanksgiving, that it wasn’t as “Rockwellian” as we’d believe, it lost it’s importance to me even more. It’s shocking how everyone here talks about how it’s for family and such — and then I see a lot of the grocery stores open (albeit with shortened hours). It is a commercialized holiday to the Nth degree and that really does suck. For us, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but rather our 3rd year together. We first started dating on Thanksgiving in 2006 (although online) and it’s been an amazing 3 years. Certainly we’ve had bumps and bruises along the way but I have found that we’ve gotten closer and love each other more now than before. It’s an awesome feeling. I made a pure vegan dinner — tofurky, vegan dumplings, potatos, onions, carrots, gravy and a vegan wish bone — that we thoroughly enjoyed. And then we watched Bruno. That has to be the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised that it made it to theaters and that lawsuits of one sort or another didn’t prevent it from airing. There were some parts that were just downright funny and others that surprised me that the audience didn’t kill him.

Anyways, online blog buddy DolphynGyrl wanted to know what 5 things we’re thankful for this holiday season so here are mine:

1. I am thankful that I finally found my path in life, even if it took a few years.

2. I am thankful that I have a job I love (yes, I do still love my job)

3. I am thankful for good health of friends and family

4. I am thankful that Bobcat is still around, cranky as ever.

5. I am thankful for K being in my life. Without her, life would be lonely and very plain.

Cake recipe, plans, dreams and 40th (good grief!)

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, recipes, vegan stuff .

funny-pictures-cat-is-canadianI doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.

And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.

And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.

Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.

I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.

More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.

And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.

Someone give me some cheese please.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, transition, Traveling/Work .

Well, it was a busy and exhausting week. I do love teaching and I love it even more, when doing online, to share the duties with someone else. However, there are a couple of courses I teach online that only need one instructor (largely due to the size of the class) and I had both of those this week. The reviews were really good. To add even more to ending the week on a good note, I found out I passed my certification (I had written the beta version of the certification in August and there has been some mix up over results).

But while all this is good, there are still things that dampened my happiness. K’s mom sent back my birth certificate stuff (I asked her to be my guarantor since I need someone who’s a “professional”) and I sent that off to Ontario’s Registrar General. I’m hoping that they do a quick turn-over on that and that I didn’t miss anything. It’s annoying to not have my email match my name. Once the birth certificate is done, then I send it off to Employment Canada to get my SIN (Social Insurance Number) redone. I figure that’ll be done by the end of the year (given the speed of most government departments). I kinda wonder if it’s a global thing that government departments run at the pace of a slow moving snail. Maybe it’s a requirement or something?

Honestly, however, it’s not the name change thing that’s bugging me. It’s surgery. Two specifically. While the second isn’t as critical (yet) for me, the first one is: top surgery (double mastectomy) and bottom (for now, hysterectomy would suffice). I can’t get it covered under my present plan and they specifically exclude GRS/SRS from coverage. If I switch to another provider (assuming that the HealthCare Reform doesn’t go through), I technically have a pre-existing condition (GID) that could preclude me from coverage there. Which really sucks. So, I’m going to have to save (about $10,000) in addition to paying off debt.

Sigh.

I just have to remind myself I can do this. It’s very conceivable to save up the money as well as pay off the debt.  It’s kind of like having motivation to lose weight: being determined as to what the final goal is. Does it mean I’ll fall off the wagon now and again? Oh, sure. But if I keep at it, I’ll have more steps forward than back. I think one of the things that would help (well, two actually) is a slight raise (haven’t had one in a couple of years now) and a green card. I think both of those would be welcomed. In just over 13 months, my present visa will expire (unless they get the extension, which tacks on another 2 years to it). I’d rather have the green card. I think I’ve proven that I’m here for the company and will be staying well beyond the life of the green card. Either Oct or November will be annual review time so I’m going to have to figure out how to word this best.

Sometimes, I just wish I could win the lottery — even a little 2nd place. I know I’m not in a horrible situation and know that I put myself in this situation but there are times when I could just use the breather. And don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the beautiful love in my life and the job I have. I know many others are no where near that. But… [insert whiney voice here]

An update on life..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition .

Well, this week promises to be exciting:

– I should be hearing back finally on my certification attempt (required for work). I did the beta exam and for that, a pass is a pass. If I don’t pass, then I’ll have to try the regular exam, of which I need 85% to pass.

– I should also be getting back forms from my g/f’s mom, who I asked to be my guarantor for my birth certificate (stage 1 of the name change thing). Once I get those, I’ll send them off to Ontario Registry Ministry for my new birth certificate. Then I can go after my SIN and Passport.

– This week will mark my final tax payment to the Canadian gov’t for my 2007 taxes. After this I only worry about US taxes. The money I’ve been paying to them will go towards CCs and EF (emergency fund), which I need to work on again.

