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Cake recipe, plans, dreams and 40th (good grief!)

Posted on November 12, 2009 by Linus Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, recipes, vegan stuff .

 funny-pictures-cat-is-canadianI doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.

And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.

And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.

Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.

I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.

More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.

And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.

1 Comment .
Tags: Daily life, dreams, Life, love, vegan .

Through a glass darkly…

Posted on August 2, 2009 by Linus Posted in Life, Politics .

I look out the window to the darkest of skies. The thunderstorm is coming soon. But it’s not the rain, lightening or thunder that worry. Even the potential hint of a tornado isn’t of concern. It’s what’s in front of the storm. The bleakness shone through the blackened windows. The gray lifeless walls held memories of a life once lived. It was one of many little hovels grouped together in an attempt to create a complex of exist. Life tried to poke its way through as kids ran down the carless street, unaware of the vast poverty and dismay of the area. Dreams that might have once lived have faded and been burned away like the charred wall paper that juts out of one exposed wall. The only two kids on the street. For them, it is their playground: an old rusted can becomes a ball, a rebar becomes a bat and an old klunker home base.

Rounding first (a broken Coke bottle), I see him race for second base while his opponent chases after the can. I return back to my USA Today. I see an ad extol about the “horrors” of socialism, the threat of “socialized” health care and how a private health care system is the only valid one for the US. The US’s poverty rate is around 12% (higher than the 10% claimed by the ad), Canada around 6% and Cuba is an unknown although I’d peg it around 90%. What’s interesting is that the HDI (Human Development Index — the index that indicates things like life expectancy, literacy, education and standards of living) lists Cuba at 48 on the HIGH category (Canada is 3 while the US is 15).

Right now the US is debating (yet again) what to do about health care. on one side, people believe that pay-per keeps costs down and wiser use of health care. On the other is universal health care where it’s available for all, regardless of whether someone is employed or not. Anyone gets health care coverage and it should limit the possibility of going into debt over health care. But there is one thing that isn’t being considered and is really needed. The reality is that health care is about people. One of the challenges in the US is that it overemphasizes monetary profit, whether for hospitals, staff, benefits programs, etc. It’s not to say that profit isn’t a consideration in places like Canada (Canadian doctors can make the same or slightly below what is made in the US) but there are less extras to address (like malpractice insurance, etc.). I don’t know if the US will ever be able to have a health care that will be effect at helping it’s populace, particularly those in most need, be able to get help — both reactive and proactive/preventative.

The Acela train I’m on continues its fast race to New York. The bleak looking ghetto is on the outskirts of Philadelphia. It reminded me of Mexico City except there it was colourful. Here, its grey, burned and discarded from the rest of society. It is often how the wealthier parts of the country view those without: they are drab, lifeless “things” to discard. Giving those without hope a chance for it can help reduce poverty and give dreams to those who need it.

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Tags: America, Canada, community, dreams, health care, Politics, US Politics .

Reflections after vacation

Posted on July 31, 2009 by Linus Posted in Life .

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” — James Dean (1931-1955)

Self Portrait, July 2009

Self Portrait, July 2009

Sometimes, when we go on vacation, we get to see how we could live. Through the eyes of friends and family we become part of their lives and how they live. As much as I enjoy large cities for all the variety, I’m finding more and more that the call to smaller cities or towns has an appeal. Being an unknown in a large city is ok but being part of something more personal, often something that can be achieved on the smaller scale is something that I do think society needs to move back towards. During my stay in Halifax last week for my aunt’s wedding, I finished U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life? It was interesting to read as it highlights what, I suspect, many late bloom trans individuals go through. One of the things that Bruce Griersen identified is that what appears as a U-turn may, in fact, not be a u-turn but rather the actualization of an existing point of view.

