Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: community

Through a glass darkly…

Posted on by Posted in Life, Politics .

I look out the window to the darkest of skies. The thunderstorm is coming soon. But it’s not the rain, lightening or thunder that worry. Even the potential hint of a tornado isn’t of concern. It’s what’s in front of the storm. The bleakness shone through the blackened windows. The gray lifeless walls held memories of a life once lived. It was one of many little hovels grouped together in an attempt to create a complex of exist. Life tried to poke its way through as kids ran down the carless street, unaware of the vast poverty and dismay of the area. Dreams that might have once lived have faded and been burned away like the charred wall paper that juts out of one exposed wall. The only two kids on the street. For them, it is their playground: an old rusted can becomes a ball, a rebar becomes a bat and an old klunker home base.

Rounding first (a broken Coke bottle), I see him race for second base while his opponent chases after the can. I return back to my USA Today. I see an ad extol about the “horrors” of socialism, the threat of “socialized” health care and how a private health care system is the only valid one for the US. The US’s poverty rate is around 12% (higher than the 10% claimed by the ad), Canada around 6% and Cuba is an unknown although I’d peg it around 90%. What’s interesting is that the HDI (Human Development Index — the index that indicates things like life expectancy, literacy, education and standards of living) lists Cuba at 48 on the HIGH category (Canada is 3 while the US is 15).

Right now the US is debating (yet again) what to do about health care. on one side, people believe that pay-per keeps costs down and wiser use of health care. On the other is universal health care where it’s available for all, regardless of whether someone is employed or not. Anyone gets health care coverage and it should limit the possibility of going into debt over health care. But there is one thing that isn’t being considered and is really needed. The reality is that health care is about people. One of the challenges in the US is that it overemphasizes monetary profit, whether for hospitals, staff, benefits programs, etc. It’s not to say that profit isn’t a consideration in places like Canada (Canadian doctors can make the same or slightly below what is made in the US) but there are less extras to address (like malpractice insurance, etc.). I don’t know if the US will ever be able to have a health care that will be effect at helping it’s populace, particularly those in most need, be able to get help — both reactive and proactive/preventative.

The Acela train I’m on continues its fast race to New York. The bleak looking ghetto is on the outskirts of Philadelphia. It reminded me of Mexico City except there it was colourful. Here, its grey, burned and discarded from the rest of society. It is often how the wealthier parts of the country view those without: they are drab, lifeless “things” to discard. Giving those without hope a chance for it can help reduce poverty and give dreams to those who need it.

Uh, no intense offended there.

Posted on by Posted in Buddhism, Life, transgender .

Did you know there’s a 5am?? Seriously. It exists. I’m actually surprised I can get up, go out and bike 10 miles at that hour but I can. And when I do, besides feeling great for the rest of the day, I actually do a lot of thinking, pondering and meditating. While most buddhists meditate on a cushion, I’ve always found — especially on longer rides — that I can better meditate when I’m a road somewhere lost than when I’m “sure” of where I am. It is hard to get up at 5am sometimes but I know I have to do it, even if I only go for 30 minutes. It’s better than not going.

This morning I was pondering a few things, the most prominent how society (yes, I know I’m generalizing; bare with me) has decided that we shouldn’t present our opinions. It’s almost as if we’re ashamed of admitting to our prejudices, opinions and such. K and I have been watching All in the Family lately and for all the misguided views of Archie I will say that he was rarely shy to admit his true feelings and views about things. We’ve become so concious of other people’s views that we almost are afraid of forming our own. And if someone challenges our opinion of something, rather than facing that challenge, we give up and walk away. I really have no problem with people not liking the path that I’m on. It’s their choice to accept it or not. As long as they respect me as a human being, that’s fine. I would rather have someone debate with me about an issue or view using some variation of logic than not have the discussion. It then remains the giant elephant in the room that no one dares discuss and that means no one learns anything.

Mike Stivic: You know, you are totally incomprehensible.
Archie Bunker: Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense.

It’s not to say that being vulgar or abrasive is necessary, nor are ad hominem attack needed. But that discussions need to be done, even if we do not agree. I almost wonder if the true art of debate and intelligent discussion is gone. We’re so intent on our own view that we do not consider any other as potentially valid and allow others to voice their views. It is a two-way street for everyone. I don’t think it’s that impossible to open the door to discussion, even when others are set in their views and ways, to have a respectful discussion if we acknowledge that everyone has different experiences in life that both give us rosy views and jaded views. Language, specifically the English one, is a cumbersome method of communication at time. What appears neutral to one appears otherwise to others.

