Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: LGBTQ

Scratch Planet Fitness off my list..

Posted on by Posted in fitness .

I think I may just go basic and run up and down the stairs (that’s 7 flights of stairs with 13 steps each so a quick bit of math –> 91 steps) a few times for cardio in the winter. I have kettleballs, a simple dumbbell, Iron Gym Pull Bar (yes, that thing from TV), crunches, pushups and my Wii (for added excitement). I was thinking that the gym might be worthwhile because I could get a trainer at the location to help me focus a bit. Bally’s was already off my list. I’ve never been fond of them and any gym that can’t quote a price to me over the phone is out as is anyone who does hard sells (Bally’s is known for this). It shouldn’t be that hard.

Really, it shouldn’t.

NY Athletic Clubs were also out because they seem to have a similar rep and Lucille Roberts, a women-only’s gym, well, would present a problem now, wouldn’t it? So I thought why not take a look at Planet Fitness? They’ve been advertising a low rate ($20/month, no contract) and had simple gym design. They weren’t for the fitness buff but for the person who needed to get into a shape other than round (the side effect of a geek’s life, even a vegan one). So I sent them out an email to find out what packages they could offer and asked what their position was on transgendered/transsexual individuals. They replied today with a cheerful email about all the things they offered, a listing of two payment options (contract and no contract). And, oh ya. The transgendered thing? They go by the state/federal documents identifier.

Ya. Not for me.

At the least they notified me in advance to avoid embarrassment and I will be writing them a “thanks but no thanks” letter. It’s fine if my passport says that but reality is that I don’t look like that letter. And I can bet that many women won’t want a guy in their change room. It’d be too disruptive and likely to set their “Lunk alarm” off (their “lunk alarm” is something akin to an air raid that goes off when someone drops the weights heavily, intentionally or not). They probably didn’t think of that when they sent me the email.

Sigh.

Society will always have me pegged in the wrong hole until I have all surgeries so that I can fit into the little single box that someone sets out for me, eh? On the top end of the scale, this boils down to money. Or more succinctly, potential loss of money and the cost to create an environment that would be open to all. And by all, “they” mean the cisgendered society at large. Conforming means that things are all the same and often costs are lower as a result. Additionally, there is the potential loss of existing customers when a “we’re-not-quite-sure-but-it-may-be-an…??” comes into a change room, customers may get that “ick!” feeling and will let management know about this, in both loud voice and dollar signs. However, let’s be honest here: the concern isn’t really an FTM in the men’s change room but rather the MTF in the women’s. It is the old idea that a “man” (physical stuff between the legs concept) is some kind of perv who wants to rape.

It makes me wonder if some of the health issues that many trans individuals face pre and post surgery isn’t due to the surgery or hormones but from the lack of access to facilities to do necessary exercises (e.g., I would love to be able to work out at 5am, grunting and sweatin’ to the oldies — which for me is the 70s and 80s). And that second guessing ourselves comes from a lack of body image and chance to adjust that image because of a lack of facilities. Now all of this is supposition on my part given that many trans individuals, particularly here in the US, sink a fortune into the day-to-day needs of legal costs, hormones, doctors and surgeries (never mind the fears that comes with what society has portrayed many as — monsters). And when you do all of that, your living costs will often be kept to a minimum so that means smaller place to rent/buy and less food options (often resulting in cheaper options).

I guess I’ll have to figure out something on my own to work out and improve my overall fitness. Running up and down those stairs should be a good start but it’s a shame that I couldn’t find a place where I could do it without potentially waking up my neighbours and actually get advice when I need it.

Must-see DVD: For the Bible Tells Me So..

Posted on by Posted in LGBTQ .

I just finished watching this DVD (thanks Netflix) and gotta say: the more I investigate how Christianity works the more I believe what Ghandi said. One of the things that seems evident of some here in the world is that if it is written then we are to interpret it as it is written and consider nothing else. The assumption is that the world  never changes and should never change. That it, like God, are constants. But I wonder if some got the message a little screwy, like the Telephone game that kids play. You know, the one where a secret message is told in a large group and by the time you get to the last person the “peanut butter and jelly sandwich” has become the “green elephant on the marshmallow roof”.