So lots of good things coming. I do still need to be more vigilant on my spending and be more aware of what I am buying. A return back to a vegan lifestyle will likely help me in that endeavor. I’ve been trying to make some money off my cigar blog but it’s been slow going. Perhaps with an increased/improved economy next year it might happen. I have being going at the surveys but haven’t seen an actual cheque (although I am seeing some money accrue).

Oct/Nov should be annual review months and I do think I am in a position to ask for a raise and promotion. I’ll have to be asking for my visa to be extended or replaced with a green card. If I don’t get a green card or a new visa, I’ll have to leave the US for a year and won’t be able to work there for that year. Definitely not good for me or my company. I know they’ve gotten green cards for others so I think it’s just a matter of patience and urgency.

I’ll also start saving all bonuses and tax returns for a surgery fund. Although I don’t need a lot (about $7500-10,000), I know that under the present health benefits program I won’t be able to get my necessary surgeries covered. And that is causing me more and more grief. I know if I didn’t get myself into this financial situation I could have done this already but.. I’m in this situation now and am going to get out of it. It’s slow slogging but I’m definitely chipping away at things.

All-in-all, life is good. Not great but good.

Rambles on a Sunday morning

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

This past week has been particularly brutal — as far as teaching went — but I came out with flying colours and an amazing review. I can’t post it here (company confidential and all that) but suffice to say that I (and my colleague) did so well teaching that we topped a few decades of professional courses. This week coming up I’m off platform and then off to San Francisco to teach for the week. I think my pass rate is now up to about 90% so my transition is continuing along nicely. I still have some body issues (gender related) and am still trying to figure out how to address top surgery (mostly the cost).

I’m contemplating using a tax return (next year?) to use as the base or most of it and then continue from there. I find it so frustrating at times knowing that if I stayed in Ontario a bit longer this could have been taken care of and would be one less stressor in my life. Anyways, it’s fine. There are, sometimes, more important things to life than the materialistic view we put on things. I’m not foolish enough to believe that Obama’s Health care reform will include SRS/GRS surgery support. I’ve looked over the various websites and listened to recent Weekly Address and know that it’s not there. In fact, I worry that as a legal foreign worker (on a valid visa) whether I would get covered here or not, even if I’m paying into my benefits program.

Those unknown things are always a challenge. Add on to it that I’m still figuring out how the program works. PPO vs HMO vs Exclusive PPO. Deductibles vs non-deductible programs. Sigh. How about just “coverage”? How about not telling me that I must go to this hospital/HMO to get covered? And as much as I try to research this stuff, there seems little info out there that’s really helpful. And if I decided to drop it, I cannot find a provider (at least for a reasonable price in NYC) that will cover what I want. But even in Canada, not all provinces cover GRS. As of this writing only 2 do (BC and Ontario). I think many have a misconception that GRS/SRS is an optional thing. It really isn’t. This isn’t like elective plastic surgery. This is more akin to reconstructive surgery after an accident or due to an ailment.

Anyways, on to some happier stuff. This week is rather important as Tuesday I will be standing in front of a judge for a name change. This is the 2nd time in my life I do this. And when I consider what the meaning of my original name (“pool” or “running water”) to my choosen name (“flax”) it made me think that it is a growth kind of thing. In order to grow flax, you do need water and soil. I suppose one could use the soul as the soil, the Before life as the water and the Present life as the seed to the future (flax). Well, it sounds romantic and inspiring to a degree.

Reflections after vacation

Posted on by Posted in Life .

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” — James Dean (1931-1955)

Self Portrait, July 2009

Self Portrait, July 2009

Sometimes, when we go on vacation, we get to see how we could live. Through the eyes of friends and family we become part of their lives and how they live. As much as I enjoy large cities for all the variety, I’m finding more and more that the call to smaller cities or towns has an appeal. Being an unknown in a large city is ok but being part of something more personal, often something that can be achieved on the smaller scale is something that I do think society needs to move back towards. During my stay in Halifax last week for my aunt’s wedding, I finished U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life? It was interesting to read as it highlights what, I suspect, many late bloom trans individuals go through. One of the things that Bruce Griersen identified is that what appears as a U-turn may, in fact, not be a u-turn but rather the actualization of an existing point of view.

The thing that changes it from what exists in dreams to reality can be anything from the smallest incident to a major stressor (often, major stress factors are identified as catalysts to moving forward with dreams). I think for me I’ve always wanted to live a simplier life, one without TV (or limited TV), more interaction with others, simplier life habits and living closer off the land. I’m not foolish enough to think that it’ll be the ultimate solution to life’s challenges but I found I’m more relaxed and more centered with life. We spent nearly a week in Halifax and more specifically, in Jollymore/Purcell’s Cove where my aunt and now-uncle live. I would need a driver’s license (I’m finding more and more I do need one now so perhaps it’s time to get one) but I could live with that if it gives our family a better sense of family, connection, etc.