A recent discussion, which I’ll admit I’m not fully sure why there is an uproar over, has been over the use of “cis-” (as in, cisgender, cis-sexual, etc.) to describe natal-gender born individuals (e.g., natal men and natal women). Some natal individuals find the use of “cis-” offensive. It was suggested to me that non-trans would be a better term. While I’ll be respectful and not refer to a person that finds “cis-” offensive, I’m not fully clear as to why it’s offensive. It’s true ignorance on my part but I’ve been having difficulty as to finding the reasoning behind it. Is it because it’s a term that the trans community seems to use to describe those whose gender DNA matches their gender soul? Is it because it’s an academic term? Is it because it might (a guess on my part) make them feel less than special? I’m open to discussion as to the how and why this is an issue but I haven’t found anyone who is willing to discuss it.

I know that many people hate labels but we, as humans, often use words to describe others or identify people. Some nice (e.g., given names) and some not so nice (e.g., derogatory terms) labels exist. The challenge is learning which ones are acceptable. The reality is that it often ends up being a very personal thing as to what is acceptable and what isn’t. I think, often, it’s not an deliberate attempt to offend someone, particularly when written online in forums, blogs and such, to use what some perceive as “offensive labels”. It’s important to not only identify why it’s offensive to the reader but what terms you would prefer to use. Both the author and the reader are not representatives of the whole of their “community” but rather are representing themselves in society as a whole and their place in it. That distinction is important for everyone involved to remember.

I do not speak for all white Canadian (Acadian) trans men in the world but speak for just me and how I view the world from my view of being those labels. Others may disagree with me and I welcome that. But that respect for individualness in the world means respecting the individual first. I don’t know how to bring that kind of discussion back to online communities so that actual discussion and debate, IMO, could continue again. As long as those don’t happen, we cannot as a society, again IMO, move forward to evolve.

Oh, them? Just my stalkers..

Posted on by Posted in Life, Twitters .

I admit it. I’m a fan of NCIS. I’ve always like the show and get a kick out of the characters, particularly Abby (played by Pauley Perrette). She has an interesting background, including a master’s degree in Criminology (once, a direction I wanted to do) and truly seems to enjoy her career as an actress. I respect people who do act, whether on the big screen, little screen or stage. It takes a lot to stand in front of strangers, pretending to be something that you may or may not be. Sometimes that pretending can be contrary to who you are (Carroll O’Connor, more widely recognized as Archie Bunker, was far more liberal than even the “Meathead” was). But the one thing to remember is that every actor or actress is a person, a real live human being. Society has recently been overwhelming generations with more entertainment than ever before and the line between entertainment and life is blurring far too rapidly. As a geek, I’ve always found that sometimes the latest craze can be too much.

The Internet and computers were, to me, just tools for communication and creating community. I’ve never been big on the advertising bit but do understand that capitalism is what is driving education in the world today (rather than education for the sake of learning and expanding one’s mind). I suspect, however, it’s that drive to remove the human element from entertainment, that realization that this is a person too and not just the character they portray. I remember, as a kid, hearing stories of people going after Larry Hagman (well known as the badman J.R. in Dallas), claiming how mean and cruel he was. I suspect it is a testimony to how good of an actor he is but it is kind of frightening how society cannot make that break between what is real and what is show. This kind of over-attachment is just below the line of stalker.

And therein lies the issue. The Internet has made it easier for someone to “stalk” others. A friend of mine recently commented, when I mentioned I’d be making my twitter feed private, as to whether she’d be able to continue to “stalk me online” as a result. This is a good friend and she meant it entirely in a fun manner. Unfortunately, there are many out there who do stalk others and an openly feed like twitter can further continue that blurring of reality versus character. A twitter feed (basically, it’s the 140 character blips that people send out about life and such) can often seem one-sided. When we read a twitter sent to us, we forget that we can often be one of many who receive it. And if it’s public, everyone receives it. From a marketing and/or promoting perspective, this is a huge thing. It’s not surprising that the likes of CNN and others have been capitalizing on it. Heck, the whole thing between CNN and Ashton Kutcher was amusing but I failed to see the point. It doesn’t matter how many people follow you if they aren’t really listening to what you are saying.