The world changes although the actual text, often left to interpretation by us little mere mortals, doesn’t change that much. And from that text are pulled some common quotes:

Leviticus 18:22 (King James Version)

22Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Source)

The Leviticus quote is the most common one done by various groups who pontificate on the evils of homosexuality. It is interesting that this is often choosen as the main text by, as per the DVD, “literals” — those that take the Bible and read it literally. The challenge to this is that we forget to main points: 1) the Bible were written by men (there are no passages, AFAIK, written by women) and their take on God 2) those letters were written 2,000 in a different time and place than today and 3) were written a few hundred times until we reached where we are today. The Bible is one of the longest ongoing telephone games around. What is often forgotten was that this was, as theologians put it, a form of “holiness” code. A holiness code was a code of behaviours put forth in contrast to the “non-Jews” at the time period. It was a challenge to the excesses and desire to live by right. Many religions and philosophies have that built in. Even in Buddhism we have the 5 Percepts which includes a precept to “abstain from sexual misconduct and sensual overindulgence2“. Does that mean homosexuality? No. It means to ensure that sex is treated as the intimate and relationship building behaviour that it should be; and that it be done with consent between people. In the context of Leviticus, it was a commentary of what was going on at the time by the “pagans” — particularly the wealthy to-do ones who used sex as an activity for the sake of demeaning one’s enemies rather than the union of people.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Mahatma Gandhi quotes (Indian Philosopher, 1869-1948)

Genesis 19 talks about the infamous Sodom and Gomorrah, the so-called wicked twin cities. Now this one might have more relevance today but not for the reasons that I think many of us have been taught. The whole story, when you read it, isn’t about the so-called “wicked sexual behaviour” but rather the denying someone into your home with open arms and feasting in the presence of another. Basically something that is sorely lacking in today’s society. We too often sit behind closed doors and refuse others to come in, offering shelter, help, love, laughter and a meal. God, as per this passage, smote the cities because people were — basically — refusing to be human to each other. The site I used for the Leviticus passage allows you to see how each various Bible interpretation lists the passage for Genesis 19:5. The original King James version reads: “And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.” (emphasis on the last words mine). As I flipped to other versions, this got changed to “that we may have sex with them”. At a time when the privileged individuals of cities were turning away “strangers”, it was important to know who existed within the gates and if they were deemed unworthy, they were shunned or worse.

This isn’t about homosexuality or anything else. It’s about how we treat each other and that we should treat each other, even when we are complete strangers, with respect and with the most important message of the Bible that is often forgotten: love. That is what it is ultimately about, isn’t it? Perhaps we need to be more like Christ again and open our doors to each other. If our concern is about where our society is going, then I think we need to start by asking ourselves a simple question: how do I treat the strangers that walk into my life, asking for the simplest of help?

Anyways, the DVD does definitely give thought to both sides of the fence and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the Bible a bit more.

Southern Comfort Documentary (2001)

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition .

I’ve been absent from my support group of late. A lot of it is because of work. The reality is that there is only so much time in a day and teaching, often, in the CST timezone means that I often don’t finish until 6pm EDT. Sometimes I’m on the road.  Since it takes an hour to get to group it means I often miss out on attending. It’s hard at times since the group is often the closest thing to an extended, closer-to-touch family. I do miss it. One of the things I’ve wanted is a large family to be around. I’ve known a large part of my life alone. Having that option where I could invite friends over, have a beer and a cigar, yap, laugh, etc. is something I’ve wanted. Having siblings of some sort, with some kind of shared experience of life, is the other thing I’ve wanted.

Today, as I avoided doing some work, I watched Southern Comfort (2001). It was a wonderful DVD in that it showed the great family connection that Robert Eads and his “sons” made but heartbreaking and maddeningly baffling that the health care system so blatantly ignored the basic raison d’etre for health care: to look after those that need medical help. I have to say that I’m incredibly luckier than most at the support that I’ve gotten from the medical profession here in NYC. As much as I want to move to small town, parts of me worry about the exact issue that Mr. Eads experienced during his lifetime. To die of a curable cancer because no one would treat you is just wrong. My post this morning was about universal health care and whether it could exist here. I have doubts since patient’s rights are not something that seem to be considered.