The thing that changes it from what exists in dreams to reality can be anything from the smallest incident to a major stressor (often, major stress factors are identified as catalysts to moving forward with dreams). I think for me I’ve always wanted to live a simplier life, one without TV (or limited TV), more interaction with others, simplier life habits and living closer off the land. I’m not foolish enough to think that it’ll be the ultimate solution to life’s challenges but I found I’m more relaxed and more centered with life. We spent nearly a week in Halifax and more specifically, in Jollymore/Purcell’s Cove where my aunt and now-uncle live. I would need a driver’s license (I’m finding more and more I do need one now so perhaps it’s time to get one) but I could live with that if it gives our family a better sense of family, connection, etc.

One of the things I like is that you and your neighbours have to get to know each other, partially for survival and partially because of being courteous, particularly in Canada. Part of me would love to be in Nova Scotia but even moving to the coast of B.C. (say, near Vancouver since I need to be somewhat near an airport) would be great. B.C., in particular, would be nice given their support of GRS as part of their health program. I sorta wish there was some kind of support for health care for Canadians who live just over the border or something (I understand the why nots and such — makes sense). If we had to stay in the US, Washington State or Oregon would good alternative areas. As much as California appeals to me, the reality is that it’s too expensive to buy a house in unless my salary doubles overnight or something. Although, as I write this, I did a quick search and it seems that the average for housing in many areas are too high (most areas seem to be around the $400K and higher range along the west coast although Oregon was cheaper as it was in the $300K range).

For now it’s a dream but we will, at some point, find an area to settle down in and make those dreams reality. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy life as is and continue with the flow. Thus far, it’s been pretty good. I’ll probably have some more thoughts to add once I’m back home. I actually on the road this week and it’ll be nice to finally be back. I’m sure Bobcat will be thrilled to have one of us home for a bit.

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Tags: dreams, Life .

Family is still family no matter how it’s defined.

Posted on June 2, 2009 by Linus Posted in Life, transgender, transition .

Well, life will be slowing down a little this summer (or at least for a month or so) for me as far as work is concerned. I have to get prepared for new courses and I may be lead instructor on one or two courses (*insert Snoopy dance here hoping it will happen*). I’m still working out with HR what the email out to my colleagues should be. And while it’s been fun to be bachelor for the last couple of weeks, I’m really looking forward to having K back this week. It’s been awfully quiet and lonely without her. She is definitely my everything. While I sometimes let work get me to busy, there are times when I get lost looking into her eyes.

And it’s interesting. If someone had told me years ago that this was my path and I would be so happy, I wouldn’t have believed them. Granted, lately, I’ve let myself get into a rut of not doing a lot (creatively I’ve been drained of late which is why I’m not posting as much) but I know that’s cyclical and I’ll probably end up in a creative streak later. I still have to work on my bio-novel from last year. Plus start a new blog. Tomorrow I’m going to go to start the actual legal process of changing my name. I’ve been living with both names for a while now. It’s one of the things I still have yet to officially address.

The only other thing would be the official gender. After some research, I realized I can do it but would have to have at least one surgery done. This means for a long time I will be open to what society forces on me to reveal about myself. Things like travel mean that I have to let others know about how I was born and that who I am in relation to that is different. Some parts of society chooses to ignore this but there are larger segments that do not and can be violent about it. I won’t lie. It does worry me insofar as my life in general but more in regards to what the future holds. K and I have talked about kids in the future. I dream of the day when I’m there for my kids; playing, teaching, laughing, crying. But I do worry about how society might interfere with our lives. Some places don’t allow for same-sex adoptive parents (technically, I would fall under that). Thankfully, California and Canada both do that so if K and I lived in either I could legally be “daddy”. But what of the other states? Why do I have to fit into the single notion of what family is and what a guy is?

I earn an honest living;  I support my family and will support it when we have kids; I pay my taxes; obey the law; I’m part of my community (when in town and when I can). I cannot imagine what others go through to feel so much hate against others that they deny basic rights to those that don’t fit into their picture of what a person is or what a family should look like. Why can I not just able to enjoy life like anyone else? I will say that I am grateful for the life I do have and tonight will think of those whose families aren’t together at all.