That aside, however, the bigger challenge is actually know who is really saying it. As I write this blog, many who read it have never met me in person and only know me based on the pictures I post or the YouTube videos that end up here now and again. If I never did the YouTube vids (I’m due for another one soon, I think), I could have been anyone posting those things. Heck, I still could be. The Internet is fascinating in how it does tear down our identities and labels but it’s also scary. There is no way to verify who a person is. In computer security we often try to do multiple forms of authentication (that is, verifying that the person using a resource is who they say they are). Generally, it comes in one of 3 forms: what you know (username/password), what you have (physical ID like passport, card, etc.) or what you are (biometrics like retina scans, iris scans, fingerprints, facial recognition). Using multiples of these or all 3 (ideally) makes identification and verification more effective.

The big I internet will never be able to, at this point and in the near future, be able to provide true verification that the person talking is, in fact, that person. And, to make it worse, we have no way to prevent those that are stalking (in the bad sense) stop their behaviour. There is no police online, there are very limited stalking laws in general and most people scoff at it, claiming it’s the victim’s imagination. One of the things I had challenged in twitter was the ability of someone to reply who wasn’t being followed. Most people were against this (to the degree that some vehemently argued with me, saying that it was a form of censorship and a violation of their 1st Amendment rights). Well, it’s not a violation. That law applies to the government violating your right to speak out, not a private firm. It’s their servers and if they feel there is a need, then they have the right to do so. Certainly object to them if it displeases you. When I mentioned how this might be because of stalkers and spammers, they scoffed saying that those people can be easily blocked. This comment highlights someone who has never experienced (and I hope they never do) what it’s like. There is a fear to knowing that someone who has never been or formerly was a part of your life follows you this excessively. It’s downright scary.

Very few organizations seem to address this properly or fully. They do not consider that they may be helping to feed this and encourage this by not adding in some verifications about who a person is and are they who they claim to be. Because of this lack of verification, no court order can be put in place to prevent someone from following another or pretending to be that other. Most “stalkers” are not dangerous but now and again, there is one. And it only takes one. So how does this all tie in with Pauley Perrette? Well, over the weekend I watched her YouTube video (see below) about Twitter and the fact that she cannot have an internet presence. While not a violation of her 1st Amendment it is a violation of her right to enjoy life, liberty and happiness to allow someone to so control you that you cannot be creative, if you wanted to, on a global basis. It is another form of denying someone their right to their own identity, whatever that may be.

Transitioning on the job: win.

Posted on by Posted in Gratitude, LGBTQ, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work, Uncategorized .

This past week turned out to be far better than expected. As some of you have read, this was the first week that colleagues really saw me since before my transition began. I was very apprehensive after reading about so many who have been mocked, ridiculed, etc. when they transitioned on the job. I got the complete opposite. To the point of near tears. I am blessed for working in a company that is supportive of the person I am and am becoming. I wasn’t quite comfortable using the washroom with colleagues but have done more of that when out in public or going to airports. I get “sir’d” constantly now and even changed a few of my “points” (e.g., hotel, airline, etc.) to “Mr.” and get called that as well. Almost every night, I met up with about 4-12 of my colleagues in one room or another. We had a few drinks (it’d kill the swine flu, I tells ya); a few cigars; and a lot of war stories. I got asked a few questions, shown a lot of support and good laughter. I guess it was a form of bonding with my colleagues (many who want to do co-teaches with me, especially in Vegas — apparently they’d lied; it doesn’t stay in Vegas — LOL).

I know there are a few who probably weren’t sure of what had happened to me and aren’t too sure how to ask (they were being polite or PC, not sure which). And for those folks it may be necessary to do an email to colleagues. I think that this week I’ll be working on that email and send it out (assuming HR is ok with it). I’ll probably put a huge line at the bottom that says something along the lines that I’m ok with pretty much any question being asked to me directly but to remember that I’m not like other trans individuals and not to assume that others will answer those questions.

It was weird today. For some reason I wish I could call my mom and tell her, excitedly, about all my successes. But then I remembered I can’t. Many choices in life I do not regret .. except one: my last words to my mom two years prior to her death. It doesn’t change the fact that she was killed unnecessarily  nor does it change the history we had (both good and bad). But as I travel further down my Buddhist path, I’m becoming more aware of the power of karma (karma is neither good nor bad, it just is the effect of actions) and the importance of lessening the suffering, no matter how small, on ourselves and others.