To keep the good of the patient as the highest priority. — Modern Hippocratic Oath #7

Since so many doctors are taught to put the value of medicine before the needs of the patient, even if universal health care came to be many patients will be ignored because they do not fit into the societal definition of male or woman. I’m not sure how denying someone medical help because they are trans is ensuring that the “good of the patient” is being kept as a priority compared to one’s own fears, prejudices and ignorance. And before someone says that it was perhaps the medical profession was unable to do it, when they called they referenced the trans portion at the end. Until those words were mentioned, the medical professions were eager to help. As to the reasoning as to why they refused to help isn’t clear. It could be anything from fear to ignorance to just place hatred?

I’m sure a lot has changed since this video was made, especially since the Southern Comfort Conference is held in Georgia. But I’m sure there are still areas and medical centers that still discriminate against trans individuals. I wonder how much this is changing with the more visible younger trans guys that are more evident these days? Hopefully, the economy isn’t used as an excuse to prevent an individual from getting support these days. One can only hope that one day health care will be about providing patients with the best possible care, regardless of who the patient is.

It’s not just a really big show

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition .

I recently read Véronique’s blog where she discusses an article by the Catholic Exchange where ENDA would legal protections against discrimination based on gender identity . In a nutshell, they say that trans individuals are deceivers, particularly focusing on MTFs, because they (transsexuals) are those “who reject the sex they were born with and want to be publicly accepted as the other sex” and want protections as well as additional consideration for hate crimes against trans individuals. As I read the article and a few of the comments, I thought to my blog entry to yesterday. So I thought about the discussion and some of the premises that it was based on. It was based on the fear that it would allow men in women’s dresses to go into women’s changing rooms and restrooms. I was surprised they didn’t use the “rape and pedophile argument” that is often used in this case. The whole thing is based on the idea that it’s a deliberate attempt to deceiver others, society and themselves. And that it’s being encouraged by the mass media and medical professions.

“We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)

The more I thought about it,the more I was puzzled by items in the article. So began taking it apart, starting with the word “deception”. This is an old word from the 1400-1500s and is defined, by dictionary.reference.com, as a noun, to be either ” 1.the act of deceiving; the state of being deceived.” or  “2.something that deceives or is intended to deceive; fraud; artifice”.  Ok. I can live with that definition. But who’s being deceived? They claim the public is being deceived by the media and activits; the individual themselves are self-deceiving both themselves and others; and that the media and medical profession is deceiving trans individuals into believing that they must do this. Hrmm.

So, my own thoughts from when I was younger — before gender mattered to me — about seeing myself as male was a self-deception? And which is worse: self deception or perceived deception of society? Honestly, if no one knows my gender, does it matter? If it doesn’t matter why are people being killed over it? (Well, they did say that it was understandable to have this reaction because of the fact that one has “deceived” the other person of their “true” DNA). By their logic, I should spend the rest of my life in a gender that never fit, that’s not comfortable and caused me more personal grief over the course of my lifetime. It is almost as if they are saying that the person attacking is the victim, not the person being attacked.

But part of the premise that they are forwarding is a belief that there is a deliberate attempt by a trans individual to “deceive”. And what they do not understand or perhaps, may not be able to comprehend is that this isn’t a choice to do an action. For me, deception involves a deliberate intention to commit fraud to someone else and that we are aware that it is a fraud. And (yes, I’m generalizing but take a leap with me, please) I suspect that many trans individuals, like myself, don’t view transition or being trans as a fraud but rather that we’re finally being authentic as was given to us. A born-again Christian once said to me that while he didn’t understand my path he did admit that he felt that God had put many challenges before me. And he’s right (whether it is God, Allah, some other deity or none my life has been filled with a variety of challenges). I had always wondered why others were happy with life and how could I get in on that. I tried all sorts of things — things that often made me feel uncomfortable and made me feel like a sham, a fraud.

