Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: hate crime

I lurve my company and am annoyed by Ontario Gov’t..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

Or at least my manager. A few months ago, while running between flights and having to lug my laptop out for security checks, it dropped and caused some damage to the case. It was enough that it required a repair. Long story short, the expenses finally got approved because my manager believes in her staff that work for her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s not enough to work for a great company; it’s the people that truly make the difference. Every day that I’m at my company I’m in awe of the knowledge and kindness that I get from colleagues and my manager.  Her actions reminded me how much I love working for my company, not just because the I love our products and believe in them so much but because the people are so awesome and humble. I told her I owed her a dinner for this but she said that she owed me one for all the times I’ve been flexible when they needed someone to fill in at the last minute. It capped a day that had been somewhat depressing but was ending on a good note.

On Thursday, while in Baltimore, I went to the local cigar store to unwind and won a hat as part of an event they had on. While relaxing, I connected my iPod Touch to the wireless and found out that the Matthew Shepard bill got approved by the Senate (I know that some may not approve or understand but as a trans individual, it adds a little more protection for someone like me). I think it shows more and more that what’s in the government, albeit slow as most large governmental organizations are, are good people and try to help where they can. It gives a little bit more of hope to me that ENDA might yet pass in the full form rather than a water downed version as was previously thought.

When I finally got back to NYC, I noticed a large envelope from Ontario. I was hopeful that it was my newly modified birth certificate. Apparently something isn’t right with the forms and the provided documentation. So before I go fully ballistic, I tried calling them (this morning, in fact). Unfortunately, their computers were down so I’ll try again tomorrow.

Southern Comfort Documentary (2001)

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition .

I’ve been absent from my support group of late. A lot of it is because of work. The reality is that there is only so much time in a day and teaching, often, in the CST timezone means that I often don’t finish until 6pm EDT. Sometimes I’m on the road.  Since it takes an hour to get to group it means I often miss out on attending. It’s hard at times since the group is often the closest thing to an extended, closer-to-touch family. I do miss it. One of the things I’ve wanted is a large family to be around. I’ve known a large part of my life alone. Having that option where I could invite friends over, have a beer and a cigar, yap, laugh, etc. is something I’ve wanted. Having siblings of some sort, with some kind of shared experience of life, is the other thing I’ve wanted.

Today, as I avoided doing some work, I watched Southern Comfort (2001). It was a wonderful DVD in that it showed the great family connection that Robert Eads and his “sons” made but heartbreaking and maddeningly baffling that the health care system so blatantly ignored the basic raison d’etre for health care: to look after those that need medical help. I have to say that I’m incredibly luckier than most at the support that I’ve gotten from the medical profession here in NYC. As much as I want to move to small town, parts of me worry about the exact issue that Mr. Eads experienced during his lifetime. To die of a curable cancer because no one would treat you is just wrong. My post this morning was about universal health care and whether it could exist here. I have doubts since patient’s rights are not something that seem to be considered.

To keep the good of the patient as the highest priority. — Modern Hippocratic Oath #7

Since so many doctors are taught to put the value of medicine before the needs of the patient, even if universal health care came to be many patients will be ignored because they do not fit into the societal definition of male or woman. I’m not sure how denying someone medical help because they are trans is ensuring that the “good of the patient” is being kept as a priority compared to one’s own fears, prejudices and ignorance. And before someone says that it was perhaps the medical profession was unable to do it, when they called they referenced the trans portion at the end. Until those words were mentioned, the medical professions were eager to help. As to the reasoning as to why they refused to help isn’t clear. It could be anything from fear to ignorance to just place hatred?

I’m sure a lot has changed since this video was made, especially since the Southern Comfort Conference is held in Georgia. But I’m sure there are still areas and medical centers that still discriminate against trans individuals. I wonder how much this is changing with the more visible younger trans guys that are more evident these days? Hopefully, the economy isn’t used as an excuse to prevent an individual from getting support these days. One can only hope that one day health care will be about providing patients with the best possible care, regardless of who the patient is.

A history of the same-sex marriage in the US

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, Politics .