Anyways, I do believe that I am proof of a few things. It is possible to transition on the job with little or few objections by employer, employees and customers. I am also proof, I suspect, of white privilege and specifically, male white privilege. I work in a male dominanted industry and one that is highly white dominanted (for all the wrong reasons, IMO). It is stuff like that which frustrates me since I cannot figure out how to change things (at least not just yet).  It will be interesting to see if my salary changes at the next performance review (it should — not based on gender but rather all the things I’m doing and will be doing over the next 6 months).

Trans Thoughts: The Battles Within the T Community

Posted on by Posted in trans activism, transgender, transition .

Going back to Ottawa last week was great in some respects, in others, not so much. I have to admit grinning internally as I’d listen to students 2nd guess my gender when they’d discuss things amongst themselves. And I got braver about using the right washroom. The biggest challenge will come next week when I’m with colleagues. Everything will be in the hotel so that will make things easier but it will still be interesting. It does press the need for my name change, to officially come out to colleagues and to move forward with necessary surgery (the heat this weekend highlighted the need for top surgery — just sweat with so many layers on trying to hide things).

All-in-all I will admit to being very lucky. Transmen really do have it easier compared to our trans sisters. And white trans individuals have more leeway than POC trans individuals. Lately, however, I’ve been reading on the internet about some of the hate-filled comments others have made about transwomen. What seems to be one of the most distressing ones is attacks from individuals that society might view as trans. Two sites I frequent recently erupted into battles over transsexual/transgender versus HBS.

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace — Buddha

Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) is the idea that the body was deformed at birth and thus surgical sexual reassignment surgery is needed to “cure” one self. Often it is linked to intersex disorders (intersex is a range of disorders that result in the genitals being ambigous; you can find out more here) but the thing to remember is that HBS is not intersex. And to date, HBS (sometimes referred to as “true transsexualism”) hasn’t been validated by peers or accepted by the APA/AMA. For me, this is important. For those that view themselves as having HBS, if it resolves what they feel it does within themselves, then that is good. I cannot view myself that way because it does deny where my past was, which is still something I want to honour as it is part of who made me the person I am.

One of the biggest challenges with HBS, in my opinion, is that there is a perceived view as to what makes a transsexual and how a transsexual should look. There is a huge desire that a transsexual look perfect and pass perfectly; anything less suggests not beng “true”.  Add to that a desire to not be associated with transgender (that is, gender different people who may be pre-op, no-op, etc.) as well as the LGBTQ community at large and it creates an unfortunate schism in the overall community. Granted that this is their choice, that is fine but often what has been happening is a deliberate attempt to go after those that choose another path that they are more comfortable with. I respect a person’s choice to transition or not; to view themselves as having HBS or not; to just be. Anything else would advocate that they should suffer in life and that goes against my desire to stop suffering as per my buddhist leanings. Maybe I do not fully understand all that they have experienced when they got to this point and something in their life has given them reason to hate (and, yes, I will use the word hate since that is what it’s like reading sometimes) those that do not adhere to HBS.

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.—Unknown

I can somewhat understand the cis-gendered butch’s hatred towards an FtM but there is a mythos that all FtMs were former butches and this is incorrect. This is akin to the idea that all MtFs were drag queens and flambouyant gay men. And while some go towards what society defines as male or female there are many that do not. None of these are incorrect thoughts. They are just different than what society expects, whether mainstream or within the LGBTQ society.  I do, however, have a hard time understanding the issues that are between the HBS and the overall trans community. I know that some of it is that for many HBS they do not see themselves as trans, if I understand what I’ve read about it correctly, and rather see themselves as per their gender but with a birth defect. And that’s fine.

I’m not advocating a “Kumbya” moment here but rather a respect of differences since each of us cannot walk along another’s path and remember that not all of us will fit or would want to fit Hollywood’s definition of “woman” or “man”. As a whole we need to avoid falling into the trap of judging by the cover of the individual. One would think that the recent sensation of Susan Boyle had, at the least, taught us that, no?

Trans Activism: Where’s the transguy history and community?

Posted on by Posted in trans activism .