Namaste.

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Tags: dreams, LGBTQ, Life, transgender, USA, visa .

Frugalness leads to wonderful dreams

Posted on April 6, 2009 by Linus Posted in Finances, Life .

It’s amazing how one little step can make a whole difference. Even though I started my re-birth “frugalness” (born-again Frugal? sounds like a very faithful donut!) and determination to pay off my debts, I’m finding a change in my attitude towards things. I ask myself 3-4 or more times before I buy something and have been diligent about things I’m buying. I still make mistakes and minor fall-downs but I think it’s a lot less than in the past. I’ve even gone as far as to start a meager emergency fund (EF) that, if I’m good about, should cover 3 months of salary. Eventually, I want to get it to the point that it will cover a full year.

Yes, dreams for now but often if we don’t have those dreams we can’t imagine what the future will look like. I don’t want a mansion; I want a home, simple with a little yard for kids, kidlets (aka furrkids) and a little garden (being vegan we eat lots of veggies). I don’t need 3+ cars (heck, I don’t even have a driver’s license yet); 1 car, used, to start with would be good. And perhaps a 2nd car when the family grows big enough to justify it.

K and I have been talking about potentially moving to L.A. so she can be closer to her family. She has closer ties to hers than I do to mine although I do like to see mine once in a year or so. She prefers to see hers every 3-4 months. I have to admit to wanting to move out west, if just for the weather. As I get older I find I like the cold less and less. Part of that may be from the enjoyment I found on my bicycle. And certainly L.A. would be more enjoyable for that (not that NYC is horrible but I find it less inviting to cycle for some reason).

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. — James Allen

I do have to admit feeling very happy about things. I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. I went here to calculate the “snowball” effect of paying off debts (one thing that’s missing is the ability to move payments from paid off cards/debts to remaining ones, which would in turn, snowball it faster). I always pay more than what’s the minimum and as I pay off debts will pay even more off, thus reducing interest paid and the time to pay off. I’ll also shuffle some small parts over to EF deposits to get that to grow faster. I still have other things to deal with but getting that out of the way is first priority. Stopping or severely reducing spending (e.g., buying the bare minimum of what’s needed) helps a lot to move this forward.

As scary as this year looks in regards to the recession I have hope for the year and the years to come. Dreams are not that far away as I thought.

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Tags: dreams, Finances, frugal, Gratitude, Life .

I mean, honestly!

Posted on January 16, 2009 by Linus Posted in Daily life .
An Honest landmark

An Honest landmark

Ah.. Honest Ed’s. It’s a Toronto landmark, yanno? Most Torontonians at some point or another has bought something or giggle at the many things that Honest Eds sold. While the man himself passed away, his legacy lives on. He was very honest as to who he was and what he sold. And that is sometimes a hard thing to find these days. Apparently a friend of mine, Dolphyngyrl, thinks I need to be MORE honest than I am. She says that I cannot list 10 interesting things but honest things about myself and then find 7 other friends to do the same.

HA!

In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny: “You realize, dis means WAR!”

So, honestly, here are my 10:

1. I LOVE cartoons. If I could, I’d get every uncensored Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoon out there. It would have to have my favourites the Roadrunner/Coyote “Sugar and Spies” cartoon and the Bugs “Barber of Venice”.

 1967-gt-500-shelby-mustang-2

1967 Ford GT 500 Shelby Mustang

2. I used to be an avid long distance bicycle soloist tourer (a mouthful!). In 2005, my speedometer clocked a total of over 9,200km (something over 5,700 miles or so), which took me through various parts of Ontario and lots of the GTA (Greater Toronto Area). I miss it something fierce. I still have a dream to bike across Canada in memory of my mom.

3. Although I’m rather gentle and believe in following both a buddhist and vegan path, I have an inner “biker” in me. I want a Harley or an OCC custom hog and want to ride it around the continent when retired.

