Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: Canada

I lurve my company and am annoyed by Ontario Gov’t..

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

Or at least my manager. A few months ago, while running between flights and having to lug my laptop out for security checks, it dropped and caused some damage to the case. It was enough that it required a repair. Long story short, the expenses finally got approved because my manager believes in her staff that work for her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s not enough to work for a great company; it’s the people that truly make the difference. Every day that I’m at my company I’m in awe of the knowledge and kindness that I get from colleagues and my manager.  Her actions reminded me how much I love working for my company, not just because the I love our products and believe in them so much but because the people are so awesome and humble. I told her I owed her a dinner for this but she said that she owed me one for all the times I’ve been flexible when they needed someone to fill in at the last minute. It capped a day that had been somewhat depressing but was ending on a good note.

On Thursday, while in Baltimore, I went to the local cigar store to unwind and won a hat as part of an event they had on. While relaxing, I connected my iPod Touch to the wireless and found out that the Matthew Shepard bill got approved by the Senate (I know that some may not approve or understand but as a trans individual, it adds a little more protection for someone like me). I think it shows more and more that what’s in the government, albeit slow as most large governmental organizations are, are good people and try to help where they can. It gives a little bit more of hope to me that ENDA might yet pass in the full form rather than a water downed version as was previously thought.

When I finally got back to NYC, I noticed a large envelope from Ontario. I was hopeful that it was my newly modified birth certificate. Apparently something isn’t right with the forms and the provided documentation. So before I go fully ballistic, I tried calling them (this morning, in fact). Unfortunately, their computers were down so I’ll try again tomorrow.

The Catch-22 of a Name Change

Posted on by Posted in transition .

As a Canadian living in the US, I face neat little challenges regularly. Red tape is a fact of life by being this kind of visitor. Now, of course, being a Canadian I am honest about what I am and what I do. I follow the rules, particularly when it comes to US Immigration et al. And so I was recently faced with the chicken and egg concept: when changing one’s name in the US, as a non-citizen, what do I change first: SSN or Passport? The answer, I figure, is passort and work visa. So I went to the TDELF to have them help me navigate the waters of the US legal system. Apparently, I’m one of the first they’ve ever had who has changed the name in the US and then gets to face the home nation and it’s red-tape.

Once all the appropriate documents were filed and once the name publication is done, I will be able to obtain my certified copies of name change (10 in all). YAY ME! So as the lawyer goes through that process, I decided to get a head start on the Canadian side of thing. I called the Ontario Registry (they look after births, deaths and marriages) and asked about how to get my birth certificate modified. They explained it, saying that all I’d need is the certified copy, a letter from a guarantor and why I was using a non-Canadian for it (i.e., have been living in the US for two years now). Simple enough. One red tape issue addressed. I then called Passport Canada.

Now things get tricky. To get the new passport I need the amended birth certificate along with a signed piece of ID. No problem right? NOT. The 2nd ID MUST have the new name. The thing is, I do not drive and have no other form of ID other than passport. So I’m kind of in a chicken-and-egg thing. In order to get State ID, I must use my passport and visa but I suspect that will only get ID that will reflect my now-old name. In order to get State ID with new name, I need my passport to reflect that and.. oh wait.. You can see the quandary I’m in. So, I think I’m going to try to see about updating my SIN card (that’s a Social Insurance Number in Canada for those of you from the US). I think I used that previously to get my passport done.

I figure the wait time for the two initial pieces of ID — birth certificate and SIN card — will take until sometime mid-November. So come January I’ll have to trek up to Toronto or Montreal or even Halifax or even Calgary (actually, maybe Montreal, Halifax or Calgary– I can visit family in any of those cities and get the NEXUS while there as well) to get the passport done. Perhaps I should also get a federal ID card while I’m at it (Canadian citizenship card, I believe they are called). I think once the SIN is done I can then do all the credit cards. And once the passport is done then I can get the US SSN done and have that reflective — FINALLY — on my work email. I’m still hopeful that a green card is in my future but if I can get all this done before the final application for that is done, then life will be good.  Whatever the process, I will be documenting it here as I have a feeling I’m not the first nor will I be the last person who has to do this.

Ain’t government process fun?? 🙂

Through a glass darkly…

Posted on by Posted in Life, Politics .