After TDoR this past week I’ve had a desire to do more trans activism. I’ve submitted a volunteer request to the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and hopefully somewhere there I can do something. We’ll see where all this is leading but one thing I have noticed is a lack of trans history. Oh, it’s there but more modern regular history seems lacking (that or I’ve not looked into all the right places). We are often overshadowed by LGB history and it leaves us in the cold, particularly for trans guys. This lack of history can mean a lack of “society” or culture for trans guys. From the research I’ve done thus far we have Thomas Beattie, Buck Angel and Brandon Teena, each uniquely special and poignant to our history in their own way. The most tragic is, in my opinion, Brandon.

That said, there has to be more. I know that transmen make up the smaller portion of the transsexual/transgender community but certainly there has to be more out there, isn’t there? When searching the blogosphere for trans individuals to connect with, I’m faced with lots of beautiful transwomen but am having a hard time finding transguys. I’ve been pondering the why for a while now and have come up with a few thoughts/conclusions on this (entirely based on guesses and conversations):

  1. Most transguys go stealth and give up their trans history. This isn’t an unusual behaviour or response and totally understandable. What I’ve seen more often from transmen* is that they’ve identified as a boy or man since age <insert whatever young age here> and never identified with their female-born body. Many outright despise Beattie for showing the world a pregnant transman and thus, reducing us to “freak status”.
  2. There’s just less of us. I’ve seen figures as low as 10% but I do suspect that is changing. With far easier access to resources, the number of transmen is probably increasing. The Philadelphia Trans Health Conference 2008 was disproportionately high in the number of masculine-spectrum trans individuals, a lot of them young (18-24 age range seemed common).
  3. A feeling of disconnect from any community. For some transmen who were part of the lesbian/queer community first and then transitioned they find, as I have found recently, an ostracization by those communities. There is no sense of connect with transwomen and thus, they feel they have no where to go. So they fade into the woodwork of stealth, never to be seen or heard again in the communities that were once home.
  4. It’s noticeable that the only identified transmen that one can find historically (the three listed above) are all white. Based on the support group I go to, there should be POC, Latino and other races making up the history of transmen.
  5. We are afforded privilege, particularly those that are white. And with the privilege means we blend in with society without even trying. We are accepted as brethen without question by cisgendered guys (something I’ve noticed in some of the non-LGBTQ sites I’m part of)

I’ve been told that at some point I’ll want to be stealth, even if it’s for safety reasons. This may be true but right now I have no desire to do this. If anything, I intend on staying out as long as I can and for as long as I want. Many transwomen are successful at doing this, so why not the guys? For our community and culture to survive and prosper, we need to have a history. We need heroes who have stood up against adversity and role-models for those yet to come. We need someone to look to and say, “I wanna be like him”.

I’m going to continue searching to see if I can find some more, perhaps stuff that isn’t as mainstream but I remain doubtful at what won’t be found.

*I use the term transmen to refer to all trans individuals born female at birth but presenting and/or transitioning (medically or not) masculine outwardness.

The Power of Words

Posted on by Posted in LGBTQ, transgender, transition .

I was recently pondering all the bru-ha-ha over the idea of same-sex marriage. It is interesting to see how states will give **EXACTLY** the same rights and privileges as straight/het married individuals but because it’s called civil unions, it’s viewed as not enough. I dunno. Either way I look at it, it is a form of a social contract and commitment between two or more people (IMO — it’s so nice that it’s limited to just two people, as if we’re only capable of loving just two but that’s a whole other post on-to-itself, I think). And really, you know, words are powerful things and something we take that for granted. We use words to describe who we are and where we’re going in life. And sometimes those words seem apt to us but to others they are adequate or wrong. Take for example, transgender. For most definitions it is about the fact the person views themselves as different from birth gender.

refers to any gender variant person. It is a broad, relatively recent term referring to people whose gender identity or expression falls outside of stereotypical gender norms.

Source: Google Definition Search

When I compare this to the various definitions of transsexual we seem some overlap:

– a person who has undergone a sex change operation
– transsexual(a): overwhelmingly desirous of being, or completely identifying with, the opposite sex
– a person whose sexual identification is entirely with the opposite sex

Source: Google Definition Search

Now, yes, transsexual does fall under the domain of transgender. What’s interesting is that society seems to be ok with the term transgender but not so much the term transsexual. It’s not just the “trans community” (at least those that I am familar with so this isn’t a broad brush thing) that seems to view it as a more acceptable term. When you read various articles and newspieces, a transsexual is often associated with a trans sex worker who has been murdered while transgendered refers to others that are seen in a good light. The use of transgender in the news media is well over double that of transsexual. It’s a curious thing why.