I had a lunch with a friend over the weekend who explained to me a bit more about the US Constitution and how it’s supposed to protect minority groups from being oppressed by the larger majority. It’s interesting to note that this is actually what is going on in the US and no one has taken it to the federal court to challenge the bans on that exact basis:

Transparency: A History of Gay Marriage Bans

Transparency: A History of Gay Marriage Bans

Quick personal post: Buddhism and Trans Hate

Posted on by Posted in Buddhism, Gratitude, Life, transgender, transition .

I had submitted a question to Brian at Daily Buddhism about how to address hatred spewed at trans individuals. Although outside of Brian’s experience I believe he addressed it well as did the many respondents. The more I think about it, the more I believe that being open about myself and my path lessens the possibility of directed hate. Will it get rid of all hatred? No. That exists as long as people see things they don’t understand, cannot explain and don’t want to learn about (closed mind). But perhaps it will lessen for some. We live in times where people actually are far more open. I’m thankful to those that came before and suffered much in their path. And I’m hopeful that those that come after will be able to find their way — whatever path it may be — with little suffering and fear.

Hatred: Sometimes it is just blatant.

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ .

I got this via twitter and it seems rather relevant given this month’s poll. It is horrifying and revolting to see this kind of blatant discrimination, hatred and rudeness to be exhibited by people who should know better (aka ADULTS). I mean, come on. Since when did “take the head off the big motha fuckin faggot” mean professionalism? Even if you are working in an hourly position doesn’t mean that you should be rude to a person because they are different. It’s really not your place or anyone else’s to comment on that in the business world.

When you read this stuff it makes me wonder what kind of professionals are out there? Or are there any? I do know that I’ve been fairly lucky thus far to not have to deal with this but NO ONE should ever have to face this kind of discrimination and rudeness. Heck, let’s forget about even work professionalism; how about average, everyday common courtesy to treat people we don’t know with respect and politeness? Is it too much to ask??

Sigh.

I’ll update on this as more info comes. But do spread this. As a group that has long been in the back of others it is time for us to stand up united and face this head on as a group of our own.

Random Transition thoughts

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work .

I’ve noticed more and more, as I get further into my transition, that my body dysphoria is increasing. As a kid, I was never fond of my breasts and never had a strong attachment to them (albeit they are rather attached to me). But I can remember not wanting them, largely due to back pain and just general disassociation with them. I took more pride and desire to magnify biceps, neck and thigh muscles (muscular look, not feminine). Those feelings have always been there for as long as I remember (although I didn’t know why nor did I want to question why). That all said, I have to admit being surprised as to how much more that disassociation would grow now that I’ve been on T nearly 8 months now. Some might say that if I had only the right kind of body image support at a younger age my present path wouldn’t have happened.

Maybe.

But I doubt it. I had lots of body image support. My family was always supportive of the person I am and always made me feel comfortable about the person I was. I just could never be comfortable. I was always awkward about who I was and never quite seemed to get it. I suppose it was that feeling of not belonging to society as a whole. I couldn’t understand how people were ok with themselves and how they dealt with this disconnection. Today, I finally understand what the connection to one’s body feels like and what I need to do to feel complete.

This doesn’t come without doubts. Certainly I wonder whether this is the path for me. That’s normal. I do think that not having doubts can be detrimental because it just assumes everything will be solved by whatever drug. That isn’t the final answer but may be part of the answer. For me, thus far, it has been. I also suspect that surgery may be part of my path (at least top and hysto). The top surgery would be more than my trans desires; simple pain relief is a big factor there as is breast cancer prevention (there are some studies that indicate that testosterone in a genetic female body can contribute to causing breast cancer).

And yet, I still ask: am I making the right choice? I pass more. I feel more comfortable with myself and who I am. I’m more confident about the person I am, even in public. Part of me wonders “why me?”. Why couldn’t I have been happy with the way I am? I don’t think it’s wholly nature or wholly nurture but rather a mix of the two. Certainly gender is partially socially constructed (i.e., society determines what the accepted gender of an individual is) but it is also personally constructed (i.e., how we perceive and present ourselves to everyone else).

To me, to transition, means that I get to sync up what the personal view is with what the societal acceptance is. Granted, there are times when I may face some challenges but I have found that it’s less likely to happen for an FTM than compared to an MTF. I suspect some of this (actually, most of this) is tied into misogynistic views and male privilege thought (i.e., an MTF is giving up privilege, thus weak and thus challenging the existing system & potentially becoming a threat).  I also have noticed more challenges to those that choose to be stealth, are discovered to be trans/non-cis-gendered and thus, become the target of rage because of a feeling of being lied to, deceived, etc. To me, a cis-gendered person won’t be able to understand the whys of something, especially if it’s hidden from them. It could be a sense of privilege being stripped from them (i.e., they feel that they thought they knew what gender a person was and that thought was comforting).