You should not live one way in private, another in public.  — Publilius Syrus (Latin writer of maxims, 45BC-1BC)

Apparently for those that believe the way that the Catholic Exchange do I should live my life as a sham than as my true self because society might have issue with it. I look back at the past and how Jesus or Buddha wer defined (I use Jesus as a reference since it’s a person that a Catholic could identify with; please be assured I am no way near the compassionate man he or someone like the Buddha was) during their times on the planet. Both men were viewed with fear, revulsion and misunderstanding until people took the time to learn about them and what they were talking about. Both had little desire to cater to the wealth and helped those that needed the most help. They remained true to themselves as beings rather than living up to the desire to fit into a specific view of things: one was the son of a carpenter (and probably likely to inherit that role) while the other a king and believed to inherit riches beyond imagination at the time. Society would have been happy with that but they “bucked” the trend and went with what they felt was the true nature of themselves.

If others choose to believe that someone like me deliberately attempts to deceive them, the one suggestion I have: this ain’t about you. It’s about me and what fits for me. I’ll let you know what you need to know when it’s relevant. There are a lot of things about me that others don’t need to know (although I do talk a lot here about what seems like everything) but there are some things that are on a need-to-know basis or will be on that basis.

June is Pride Month

Posted on by Posted in Buddhism, trans activism, transgender .

It is something that I’ve mentioned before but is worthwhile mentioning again: trans history is often almost non-existent. It’s not that it doesn’t exist but that few people remember it, know about it or care to know about it. Recently in the Dallas Voice they did cover it. I’ve included a snippet of the article below. Keep in mind that trans history goes farther back than this. In fact, Buddha allowed for transgendered “males to be ordain and live as nuns and transgendered females to ordain and live with monks”.  Most of the information is piecemeal and all over the place. Perhaps one day it can be centralized in one location or published in a book about the history of trans individuals worldwide. Quite often, however, it is more recent times where transgendered/transsexual has become politicized and a request for explicit rights and protections has been asked. Hopefully, one day, too, this will be a wonderful part of history.

1969
On Saturday, June 28, the Stonewall Inn, a Mafia-run gay bar in Greenwich Village, is raided by police officers arresting gender nonconforming patrons and workers, hauling them off in paddy wagons. Though reports vary, transgender individuals such as Sylvia Rivera have been cited as among the first to resist police harassment.

This same year,  Stanley Biber performs his first sex change operation and his practice in Trinidad, Colo., later becomes known as the “Sex Change Capital of the World.”

1970
Angela Douglas leaves the Gay Liberation Front, established in response to Stonewall, on grounds of anti-transgender sentiment and forms TAO (Transsexual Activist Organization), the first international grassroots transgender organization.

1971
Transgender woman Paula Grossman, a music teacher at Cedar Hill Elementary School in Basking Ridge, N.J., is fired on the grounds she was “an impairment of the school system.”  Grossman lost her case at the N.J. state and federal levels and was denied a U.S. Supreme Court appeal.

1972
Transgender woman and lesbian singer Beth Elliot is ousted from the Daughters of Bilitis, the first lesbian rights organization in the U.S., on the grounds she wasn’t “really a woman,” causing a schism in the organization. Elliot, though, is embraced by a two-thirds majority of lesbians at the 1973 Westcoast Lesbian Feminist Conference and allowed to musically perform.

1973
Love it or hate it, the world is introduced to Dr. Frank N. Furter, the self-identified “sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania,” in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” originally a British stage musical.

1974
British historian and transgender woman Jan Morris publishes her transitional memoir “Conundrum,” and is later named by The Times as one of Britain’s top 15 writers since The War.

1975
Fantasia Fair makes its debut in P-town and has today become the longest-running annual transgender event.

Read more here.

Happiness Can Only Exist in Acceptance .. but whose?

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work .