As I think of the historical evolution of the word and the world of transsexuals/transgender individuals, it makes me wonder if there is a negative stigmata associated with that of transsexual. That is, a transsexual is a bad thing (e.g., pedophile or other “sexual deviant”) whereas transgender is a good thing and is viewed in a positive light. Mass media has largely used the term transsexual to define individuals that were corrupt, scheming and evil in many ways. That’s not to say that there aren’t trans individuals who aren’t that but there are many — more than likely the majority — who are nice, average people just living life. So why is it we only see transsexual in the terms of a negative?

On the flip side, transgender has been taking a lot more of a positive look on things and seems to be more accepted as a path for individuals to pursue in their quest to match up their gender with their view of their gender. When the terms are looked in a better light then perhaps society may look at the individuals who use those terms to describe themselves in a better light. The term tranny, a term I don’t particularly like because of it’s historically insulting and demeaning use, continues — in mainstream use — to have a negative connotation to it although it does depend on the context and who uses it. For some it is a form of ownership to our own history and that is true in many ways. For some “trannies”, there is a sense of pride to take ownership of it and self-identify with it.

So that leads me to a self-question: do we acqueise to what society wants in hopes that it may lessen discrimination or do we use the words we want to self-describe ourselves as we see fit? I’d rather be hated because I used words that better described me than loved for words that made me look fluffy (although, I really am fluffy, to borrow Gabriel Iglesias term)

Transitioning: Not just a fad anymore, Timmy

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, LGBTQ, Life, transgender .

It’s no wonder that transgendered individuals have it hard after they transition. Many are pushed out by the very communities they once called “home” and the rest of society views them as freaks. Or worse. Last night we got into a discussion about the concept that many view transgendered/transsexual individuals, particularly those in the FTM category, to be nothing more than a “passing fad”. That those that do transition do it on a whim and a prayer and have no idea of the consequences that face them. I dunno. I have a hard time believing that all the transguys and other masculine fluid individuals I know did this on a whim just for the sake of.. well, what is it for?

Some would assume it’s for the idea of male privilege and the ability to garner more money from jobs. But based on the Time article about gender and the work place, I have doubts. The increase in salary is only, at best, about 2% (as an average). I have no doubt that many face risks by transitioning. The idea that I do this because it’s a fad or will garner me some privilege is insulting. It’s never been about that. It has been about something that is rather self-serving: my own sanity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate where some of this comes from.

The largest voice I’ve heard is the butch/femme community which feels that many (all?) young butches are giving up their female bodies to become men. And many femmes won’t date men. But I think there are a few misconceptions out there about this (I’ll use the term transguy for a masculine-bodied person that transitions with or without medical assistance for ease of description; keep in mind that this spectrum is hugely varied):

  1. Not all transguys are into femmes or women. Many are gay (into cisgendered guys or other transguys) or into butches. Or pansexual (into everyone, gender be damned) and are proud of that. For me personally, I prefer femme women — particularly if they are queer. The reason is that I believe, rightly or wrongly, that they’d be more appreciative of who I am, my own history and where I’m going. A heterosexual straight woman may or may not be ok with me.
  2. Some were never comfortable in the “lesbian” community, being shunned quite often for being too masculine. Even if they found a butch/femme community and it appealed to them, their own self-existence and their own identity wasn’t defined enough by the binary of butch and femme. Even the concept of stone butch was too limiting to where they wanted to be and how they presented to others. For them, being in the lesbian community wasn’t a goal or a desire. Their heroes weren’t necessarily from there, especially with the development of the trans-community on it’s own (to a degree).
  3. It really isn’t about the lesbian community or butch/femme community or any other community. It is about the individual and how they perceive themselves. It may be enough to pass as they are without assistance and that gender confusion is enough for them to be happy with. But for some, it’s not enough to pass sometimes and be viewed one way sometimes but not the way they see themselves all the time — 24/7.
  4. The idea to do a transition, particularly medically assisted transition, isn’t a choice done overnight. For an outsider, it may appear to be overnight but I can bet that for the transguy, he’s thought about it for a while; he’s likely done his research, asked questions of others and contemplated the choices, the risks and the benefits. You don’t spend thousands of dollars on surgery, enjoy getting regular shots (which will continue for the rest of your life) or risk one’s health on a “whim”.
  5. The idea that the transition, for FTMs in particular, is done to gain male privilege is silly. If anything, I do it because of feminism. Oh yes, you heard me. The reality is that I wouldn’t be able to have this choice if it were up to men and male privilege. But because I have that option open to me, I can choose to live as a butch or live as my mind and soul have seen myself. It’s not for privilege but for sanity and I feel lucky enough that I can go to a doctor, make an educated decision and move my external to match what my internal is.