I look out the window to the darkest of skies. The thunderstorm is coming soon. But it’s not the rain, lightening or thunder that worry. Even the potential hint of a tornado isn’t of concern. It’s what’s in front of the storm. The bleakness shone through the blackened windows. The gray lifeless walls held memories of a life once lived. It was one of many little hovels grouped together in an attempt to create a complex of exist. Life tried to poke its way through as kids ran down the carless street, unaware of the vast poverty and dismay of the area. Dreams that might have once lived have faded and been burned away like the charred wall paper that juts out of one exposed wall. The only two kids on the street. For them, it is their playground: an old rusted can becomes a ball, a rebar becomes a bat and an old klunker home base.

Rounding first (a broken Coke bottle), I see him race for second base while his opponent chases after the can. I return back to my USA Today. I see an ad extol about the “horrors” of socialism, the threat of “socialized” health care and how a private health care system is the only valid one for the US. The US’s poverty rate is around 12% (higher than the 10% claimed by the ad), Canada around 6% and Cuba is an unknown although I’d peg it around 90%. What’s interesting is that the HDI (Human Development Index — the index that indicates things like life expectancy, literacy, education and standards of living) lists Cuba at 48 on the HIGH category (Canada is 3 while the US is 15).

Right now the US is debating (yet again) what to do about health care. on one side, people believe that pay-per keeps costs down and wiser use of health care. On the other is universal health care where it’s available for all, regardless of whether someone is employed or not. Anyone gets health care coverage and it should limit the possibility of going into debt over health care. But there is one thing that isn’t being considered and is really needed. The reality is that health care is about people. One of the challenges in the US is that it overemphasizes monetary profit, whether for hospitals, staff, benefits programs, etc. It’s not to say that profit isn’t a consideration in places like Canada (Canadian doctors can make the same or slightly below what is made in the US) but there are less extras to address (like malpractice insurance, etc.). I don’t know if the US will ever be able to have a health care that will be effect at helping it’s populace, particularly those in most need, be able to get help — both reactive and proactive/preventative.

The Acela train I’m on continues its fast race to New York. The bleak looking ghetto is on the outskirts of Philadelphia. It reminded me of Mexico City except there it was colourful. Here, its grey, burned and discarded from the rest of society. It is often how the wealthier parts of the country view those without: they are drab, lifeless “things” to discard. Giving those without hope a chance for it can help reduce poverty and give dreams to those who need it.

Life or something like it (ver. 0.1)

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

In some ways so much is going on and yet, it does seem, in other ways that it isn’t that important. K and I went and saw Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail. This isn’t Oscar material but dayum, was funny! I needed funny. I’m doing better and I know that Rosie is in a better place now. I do want to thank everyone for their kind words. It has been greatly appreciated. I’ve been surprised how much has flowed. I know that some people don’t consider furrkids like kids and don’t understand how someone can get upset over a little critter but we can and do. Bobcat, I suspect, is starting to go through a bit of depression. She’s finally realized she’s the only one left. She’s been loking for Rosie and is starting to realize she’s not around or coming back. Since I’ve been in my office a lot lately (getting ready for an online teach this week), she’s taken to sitting beside or behind me. She’s also taken to being talkative (more like yelling) during the night. I’m hoping that this subsides soon as it kept me up most of the night. We leave our bedroom door open for her and I’ve even tried bringing her to bed so she won’t feel alone but no go.

Transitioning still seems like it will take forever to complete or move to the next stage. Part of that has been due to a hectic work schedule. It’s hard to schedule doctor’s visits when I can’t take half-days like I used to. As an instructor, I kind of have to be there for the full day. I try to schedule around my teaching schedule but the problem then arises that the doctor only has Wednesday’s available. This means that I have to find weeks that I’m not teaching to accommodate the doctor — and that can be a pain. Right now I’m trying to get something for the first week of April — only to be told that they don’t have April’s schedule yet. As a result, I’ll likely push out any top surgery until August since my May is booking up really fast.