One of the things I like is that you and your neighbours have to get to know each other, partially for survival and partially because of being courteous, particularly in Canada. Part of me would love to be in Nova Scotia but even moving to the coast of B.C. (say, near Vancouver since I need to be somewhat near an airport) would be great. B.C., in particular, would be nice given their support of GRS as part of their health program. I sorta wish there was some kind of support for health care for Canadians who live just over the border or something (I understand the why nots and such — makes sense). If we had to stay in the US, Washington State or Oregon would good alternative areas. As much as California appeals to me, the reality is that it’s too expensive to buy a house in unless my salary doubles overnight or something. Although, as I write this, I did a quick search and it seems that the average for housing in many areas are too high (most areas seem to be around the $400K and higher range along the west coast although Oregon was cheaper as it was in the $300K range).

For now it’s a dream but we will, at some point, find an area to settle down in and make those dreams reality. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy life as is and continue with the flow. Thus far, it’s been pretty good. I’ll probably have some more thoughts to add once I’m back home. I actually on the road this week and it’ll be nice to finally be back. I’m sure Bobcat will be thrilled to have one of us home for a bit.

Everyday People

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Life, transgender, transition .

Sometimes I’m right, but I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my song
The butcher, the baker, the drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I’m in

I am everyday people
Yeah, yeah

There is a blue one who can’t accept the green one
For living with a fat one trying to be a skinny one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on, and so on and scooby-dooby-doo

Ah yes. Sly and the Family Stone. As I was riding the elevator up to the apartment with freshly cleaned clothes I heard this classic in the background. It seemed apropos since we’ll be heading out to Halifax tomorrow for my aunt’s wedding. It’s all fun but also a bit nerve-racking. I know my aunt will be swamped and pre-occupied with the wedding. We’re heading out early to help out where we can and to also let K get a chance to actually see Halifax in person rather than from the backseat of a car. It’ll be interesting.

We went downtown to get me a suit for the wedding and went to the Wall Street area Men’s Warehouse. While the cost, in the end, wasn’t as frugal as I wanted it to be I did get two suits — one for summer and one for fallish-winter — for the price of one with alterations. I suppose it’s an investment (I tend to be a jeans/shorts kind of guy). What was flattering was being sir’d all the way through it. I was treated like the most important person in the world (while he does the hard sell he was a classy salesguy). I think I’m starting to come to grip with the fact that I am passing. Part of me is “WOOHOO!” and part of me is stunned, as if to wonder — “When did that happen?”. Kinda like puberty sneaking up on you.

For most of my family it’ll be almost two years since I’ve seen them. It’ll be interesting to see the response. I know some might be surprised. More importantly, I’m hoping that they’ll see how happy I am. It’s weird to feel so consistently happy like I have since I began the transition and since K has been in my life. I keep expecting the other shoe to drop and something bad happen. What’s really nice is that we talk about the dreams we have and where we want to be. We both realize this is an evolving thing and it sometimes changes. We’ll probably move a couple of more times before we settle. I think one thing is for sure, wherever we finally put roots down we’ll have a good time along the way.

It’s interesting how I still have no desire to be stealth and yet.. Well, I am without trying. I haven’t found a situation where I’ve been threatened or challenged yet and I think the reason is that I’m neither threatening nor do I seemingly upset the balance of gender for others. Perhaps that’s why it’s harder to find FTM role models of the past and why people like Chaz are important as they transition. Although that said, we really don’t need celebrities to be our role models. I think what we need are more local individuals to be role models for those that are up-and-coming. I’ve always said that transitioning isn’t for everyone — and it really isn’t. This is a selfish thing that one has to decide to do to rectify whatever went wrong during conception that resulted in a brain-body mismatch. Some people learn to adjust while others cannot. Neither is bad nor horrible. They are each the paths we have to take. In the end.. we’re really just everyday people, eh?

I am everyday people

Another year has passed.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Gratitude, Life, transgender, transition .

It’s been a busy week or so for me and an interesting one. Last week, because I wanted to do a beta version of a certification, I was studying like mad in addition to teaching our new course in front of students. My average day just for the teaching, not including travel time, was nothing less than 10 hours. Add to that a round-trip total of 3 hours on the subway and then another 3-5 hours each night studying and the week was 80+ hours of “work”. Anyways, I wrote the certification yesterday and am waiting for the results. I’m hopeful that I passed because then I won’t have to recertify (which means writing the regular exam and getting 85% on it). It was a quiet week at home for me since K was in Los Angeles and Bobcat lost her voice (I suspect she was meowing all day trying to find someone and couldn’t). While I like my little moments of bachelorhood, I prefer it when K is around. More laughter and dreaming happens.