So this week I’m in Dallas. It’s been a decent week albeit hot. And I don’t just mean warm, I mean so hot an egg could fry on the pavement if you put it there. The food culture here is also challenging. The deep-frying of everything can be a bit much (although, if I wasn’t vegan, I’d try the deep fried Snickers; maybe if they could deep fry an oreo for me or something). I did have deep fried corn on the cob (!!?!). It did seal in the juicyness of the cob but there was nothing more to it than that. Food aside, it’s been both a good week and a bit depressing. It’s good in that I’m rock star as I teach. The students seem to be enjoying it and staying awake (heat be damned). This is always good and getting lots of questions, even in a small class, has been good. I’ve been “Ma’am” and “she’d” a little more than I’d like, however. It’s weird after going for weeks on end where I get “sir”, “mister”, etc. to be given the other gender like that. It’s almost a slap in the face as to what I do not feel comfortable in.

This is a stark contrast to last week when I felt like I was on top of the world. The variety of activities that ensued to make life seem far more exciting and safe than they do this week. I’m actually kind of concerned, given that I’m in Texas — relatively conservative compared to other places, about how others may be reacting to me and how my presence in certain areas (e.g., washroom and such) may heighten the risk to my personal safety. My students seem ok but it’s really everyone else that I have to deal with that worries me. The looks I get (and ignore for the most part) have me wondering if someone is going to try something. For all of my life I’ve never been worried about my safety until now. The more I experience this the more I want some basic surgeries to address what is still left to address.

This week has seen a continuance of the discussion of Chaz’ decision to transition. It is great in one way to have such a public figure transition but in others, it may open up more of a challenge for other trans individuals. We’ll be expected to be as open and public about our process. For me it’s not an issue but for others it may be. They  may have more of a private life that they do not want to be shared nor do they want that expectation to be shared looming over them. Additionally, Chaz startdoom is a benefit to him, even if it’s inherited. He’ll likely be treated better than the average trans individual. This will be true, IMO, on a face-to-face basis. When one is viewed from a distance a whole variety of other factors will come into play, particularly anonymity. The responses by the general public has been less than positive. If anything they have been worse than what I’ve seen against other trans individuals.

In some ways it would be nice to let the public see how a transition is and what it’s like to face discrimination, particularly when people don’t understand the reasoning behind transitioning. It’s not about what’s in society; it’s not about wanting privilege; it’s not about trying to fit in with what society accepts. It is about what is acceptable to the self and how a person views the self in regards to others. I understand why others cannot see the world as I see it and why I have this need or this coercive soul-binding draw to do what I must just as much as I cannot understand what it’s like to not have that in place. The important thing is to remember that not all of us walk the same path. Whether you call it God, Fate or just what life is we each have our own path put before us. Degrading and demeaning one of us affects us all.

As much as I would like to be accepted by society I know that will not be the answer to my ultimate soul happiness. For that, I have to accept myself as is. And try as I might, the view of what I am is very different than what I was born with (just the external parts — inside, there is a lot I like although I’m constantly improving and updating). Shouldn’t that be what our lives are about? Experiencing, learning, growing??

Family is still family no matter how it’s defined.

Posted on by Posted in Life, transgender, transition .

Well, life will be slowing down a little this summer (or at least for a month or so) for me as far as work is concerned. I have to get prepared for new courses and I may be lead instructor on one or two courses (*insert Snoopy dance here hoping it will happen*). I’m still working out with HR what the email out to my colleagues should be. And while it’s been fun to be bachelor for the last couple of weeks, I’m really looking forward to having K back this week. It’s been awfully quiet and lonely without her. She is definitely my everything. While I sometimes let work get me to busy, there are times when I get lost looking into her eyes.

And it’s interesting. If someone had told me years ago that this was my path and I would be so happy, I wouldn’t have believed them. Granted, lately, I’ve let myself get into a rut of not doing a lot (creatively I’ve been drained of late which is why I’m not posting as much) but I know that’s cyclical and I’ll probably end up in a creative streak later. I still have to work on my bio-novel from last year. Plus start a new blog. Tomorrow I’m going to go to start the actual legal process of changing my name. I’ve been living with both names for a while now. It’s one of the things I still have yet to officially address.