I, of course, see this through my own eyes, as someone who has been viewed as a female for about 37-odd years (odd being an operative word for me). Once I began to look at transitioning as an option rather than as something others did, I began to see little clicks for points and concepts in my life. It made sense and began to feel more comfortable and life less insane. My time in the butch/femme community has made me appreciative of a portion of the lesbian community that often goes unappreciated and often sneered at, another thing I don’t understand.

But the idea of being a traitor, of giving up on the identity of butch, is — to me — insulting to who my true person is and my gender is. And to those that follow, it is insulting to them to demean them and suggest that their decision is a “fad” and nothing more than a “whim”. It is something that the trans community, particularly the transguys, need to take ownership of. Our path is one that actually is made up of many varying paths with many varying backgrounds and one goal in mind: to find a way to present ourselves as ourselves and defined by ourselves.

No one, not even the lesbian community, can do that for us.

As I write this tonight, it did occur to me that the transgender/transsexual communities are truly the bridge between the gay and lesbian communities and the rest of society. While each represents the sexual orientation of society, we represent the basic core and recognize something that scientists have recently discovered: there is more than just two genders out there.

There’s a rainbow of them.

Are forums a community or a business?

Posted on by Posted in LGBTQ, Uncategorized .

I had to post this. I was visiting a queer site today and noticed someone who was banned. And it seemed, that they were banned for being an FTM who was straight. Now, there are other FTMs on the site but this just kinda stood out. There may have been other issues at play here since the member was identified as being previously banned but the way the admin had stated it, it came across as being banned for being a straight FTM (he was asking if others were straight identified as well).

And this does make me think about how sites are managed. Are forums just a business or are they a community? If the site is charging at what lines does it become a business? At one point in the life of the internet (oh, around the early 90s-to-mid 90s) the internet was about information and community. It was a big part of what it was and how it developed. People wanted to connect with others to learn, rant, rave and find a connection that otherwise was hard to do. Distance and too few like-minded individuals made it hard to do. Additionally, only the truly geeky could setup a site and move it forward because they had the all powerful know-how.

But the reality of costs began to impede on the viability of continuing communities as they were. When I think of it, it’s not really costs that kill communities but rather when a community gets too big too fast and doesn’t allow for the core group (depending on the size of the community but can range from 5-50 individuals) from forming a strong cohesion, then it can die. On the flip side, however, is the issue that if there is ONLY the core group, a community can die. Being too heavy handed is just as bad as being too light handed.

I have come to the belief that being communicative as to goals and dreams in a big way with the community is the best way to keep things moving. An open line where community thoughts are taken into consideration — and USED on occassion — as much owner/admin thoughts are. While most sites I’ve admin’d or moderated on have a hard rule about not letting individuals back after banned, I do believe that exceptions can be made. Perhaps I’m too much of a softy but even in our own judicial systems there are opportunities for individuals to make amends and earn back “societal” points, if you will.

So all this said, where are our internet communities now going? Facebook and MySpace are hardly communities. They are, if you will, fly-by-night friends who spam each other with garish comments and applications (it can be fun but let’s call them what they are at times). Blogs like Livejournal and Blogger are forms of massive bookmarks that few people seem to get a chance to read. And our community forums are… well, their permanence and actual cohesiveness seem to be in question these days.

Do you remember newsgroups? If you do, you’ll remember that they were in their hay day during the early formation of the internet up to about the mid-90s when forums began to really appear. It makes me wonder if this is the future of forums: sluffed away in favour of fly-by-night “communities”.

Oh.. and a final note since this seems to be missed by a few:


I AM NO LONGER A TECH GURU AT BUTCH-FEMME. I will help with computer issues but if you have issues with B-F please contact Miz C or PapaC please.