Adding insult to injury was the fact that for a day or two, I didn’t seem to pass. I’m not sure what it is I’m doing — although I suspect it’s a voice thing. Time will settle that down. I also need to be more conscious of how I talk. Mannerisms do make a difference. I did find a few sites that talk about how the way men and women talk differently. I need to work on that a little more. It’s usually little things like talking slower, moving hands more (it’s too cold so that’s less likely), being definitive, etc. There are some things that I don’t want to do as I classify them as disrespectful masculine behaviours (e.g., dominance of a conversation, invasion of personal space, interrupting others, etc.) but I don’t think that one is male by doing those habits. I think that’s just rude.

I have been contemplating that perhaps losing weight will help me present more male, especially if I put on more muscle. I’ve never had a desire to be super skinny but rather “stocky” muscular. For me to do that, I’d need to lose about 40-60lbs. Not a lot but certainly, not a little. I actually had started “running” (more walking than running but definitely more movement) last week. I was doing it once every 2-3 days. I should have gone today but wussed out on being too tired. I may not be able to go to GIP tonight but perhaps I’ll go to bed early and then get up early with K to go for a quick run in the morning. The one advantage of teaching in CST timezone is that it’s a little later in the morning and means I can do a bit more. It will mean teaching a bit later in the evening but that’s livable for now.

What has been interesting, in my simple opinion, is that no one challenges me on these changes — outside of immediate friends and family (even then, it’s minimal). I keep expecting someone to have issue with me and yet, I haven’t faced it. My job is very public and very much customer facing. When I travel, I deal with all sorts of security types who seem to have no issue with the fact that I don’t like exactly like my photo (my face has changed considerably since I had the picture taken in Jan 08). I might try and see if I can get my name change done soon. There may be an opportunity for me to go to Vancouver in April and if so, it might be the perfect time to get a new passport done. I’m going to go on Monday to talk with the lawyers at the name changing clinic to see what advice they can offer (since it’s free) and how I might be able to go about doing this.

There will be other travel possible — San Fran in May and possibly Orlando in April (in addiction to Vancouver). It’s actually interesting since the company said they wanted to reduce travel costs. Granted, for the first quarter (Jan-Mar) I’ve been pretty much home based. I’ve been doing lots of online and have had only one week in Chicago. The rest has been online, in city (Wall Street area) or off-platform (not teaching but “learning”).

I think I’ll also file my taxes for the US on Monday. It’s weird. I’d get a decent chunk of change back from the federal level, only to have to give a decent amount of that to the state level. And I’m not quite sure how they do this. If I owe at the state level, is it just removed from my fed refund and I get the difference or do I have to actually pay the state level? (If I actually have to pay the state level, that’s just asinine). There’s a local H&R Block here who has a tax consultant from Canada. I figure he might be a good fit for me — and maybe he can help me with Revenue Canada (who’s still dragging their feet on last year’s tax return).

Anyways, nothing too exciting but it is life, no?

New Poll for February: All about Healthcare

Posted on by Posted in Polls .

So it was interesting to see the results of last month’s poll. Apparently most of us are going to pay off debt (6 votes) and/or get more spiritual (6 votes). This was followed by losing weight (5 votes) and finishing transition (5 votes). When I look at these, it strikes me that this year is a year of change. As Arwen has mentioned to me previous, great change can mean great growth. We’re in a time of great change with a weak economy. But the human spirit tends to still move forward and find new paths. I suspect that the items voted for — debt reduction, spirituality, weight loss and finishing transition — all intertwine into the concept of self-reflection and improvement. It was interesting that “new job” was only 4 votes; although a new job could result in the other items moving forward.

On the other end of things, only one person had no idea what to resolve and another didn’t believe in resolutions. I did expect a bit more of each of these but it will be interesting to see what happens this year. Perhaps everyone wants to grasp on to some hope in an age that feels scary and shaky. This month will actually have two polls and they are kind of tied together. For many trans individuals, as well as members of the LGBTQII, this year feels like a year of growth, hope and moving forward. One of the biggest issues is health care. Many have no coverage at all and even those that do still run a risk of ending up bankrupt from health costs that aren’t covered. One of the weaker areas is SRS coverage. The AMA declared medical benefit coverage a necessity but few, if any, benefits programs are stepping up to the plate to cover these things — even on a partial level.

So that leads to our two questions:

1. Should their be universal basic health care? (by this I mean coverage of basic visits to doctors, clinics, emergency care, etc. — elective or cosmetic surgery not related to a medical issue not covered).