The only other thing would be the official gender. After some research, I realized I can do it but would have to have at least one surgery done. This means for a long time I will be open to what society forces on me to reveal about myself. Things like travel mean that I have to let others know about how I was born and that who I am in relation to that is different. Some parts of society chooses to ignore this but there are larger segments that do not and can be violent about it. I won’t lie. It does worry me insofar as my life in general but more in regards to what the future holds. K and I have talked about kids in the future. I dream of the day when I’m there for my kids; playing, teaching, laughing, crying. But I do worry about how society might interfere with our lives. Some places don’t allow for same-sex adoptive parents (technically, I would fall under that). Thankfully, California and Canada both do that so if K and I lived in either I could legally be “daddy”. But what of the other states? Why do I have to fit into the single notion of what family is and what a guy is?

I earn an honest living;  I support my family and will support it when we have kids; I pay my taxes; obey the law; I’m part of my community (when in town and when I can). I cannot imagine what others go through to feel so much hate against others that they deny basic rights to those that don’t fit into their picture of what a person is or what a family should look like. Why can I not just able to enjoy life like anyone else? I will say that I am grateful for the life I do have and tonight will think of those whose families aren’t together at all.

Namaste.

A history of the same-sex marriage in the US

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, Politics .

I had a lunch with a friend over the weekend who explained to me a bit more about the US Constitution and how it’s supposed to protect minority groups from being oppressed by the larger majority. It’s interesting to note that this is actually what is going on in the US and no one has taken it to the federal court to challenge the bans on that exact basis:

Transparency: A History of Gay Marriage Bans

Transparency: A History of Gay Marriage Bans

Trans Thoughts: The Battles Within the T Community

Posted on by Posted in trans activism, transgender, transition .

Going back to Ottawa last week was great in some respects, in others, not so much. I have to admit grinning internally as I’d listen to students 2nd guess my gender when they’d discuss things amongst themselves. And I got braver about using the right washroom. The biggest challenge will come next week when I’m with colleagues. Everything will be in the hotel so that will make things easier but it will still be interesting. It does press the need for my name change, to officially come out to colleagues and to move forward with necessary surgery (the heat this weekend highlighted the need for top surgery — just sweat with so many layers on trying to hide things).

All-in-all I will admit to being very lucky. Transmen really do have it easier compared to our trans sisters. And white trans individuals have more leeway than POC trans individuals. Lately, however, I’ve been reading on the internet about some of the hate-filled comments others have made about transwomen. What seems to be one of the most distressing ones is attacks from individuals that society might view as trans. Two sites I frequent recently erupted into battles over transsexual/transgender versus HBS.

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace — Buddha

Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) is the idea that the body was deformed at birth and thus surgical sexual reassignment surgery is needed to “cure” one self. Often it is linked to intersex disorders (intersex is a range of disorders that result in the genitals being ambigous; you can find out more here) but the thing to remember is that HBS is not intersex. And to date, HBS (sometimes referred to as “true transsexualism”) hasn’t been validated by peers or accepted by the APA/AMA. For me, this is important. For those that view themselves as having HBS, if it resolves what they feel it does within themselves, then that is good. I cannot view myself that way because it does deny where my past was, which is still something I want to honour as it is part of who made me the person I am.

One of the biggest challenges with HBS, in my opinion, is that there is a perceived view as to what makes a transsexual and how a transsexual should look. There is a huge desire that a transsexual look perfect and pass perfectly; anything less suggests not beng “true”.  Add to that a desire to not be associated with transgender (that is, gender different people who may be pre-op, no-op, etc.) as well as the LGBTQ community at large and it creates an unfortunate schism in the overall community. Granted that this is their choice, that is fine but often what has been happening is a deliberate attempt to go after those that choose another path that they are more comfortable with. I respect a person’s choice to transition or not; to view themselves as having HBS or not; to just be. Anything else would advocate that they should suffer in life and that goes against my desire to stop suffering as per my buddhist leanings. Maybe I do not fully understand all that they have experienced when they got to this point and something in their life has given them reason to hate (and, yes, I will use the word hate since that is what it’s like reading sometimes) those that do not adhere to HBS.