Perhaps since I’m still at that grey area of life/transition where I’ve got one foot in the old door and one foot in the new that I don’t face as much of a challenge. In fact, one of the things I’m finding as I spend more and more time in the new is this lack of challenging who I am. I haven’t shaved my goatee/beard and no one has issue with it. Much like some others I know, I rarely seem to face overt discrimination or challenge. I’m not sure why. This certainly doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. I know it does. I suppose I should be thankful that I haven’t had to face it or, perhaps, not having to face it overtly.

Quick morning rant: trans != predator

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ .

Ok. Quick rant for the morning. Seriously. Whatever happened to reporting the news and not injecting one’s opinion about things?? It’s akin to telling people how to think rather than letting people figure this stuff out on their own (basically, the news media seems to believe we’re all morons). I recently came across this tidbit about Gainesville washroom issue. At issue is whether trans individuals should be allowed to use the washroom of their true gender and not be forced to use the one of their “birth” gender. The Independent Florida Alligator (perhaps a local paper?) said this about the issue.

Gainesville voters will soon decide whether to amend the city’s discrimination policy amid controversy.

The city election will be held on March 24, and the ballot will include a proposal, Amendment 1, to remove local anti–discrimination protections. Instead state–level protections would apply.

For Amendment 1 supporters, the vote will decide if male sexual predators will continue to have legally protected access to public areas designated as women only, like bathrooms.

For those who oppose the amendment, the future of civil rights in Gainesville is at stake, in particular the rights of transgender, lesbian, gay and bisexual people.

Now, I’ve bolded the line in question. It’s comments like this that people use to associate transwomen with “predator”, “pedophile”, etc. A predator doesn’t need the guise of a different gender to do what they want. In fact, they rarely do so. I suspect this may be the real reason we see it happen more often. (supposition on my part — bad, Linus, bad). What will happen, if this is passed, is that many will lose their protections under the law in Gainesville. Apparently, for “Citizens for Good Public Policy”, the organization behind this, that’s acceptable “collateral damage” (read: LGBQ will also lose protections as a result of this).

I wonder how this Amendment would fare if a cis-gender woman who has very strong masculine features or an intersex person is caught under this (not for anything illegal but the presumption of illegalities)? Collateral damages, eh? New York has a law that allows a person to go into the washroom of their chosen gender without issue. There hasn’t been a rash of attacks against women or anything like that.

This is just FUDing (propogating fear, uncertainty and doubt) at its worst.

An Open Letter to Dr. Phil over the Show “Little Boy Lost”

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, trans activism, transition .

Dr. Phil,

I have to admit that I rarely, if ever, watch your show. Most shows like yours, and Jerry Springer, often perpetuate the most base and uneducated view of society. It is unfortunate that given how many people you reach that you do so with an intent to harm. Your recent show on the transgendered parent and her daughter who transitioned from male-to-female is an unfortunate but shining example of this. The show, entitled Little Boy Lost, suggests that parents should “guide” their kids to society’s assigned gender and that it’s is curable, much like being gay is (apparently). It also, rather subtly, suggests that being transgendered is some kind of horrible, freak show. The parent in this show was treated with disrespect and wasn’t given proper advice on how to move forward. Much like the child figuring out that they need to let go of the past, so does the parent. I see no references to support structures or groups that could help this woman grieve for the past and celebrate the present. I thought you were about helping people find a path that can truly help them, by being honest with themselves and moving forward. For this family, it would mean getting support for the family to understand what transgender/transsexualism is, that there is nothing wrong with it and how to move forward with it.

But no, you would prefer to have present to the world these thoughts (emphasis mine):

“How did you make the decision to support him transitioning from male to female versus saying, ‘No, this is wrong, it’s an aberration, it’s a disorder, and he needs therapy’?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Because I knew that that wasn’t the right answer,” she says. “I knew all along something was different about him. He didn’t give me a choice. He didn’t really say, ‘Can I do this?’ He just said, ‘This is what I have to do to live.’”