2. Should SRS be covered (whether partially or fully)?

Vacations can always be so short

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work .

Well, I got back earlier today from my trip to Halifax. Needless to say, it wasn’t the best in regards to travel but it was great in regards to visiting family. After our flight had been canceled on the 22nd we went out on the 24th to get our evening flight. We arrived around 5:30ish since the flight was around 7:40pm and there is a requirement to be there 2 hours beforehand (specific for international flights). We settled down and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

The flight was delayed by 3 hours. When we finally got on the plane, the pilot said that we had 40 minutes to get everything loaded and up in the air. The FAA has safety rules, understandably, about how many hours in a day pilots can fly. And he was about to hit his limit. We got everyone on the plane only to have the last two passengers removed because of “weight issues” (it’s a small plane). We taxi out to the runway and are about to take off when the FAA determines that the pilot is 30 seconds beyond his limit. We get pulled off and went back to our gate. We got told the flight was canceled. K and I were pissed. At this point I had figured my whole trip was a washout but as we were walking down the terminal they called us back. They declared it not canceled but rather delayed until 8am the next morning. To “placate” us, they gave us vouchers at a nearby hotel (we got the Ramada Airport Plaza — a very basic, dive of a hotel). Once we finally got our luggage and got to the hotel, it was 2am. We needed to be back at the airport at 6am so we slept for a couple of hours and then went back to JFK.

When we got there the next morning, we learned — as we checked in our luggage — that the flight was delayed yet again until 10:30am. Heck, it didn’t even show up on the board of departures so we had no idea as to its status or anything. K and I had tried to see if we could get her flight changed from a Halifax departure to a JFK departure so she could start her Los Angeles visit early but the airlines were not in a festive mood. So she came with me to Halifax for a short, less-than-24 hour visit. We finally arrived in Halifax by late afternoon. My aunt and my uncle had come to pick us up and were great to show K a 10 cent tour of downtown Halifax as well as regale her with the history of the city. We had a nice Christmas evening, exchanging little gifts and enjoyed some great conversation. K left in the afternoon on the 26th to be with her family and thankfully her flight out went well.

I got to spend some time with my aunt and we discussed my transition. I have to say that she and her fiancee tried very hard to accept my new name and gender. They weren’t perfect but I didn’t expect them to accept this overnight or without stumbling along the way. It felt good that I could talk to her about it and understand her concerns and fears over my transition. I was heartened to hear that she will go to a local trans-family support group (if her schedule allows). And I totally understand her concerns. I’ve even had them at one point. It’s that questioning of whether you are doing the right thing or not. And quite honestly, I think it’s good to have those doubts as it makes you investigate yourself and your true nature wholly. For me this whole process has allowed me to revisit old demons and flush them out as I’ve never done before.

And all-in-all, that’s been a good thing. Do I doubt the road I’m on now? Will I regret it? I think I’d regret it more by not taking it but I know, somewhere in me, that this is the right choice. I’m at peace with myself and my life. I feel as if I can move forward in life and that I’ve stepped over a threshhold into my own life for once. I wish I had more time there but the time I had was great. I’m really looking forward to going back next summer to help my aunt and her fiancee celebrate their wedding. I think it’s going to be an awesome event.

I miss Toronto and New York

Posted on by Posted in Daily life .

This week has been great as I visited friends from both work and from my life. It was easy to pick up from where I left off. Although I spent most of my life not knowing what friendship was, I learned late in life what it is. And I have to say I’m blessed with some pretty amazing friends. It was great to be reminded of all the things that I liked about Toronto but also reminded me of what I’m missing in NYC. I so wish I didn’t have to worry about a border, work or other things. If I could just take K to Canada and not have to fuss over borders, passports and the like, I’d do it. But I can’t.

This picture is from the skating rink in front of City Hall in Toronto. Skating was something I used to do when I was younger and played goalie. It wasn’t unusual to just lace up the skates and go down the Rideau Canal in Ottawa. I hope oen day my kids can experience those kinds of memories.

Revisiting Bowling for Columbine

Posted on by Posted in Politics, Twitters .