4. I do not have a driver’s license. I have attempted to get it on a couple of occassions but after my last try I’ve held off. I actually drove my father’s ex’s car through the garage, out the back bringing down some of the cement blocks on the car. Not a fun experience. It’s a shame since I’d love to get and rebuild a Ford 1967 Mustang. I think it’d actually be pretty good at it and do like the idea of a car that isn’t driven by a computer but by the owner.

5. I want to be an author of fiction and non-fiction books. I attempted to do a mini-bio/memoire as part of the NaNoWriMo contest but only got about 35,000 words before November 2008 ended. I still have to revise it some and perhaps I could actually finish it. But I have doubts as to how interesting it’d be.

6. I’m afraid of spiders. Like, really afraid of spiders. And snakes. And other crawly things.

7. I love scary movies that include crawly things.

8. I was once a conservative and heavily involved in politics. I actually was President of the Eastern Ontario PC Youth (defunct) and was involved in a variety of campaigns in Ottawa. I don’t remember much other than great keggers on the Hill. I once got so drunk (drinking from 10am until, I think, 2am) on one Canada Day that I don’t remember what happened and alcohol was pouring out of my skin.

Apparently, however, I had or was a great time since someone — who I swear I had never met before — told me how much fun I was. (!!!!!)

9. My very first crush was Vicky Stubbing (Jill Whalen) on The Love Boat. My second was Kelly (Jackylin Smith) on Charlie’s Angels followed by a tie between Tootie (Kim Fields) and Natalie (Mindy Cohn) from The Facts of Life. I never had any boy crushes but wanted to be either Sean Connery’s version of James Bond or Jo from The Facts of Life.

Hrmm…

There’s a pattern there, I know it!

10. My first “love” kiss never happened until I was 37. Kissing K the first time in January 2007 is the first time my whole body shook and I felt an electricity kissing someone. She was the first where I understood what it meant to have Chemistry. And she’s the first I ever utter the M word to. Being a late bloomer has it’s advantages.

Whew!

Who knew, eh, that I had so much more to tell.

Ok. So now I will pick 7 people to play along with this.

My first is Arwen, my “big sister”. I learned the importance of an extended family and Arwen is definitely someone who fits that bill. She’s always been there, in the time we’ve gotten to know each other, for when I needed help and advice. Plus, she’s pretty awesome at doing Tarot readings. Thus far, they’ve been 100% accurate.

Veronique has become a new online friend that I met through twitter. I’ve been blessed by finding commonality and a kind soul to talk to.

Through twitter I met a few others including Shauna, who’s shown me what the world is like for someone who is intersexed. To fully understand this means coming to terms to gender in a different but straightforward way.

Over across the big pond and a few landmasses, I began to read what life is like elsewhere. Being in the US now, I do find that things get kinda US-centric and I wanted to learn about what it’s like to face a transition elsewhere. Emily has been one person that has remained open and offered great insight into that.

Again through twitter, I met another woman who showed me that yes, there is viberant life in Kansas (who knew?). Dana‘s lively insights into her world have been an inspiration for me.

I sometimes miss teaching (not the marking part, the edu-ma-kating part) at the college level. My students were always amazing and I did make friends with a few. Matt actually took a couple of my courses and has done me great pride by doing well in the IT world. He’s done me even more by respecting my transition. I consider myself lucky to call him friend.

And lastly but not least, Wryly (aka Rez-boi). Wryly was one of the first friends I ever made in the Toronto area and felt an immediate kinship with. She’s been a great friend to hang with and always had a moment, even in the most trying of times. Plus she’d listen to me whine non-stop about the same thing over and over and over and over.. and give me honest feedback (football helmet, eh? ROFL!)