Anyways, back to last week. So this was the first week I was teaching at our NYC facility and doing so, out to the staff, as an FTM. I didn’t tell my students since it’s not a really a requirement nor is it really their business. If someone had asked, I’d certainly say that I am trans and such but since it wasn’t relevant, I left it. I used the men’s washroom but usually when empty (as it happened it was a light load of students this week at the facility so it was easier for me). What was interesting was how I was read. Since I haven’t had top surgery yet I worry about how I present still but I was completely read as to how I view myself. It’s amazing how far I’ve come in a year (July 24 happens to be my year anniversary on T).  The reviews on my teaching came back good and the references were entirely “he”. This was good and I had to chuckle as one student, his transphobia showing a bit, went on a rant about being “felt up” while on the subway. He said he wouldn’t have mind if it was a women but if it was a guy or a trans women, well!

I have doubts that he was “felt up” and that it was more a question of people shifting when the subway is packed (Toronto has nothing on NYC when it comes to packed subways, let me tell you). I didn’t laugh and the look on my face must have been enough to shut him up because he didn’t mention it again except for one last comment that he could identify a trans person easily. I froze at this. Based on his demeanour and claimed history, he sounds like a guy who uses action first and then — maybe — thinks about it. He claims to have “family” ties back to Europe. But he read me as I a guy and didn’t clue in. He didn’t say anything further. A person’s prejudice is their own thing and as long as he stopped it in the classroom, then all was good (which he did — amazing how one doesn’t have to speak to get a point across). I had thought about writing about this yesterday but was restless and I couldn’t figure out why — until both my aunts reminded me.

17 years ago yesterday my mom was murdered. The guy who did it is now free and out there. Last I heard he had cancer and I have no doubts that he never accepted responsibility for what he did. Up until his release he was convinced it was my mom’s fault that this happened. Now, she was never the easiest woman to live with but blaming her for his actions.. well. A real man takes responsibility for what he’s done, even if it was a really horrible mistake. And that action was. It was that action that put my life onto this path, for good or bad. I may have still ended up on this path if it had never happened but how different life might have been. I remember it took a long time for the guilt and anger to subside. I still look for those little moments I try to remember where we were happy — usually holidays at my aunt’s house. I know I was blessed to have so many aunts and uncles to turn to. I know that they may not fully understand this process or path I’m on but they do love me, support me and know I’m happy.

And really, when I look back, the one thing I wanted in life was love. And yet, I never realized I had it at times. I know now. The transition of body is, I believe I’ve said somewhere, the easy part. It’s the transition of mind and soul that is the challenge. Learning to love one’s self when the world feels against you and has been against your true self can, at times, make you doubt your sanity or path that life gives you. But ultimately, it is about finding one’s own true happiness.

Who’d thunk I’d found that in this lifetime?

Personal Blog Poll: Do you have a bucket list?

Posted on by Posted in Life, Polls .

So last month’s poll was interesting. The majority of people (77%) said that gender shouldn’t be required for TSA while 23% said it should. Rather interesting and I’m curious as to those people who felt it should as to why it should. As someone who’s spent a better part of his computer career learning how to break into systems as well as how to protect them, identifiers like gender really aren’t really true security mechanisms (more like security through obscurity) and could cause more challenges than not. Perhaps, for some, it creates a sense of security but for others it opens up a bunch of wounds about past realities. It also opens up the possibility for someone to be unfairly discriminated against. Not all TSA members would do this and I’d bet that the majority are honest but all it takes is one. I’ve been pretty lucky thus far not to have to face this or address this — yet. Anyways, more to ponder on this one.

I was watching Kathy Griffin the other night on My Life on the D-List and was interested in the bucket list she had her mom do. It comes from the movie The Bucket List and the idea is that you create a list of the things you want to do before you…erhm.. kick the bucket. So I thought I’d create my own but was curious if others have one and, if they are inclined, what do they have on it?

My bucket list:

1. Get top surgery

2. Get hysto

3. Get Master’s Degree in Computer Forensics or Virtualization (if it exists)

4. Learn how to program in C.

5. Become a dad

6. Get my own puppy

7. Bike across Canada

8. Bike across the USA

9. Bike somewhere in Europe, Africa and Asia (once in each continent)

10. Become debt free (HA!)

11. Buy a house

12. Get my driver’s license

13. Get my motorcycle license

14. Build my cigar man-cave (see item 11. first)

15. Go to France to see ancestral home/village

16. Buy a car (ideally a mustang, Challenge, Dart or something like that — earlier versions would be fun to work on)

17. Get Green Card and eventually US Citizenship

18. Write a book

19. Publish a book

20. Be happy (oh, wait.. I am doing that last one 😉 )

20 Reduce: see Kathy Griffin live. 🙂