Dr. Phil points out that Toni has two other sons who are not gender confused, which is at odds with Glenn and Dr. Nicolosi’s theory that gender confusion could be caused by an over-involved mother.

I would point out, Dr. Phil, that her new daughter is not “gender confused” either. She is very aware of who she is and what she needs to do to be seen as that by society’s blindness. It strikes me that society seems rather confused as to who she is and refuses to understand what she is going through. Additionally, the thought that the mother was over-involved is a tried and true excuse. It was previously used to describe effeminate heterosexual men as well as homosexuals. This theory has been discounted as a reason for homosexuality and much of the research going on today addresses a variety of “causes”. But that said, neither transgenderism nor homosexuality are “diseases”; they are, however, the evolution of individuals into something more than what the “average” cis-gendered person is.

“I just want to see your results,” Toni says to Dr. Nicolosi, defensively. “Where are your 16-year-olds now?”

“This is not just your position with transgendered children, you also believe the same thing in terms of gay and lesbian as well,” Dr. Phil says to Dr. Nicolosi, noting that he has written a book titled A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. “You deal with that in your practice, correct?”

Kudos to the mother, Toni, for asking for “results”. Better yet, rather than going and promoting these two “quacks”, why not show the success stories of people who have transitioned and live their lives fully and successfully. Show fathers and mothers, like Toni, that it doesn’t have to be all sad and a matter of grieving but rather a life that can be enjoyed and lived fully. Preventing it, as these two suggest, opens up a greater chance of suicide (particularly those that are pre-op, pre-hormone and denied the right to be their true self) as well as a greater chance of a life lead in misery, confusion and shame.

Contrary to what some suggest, there is no shame in being yourself. We’re told this every day, even from the likes of Sesame Street. We’re told that it’s ok to accept others who are different from each other and then the likes of you promotes the fear, uncertainty and doubt (FUD) about trans individuals rather than celebrating the people they become. Do we always have to be bombarded by a negative view of life? Can we not be bombarded with success, happiness and fulfillment via paths not like what the average person experience?

Is it really that difficult?

Regards,

Linus, who’s happy with life now.

TransWoman murdered but no one cares

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, transgender .

Rah. Rah. Rah.

Fight Prop 8.

Rah. rah.

Yanno. I just can’t get into it. I’ve been trying to figure out why and what is it about it that turns me off. Maybe it’s my own dislike of marriage as solely a financial contract or that it’s viewed as only between two people. What if there was someone that K and I both loved and wanted to marry? It isn’t going to be allowed. In fact, I don’t know of anywhere where multi-partnered marriage is allowed. That’s not the point. And, in fact, that’s not the issue. It’s great that there are so many voices clamoring over this injustice of not being allowed to say vows. It really is.

But.. I get this feeling that only mainstream issue that affect the LGB are examined and that anyone else is ignored. There’s so much hype done about same-sex marriage but everyone ignores the fact that a transwoman, who was seeking justice, got murdered. Why wasn’t there an outcry by the community over her? Is it because she’s not cisgendered and a POC that she doesn’t deserve attention? All those couples who wanted to get married are still there. They get to walk on, march on and chant. There is a swell of idealism.

Or maybe it’s because she was “troubled”? Because she didn’t fit the ideal of a “person” that she doesn’t matter? She wasn’t white? She doesn’t get to chant, walk or march on. She gets added to the wall of Transgender Day of Remembrance.  And then forgotten for a year. She doesn’t matter. She was just a trans POC. She was a nobody as far as the LGB are concerned.

Oh, wait, right. I’ve forgotten. It’s all about the privilege white LGB. They are the only ones who matter apparently because they have been so “wronged” in the past. Their lives face so much hardship and uncertainty because they have their homes with their jobs and they have the right to go forth to be heard. The LGB have protections in law to ensure they are not discriminated against. They can easily fight and get support for what they fight. Duanna had no one but herself. And she stood up and said no more. She took a chance. And it cost her the very life she stood up for.

She matters.

Make her matter as much as the privilege of marriage matters.