4 Comments .
Tags: dreams, friends, fun, Life .

“Stuff”

Posted on December 30, 2008 by Linus Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, transgender .

 me-dec29Today was a long teaching day but it was good to be back on the swing of things. I think it went ok and it was relatively short for a course since it lasted only for about 10 hours today. For the rest of the week I’m going to go through some of the boxes in my office to clean out some of the clutter and organize better. I’m also going to work on some labs in between that so it’ll be a busy few days but should make it go by faster. One of the things I noticed was the amount of pictures I have but no photo album for them. Maybe I’ll get some tomorrow at the dollar store. I’ll also have to figure out what to do with all the old computer CDs that I have and don’t need any more (as I was writing this I did a search and found Greendisk, an environmental recycling service for old computer components — I think I may use that for all those CDs, cases and other older equipment). Basically, I want to streamline what I have to the basics while keeping some memories. I realize that I have too much stuff that just piles up and is never used. I think next year for the holidays I’m going to ask people to make donations to organizations I support or want to support rather than ask for stuff.

All of this is part of my resolution to cut back on “stuff” in general. I think I’m going to see how much I can cut back on and see if I can actually minimize how much I buy. I don’t know if I can stop buying everything as I do need food and have to buy ink for the printer but extra stuff (e.g., books and such) will be no-nos. To help with this I’ve cut out the gym ($30/month that was wasted previously) and cut down on what’s on my personal cell phone (down $40 as well but might be further down another $10). That means $70-80 saved a month, which translates into about $750-960 a year saved! That’s a lot that can go towards paying off the credit cards. And if I’m not spending, then I can pay even more down. If I maintain this, I could conceivably pay off about a fifth to a quarter of my debt this year alone (not including any refund stuff I finally get from Canada). I do have one commitment to do and that’s to travel to Halifax for my aunt’s wedding and then next holiday will likely be going to Los Angeles but perhaps the L.A. trip can be covered partially or fully with airline points.

I asked earlier this month as to what people thought 2009 will bring in regards to hope or dismay. And the more I look towards this path and my trans path, I see more and more hope. By getting rid of the things that once held me down, I feel more free and alive. There’s still a lot I need to sort out and things I need to explore and finish (like my novel) but I think it opens up my avenue for the future even more. Anyways, to add a little more fun to the evening I leave you with the humor of the late great George Carlin and his piece on “Stuff”. Happy New Year. 🙂

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Tags: Daily life, dreams, Life, transgendered .

NaNoWriMo Excerpt: The Audacity of Hope (not just something for a president)

Posted on November 5, 2008 by Linus Posted in Gratitude, Politics, transgender, transition .

I, too, can dare to hope and dream. It’s not just for the privileged few that make up politics and the like. I wrote a lot of this for the National Novel Writing Month 2008. As it happens, today is the day after the election. I hear the morning birds chirping perhaps with a little more ‘pep’ in their chirp; the buses rumbling along with the sound of kids laughing and teasing; the sky, while grey, is still bright in some way.

Hope.

A powerful thing for a great nation and individual men alike.

I sit, gently puffing on my cigar as I ponder my future and what I’m becoming. The Pending Boi inside me is growing up fast with the realization of becoming a man one day, perhaps not quite what I want but the reality of it all. It’s been over 2 years since I started my transition from woman to butch to genderqueer to transguy. Some may question why I did it and why it took so long to do it. No path for any goal is the same for all people. Mine is my own path and it’s a unique one with terror, fear, love, hate, joy, dreams and even hope. I may one day call myself a guy, dropping the trans along the way when my historical self becomes a footnote to my present self. For now, I’m a transguy and I have hope for who I am, where my future lies and what will become.

Maybe one day transmen and transwomen won’t have to announce their transitions of the true selves they are; maybe they’ll be able to just become who they are supposed to be (much like many of us) and all of us will celebrate that, rather than remember the ones lost along the way for being true to themselves.

The cigars I enjoy today are not little Short Storys but rather ones that could make up novels and epics. They come with intricate details that weave a tale of mystery and temptation. I watch as the gentle smoke from the Gurkha Centurian dances at me, beckoning me to join into the story. It becomes the symbol of being apart and yet, being part of. I still remain somewhat of an outsider to life but less so today. I belong here as the transguy I am and the guy I will become.