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.—Unknown

I can somewhat understand the cis-gendered butch’s hatred towards an FtM but there is a mythos that all FtMs were former butches and this is incorrect. This is akin to the idea that all MtFs were drag queens and flambouyant gay men. And while some go towards what society defines as male or female there are many that do not. None of these are incorrect thoughts. They are just different than what society expects, whether mainstream or within the LGBTQ society.  I do, however, have a hard time understanding the issues that are between the HBS and the overall trans community. I know that some of it is that for many HBS they do not see themselves as trans, if I understand what I’ve read about it correctly, and rather see themselves as per their gender but with a birth defect. And that’s fine.

I’m not advocating a “Kumbya” moment here but rather a respect of differences since each of us cannot walk along another’s path and remember that not all of us will fit or would want to fit Hollywood’s definition of “woman” or “man”. As a whole we need to avoid falling into the trap of judging by the cover of the individual. One would think that the recent sensation of Susan Boyle had, at the least, taught us that, no?

Poll Results: Stay in the LGBTQ but..

Posted on by Posted in LGBTQ, Polls, trans activism, transgender, transition .

March’s poll results were interesting. 85% of you said that T should remain part of the GLBTQ family. This was what I had expected. It is a double-edge sword for most trans individuals. We need to be recognized and a few of us (not all) originally come from or end up going to a same-sex relationship. Much of the trans-movement came out of the the LGBTQ and vice-versa. Whether this will continue in the long term is hard to say. Days like International Transgender Day of Visibility are showing more and more that trans folk want to be heard and not ride on the “coat tails” of the LGB movement but rather stand on our own. I still believe that we benefit more, at this point, by being part of the larger voice but it’s frustrating when that voice demonizes us as well.

Certainly there is a distinction between sexual orientation and gender orientation but there is so much cross-over of the two that they really can’t be fully separated. It doesn’t mean that one should have preference over the other as far as rights are concerned. In reality, it should be about everyone’s right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, whatever that may be. For most people, this is actually what happens. The problem is that the media and society only portray the worst of us rather than balancing things out (contrary to what Fox News claims, they are not the most balanced news out there). Learning to be open to all sides makes a difference, in my opinion, as to how wonderful life can be.

I was talking with a friend recently and we both commented on how people we expected would be more open are less so and vice-versa. It has been an interesting eye-opener for me. I’ve been taught, so to speak, from various “trans family” members that the whole of society is out to get us and doesn’t want us (for whatever reason). Part of this is why people go stealth (there are other reasons including — but not limited to — final transition to “true gender”). But it did make me wonder if perhaps I was being taught FUD (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt) about cis-individuals when there really wasn’t an issue (I will state forthright that I am white and I suspect that some of this may be white privilege — I know from discussions with some POC trans individuals that their experience is different; it’s hard for me to speak to that experience as I haven’t experienced it and I dearly hope that they never have nor have to either experience it).

“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.” — Kurt Cobain

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a real risk out there. And nor does it mean that there isn’t, for the most part, an acceptance as to who you are even if you are trans. I come to the following conclusions (your opinion may vary from mine):

  1. we’ve come a long way in the last 40 years. Because of trans activists who put their lives on the line (literally) society is a little more “accepting” of trans individuals
  2. non-POC trans individuals and trans individuals with privilege get more acceptance than POC and/or non-privileged trans individuals
  3. “society” (generalist statement) sees the word “transsexual” and the following words come to mind: MTF, transvestite, pervert, pedophile, rapist, sissy (human being and/or person is never included)
  4. violence and discrimination against trans individuals still occurs but seems to occur more often due to class/race (doesn’t make it right; just means it’s the same shit being tossed at an “easier” target)
  5. there’s still a lot of work to be done

So to that end, I was pondering how to word April’s poll. I figured it might be best to split this in half. For April I want to ask how many trans individuals have actually faced direct discrimination (or indirect if you found out afterwards that the discrimination was due to being trans)?