I cannot speak for trans POC. I cannot imagine the fight that has to be done to right the injustices of the past. I was born with privilege and will be afforded even more privilege when my medical transition is done. I will be granted the ultimate of privileges, that of a perceived white man. For all my wants to be viewed as me, it is one thing I do not want. But I know I will get it. And it seems so unfair when I hear from trans POC around me and what they face. But I will say that she deserves far more respect than what the LGBT community is giving her. Right now, she’s being ignored in favour of privilege of a few. And to me, that’s just wrong.

I know that many won’t care and no matter how much I rant (although I’m having difficulty today articulating it well) and rage it won’t make a difference. But perhaps we need to focus on the lives being lost by those trying to be themselves. Everyone matters, not just the privileged white.

The Tennesee Transgender Political Association is looking for donations to help cover her funeral costs. Even if it’s only $5 please make a donation. And speak out. Do not let her murder go unnoticed in this world. Please.

Rah.

Note: Kudos to Jack for putting together a more eloquant piece than me on this.

Transition: the fear of hatred and discrimination

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, transgender .

One of the things I’ve been thinking a lot of lately is when to flip that proverbial switch. I still, unfortunately, still don’t pass as I’d like. Granted, it’ll still take time before I full do but it’s still frustrating. Moreso, is the fear that is starting to build for me about others. It’s not a question of caring about what they think but rather what their actions will do in regards to my own life (and the safety of myself and those around me) as well as my career and other things. It’s very scary to read stories like the teacher out in California and the responses to that story (see the comments to the below of the article here). I see comments like this:

What is wrong with people!!?!?! Thats so sick, gah, makes me sick to my stomach! Those people should never teach! Im not going to get into this with you all, but the teacher should be stopped from teaching..this isnt south park (Mr.hat), these are real kids. And my kid would be transfered out of that class SO freaking quick and i would do my best to get them fired. Im surprised this took place in cali though… Kudos to the parents who are thinking for their kids saftey! Dont people see how this could harm children???

AND

This teacher was a freak of nature and should be removed. Have you ever seen a wolf chew his nu%s off because “he” wanted to be a “she?” Even dumb animals won’t cross that line.

Why shouldn’t he teach? His ability hasn’t changed, just his gender. And given that this is an opportunity to learn, one would think it’s worthwhile to take this opportunity. The whole idea of being a freak of nature just highlights what some parts of society think of us (referring to transgender/transsexual/gendervariant individuals). Ya, I probably shouldn’t read these comments but the reality is I will face those that are very set in their views. For the most part, I know I will be ok but there is that nagging fear of “what if”.

Once I reach a point where no one knows, it won’t matter but I do worry about that point of transition when people do notice, where I haven’t fully transition or they knew me before. HIPPA won’t protect me from everything (laws are great but society takes far longer to update than laws on books). It is frustrating, however, that someone would think I would harm a child or that I’m a freak because I change my gender. The mass media and various religious leaders are who I get to thank for that, unfortunately. Simple kindness and respect for others seems beneath people at times and that’s a frustrating thing. I do not understand why it has to be their issue or why it should bother them at all. As long as I pull my own weight in society, do my job, respect and love my partner, obey the laws and “do unto others as I would have them do unto me”, why should I be seen as the villian?

A lot of this is being exacerbated by the US elections and certainly opinions are running high. People don’t want change, they don’t want to face it. They seem cemented in old traditional standards and refuse the possibility that perhaps people do change their gender; that perhaps it may even be the will of God. And, at the very least, it’s the will of God that we respect each other, but yet seem unable to do so. We’re more content at having something to hate, demonize and fear. We’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without those; what it’s like to leave with respect, admiration and understanding of a neighbour — without regard for the physical attributes.

And, to be honest, I have to say that the biggest political candidates are the Republicans. The idea of using FUD to continue keeping people in line with their beliefs and never questioning them is a tactic that perhaps is finally being seen what it is: fear-mongering. It’s working to a degree. I do fear for my life, a first for me. It’s very possible that one day I may be beaten up or worse for choosing this path. I may finally face full discrimination and hatred for being myself rather than what others want me to be (individuality be damned, eh?). But I’m not going to let that stop me. I will continue this. I spent a lifetime miserable and am finally happy (although could be happier if I won the lottery).

Anyways, I bring this all up because I’m looking at options to do top surgery and I suspect that will make passing and the transitioning go easier. But this will still be a challenge. I want to be open but society may push me to be stealth. 🙁