Maybe one day, we too can have the audacity of hope and dreams to be seen as people.

Maybe.

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Tags: cigar, CIGARS, dreams, election, Life, love, Politics, transition .

Nov 4: Will you remember where you were?

Posted on November 4, 2008 by Linus Posted in Politics .

Today appears to be a historic day in the US. As I read through blogs, twitter message and the like, there this huge sense of pride and patriotism towards being an American and voting today — more so than any other recent point in history. It’s the first time that, potentially, a POC will be elected as a president of the US. A notable thing in itself. And even more important since it will mean somewhat of a policy shift (US politics, like many other nations, it is the wealthiest that get elected — and primarily their interests — that the political process is all about). If the polls are correct and Obama wins, he will likely be the most criticized and watched president yet. There is a lot about the US culture that has skepticism about a non-white president or other political leader. And it’s a fight against historical stereotypes.

Hopefully, regardless of who’s elected I can only hope that this election generates hope and belief in the future for the US. The past 8 years have been trying for the US and for many the future has seemed rather bleek. Regardless of the stock market, if the citizens have hope for what is to come the future tends to go better. Everything is pointing to Obama winning and if he does, it will represent a bit of a watershed as to where US politics will go. It doesn’t mean that discrimination will end nor does it mean that white privilege has stopped. But it does mean a step forward at potentially eliminating both of those.

For me, I’m hopeful that if Obama gets in, the market will shift towards a more positive outlook, that more options will be opened for those that come here looking for dreams and love, and that transgender/transsexual individuals will have more protections. Either way, this is a historic day and it definitely feels like it. I wonder if the turnout will be a record one, particularly in comparison to Canada’s recent election where only about 60% voted. At some point down the road people will ask: where did you vote in 2008 to elect… ?

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Tags: blog, dreams, election, love, Obama, Politics, poll, transgender, transgendered .

NaNoWriMo: The Pending Boi

Posted on November 1, 2008 by Linus Posted in Daily life .

There has always been an aspiring writer in me. I’ve done a variety of my own poetry, short stories and the like. But have always dreamed of the day I could hold a book and see my name as the author of that book. My problem is that I have great starts to books but have a harder time flushing them out. So I joined up to be part of National Novel Writing Month, which encourages participants to write a novel in a month (basically, 50,000 words — roughly about 200 pages). It often said that when you do something creative it’s best to go with what you know. My truly creative, imaginative side of myself has been dormant for a long time. And doing fiction is far harder than one thinks. It’s important to keep track of characters, where they are going, what tragedies they’ll meet along the way, what experiences they will experience.

I had originally thought that perhaps a cheesy mystery novel, which I love to read, would work but I need to think more about that and right now, I don’t necessarily have the brain matter to do it. When I look at my successful writing (that which I get paid to do and don’t get paid to do) the majority of it (about 95%) is non-fiction. So, perhaps going a non-fiction route would be better. Additionally, I have a particular piece of baggage that continues to crop up now and again: this feeling of wanting to belong and make a difference; to know that I mattered somehow in some way on this planet and that I wasn’t a mistake (the story explains why this is).

Part of my build up to this was writing more often in this and my cigar blog, at least daily but sometimes 2-3 times a day. I figured out that if I was to meet the 50,000 word requirement it would mean I’d have to write about 1,600+ words a day. That works out to 4-6 pages roughly. Of course, as luck would have it I’m working 3 weeks out of 4 this month. I’m going to try to do extra writing on the weekends and when teaching online, do some writing then. Otherwise, I’ll have to crack stuff out early in the morning and in the evenings. I’ll probably put occasional excerpts here for those interested. Anyways, you will eventually find it here at National Novel Writing Month.

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Tags: dreams, love, transition, work .
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