I doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.
And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.
And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.
Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.
I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.
More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.
And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.