Today, on IFC, they were showing Bowling for Columbine. This Michael Moore documentary was an interesting look at the gun culture of the US. But it reminded me more of the differences between Canada and the US in general. When I first watched it a few years ago, it left me with an impression of a society that has very strict divisions of society as well as a “culture of fear”. And now, after living in the US for the past year, I find that it’s not that far off.

One of the things I noticed the most was how the media was done. Part of my work background is that of a computer and security expert/writer. One of the things that most are aware of is the fact that FUDing (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt) does more harm than good. When people are in a constant state of fear and have uncertainty about that induces a huge amount of distrust in the work place and in general life. The reality is that our society needs some sense of trust somewhere.

We always hear questions about whether we trust the government but the question I’d be asking is: how much do you trust the person sitting next to you? Thanks to the mass media (i.e., news, movies, tv shows, talk shows, etc.) we have been taught to fear each other. I find this odd since most Americans I’ve met are really friendly and willing to help. There is an inner desire within each of us that is prevelant, I believe, to help others in need. It’s unfortunate that society has turn that ability to help into something bad or perceived as bad.

We’ve allowed others to decide for us what is “right” and what is “wrong” rather than going through the experience of getting to know one another and creating connections. In Canada, this exists as well but to a limited degree. It’s interesting that most of our “fears” actually were derived from and about the US rather than about other Canadians. I suspect it’s part of why there is such a huge push to have “Canadian only” or “mostly Canadian” content on TV, movies and elsewhere plus a large import from other nations (most notably, the BBC and France). But it’s more than that. There is something in Canadian culture that suggests we trust our neighbours more.

And although we trust our neighbours more, we want to learn even less about them compared to Americans. Many people stereotype Americans as nosy and loud. I suppose you could look at it that way but from my experience it’s more that Americans have a geniune curiosity about those around them, wanting to learn and offering an opinion about what they learn. There is a built in desire there to be part of something more than just their own lives. If we could remove the built up fear about the unknown, you probably wouldn’t see as much poverty, full equal rights for all and tolerance towards all who are different from ourselves.

And although Michael Moore’s piece was somewhat shocking (I can’t help but shake my head at the thought of a bank giving out a gun when you open an account and having 500+ guns in the vault — that, to me, is an invite to rob), in the time I’ve been year I’ve yet to see one gun. I totally respect people’s rights to have them as long as they are smart about them (proper training, storage and usage).

Basically, long winded way of me saying I like my new host country and consider it a second home for me.

US Politics: Uh.. HUH?!

Posted on by Posted in Politics .

A long time ago, in a life far, far away, I was a conservative. Yes, I bow my head in shame on that now but eh, when your young and exploring life in university for the first time you’re open and vulnerable. In fact, they were the first to treat me as a person rather than a “fat chick”. It was a nice feeling. And granted, there were some things that I had believed in at that point: the reality that the present system just cannot support all the baby boomers about to retire, the independence of the individual and the avoidance of government forcing it’s will on others, the reality that all pay taxes (especially to support the previously mentioned baby boomers) and a few other things. I look back at it now and some things I didn’t have a clear view on. I did figure that being with the party in control would open the door into a life of diplomacy, something I believed in and still believe in. I also believed in Canada’s Peacekeeper role, where troops were often sent in-between two warring states to act as mediator (without guns sometimes) and help the locals with basic necessities.

Then life showed me how naive I really was and how a political life isn’t about making a difference. It’s about image, lies and personal gain, particularly for the status quo (to this day, this remains white males — an ironic fact that isn’t lost on me right now).

As a Canadian living in the US for the first time it’s been interesting watching the political process. I have to say that picking now to move to the US (well, actually last December but close enough) has opened my eyes some what. I’m still trying to understand it all but here’s what I get: each party elects a “leader” who will represent that party as a “presidential candidate”. That person selects their 2nd in command aka the “Veep”. This process takes almost 2 years and costs millions upon millions of dollars. It’s mind-boggling, actually. I rarely see ads here and yet, I remember seeing lots of US political ads when I was home (go figure). So, I get asked what I think about the process.

The one thing that I find fascinating is the lack of info that the average person gets. I mean, unless you actively dig at a politican’s website you won’t find out what they stand for outside of the news bites you get from CNN, Fox, et al. And let’s be real. That isn’t news. It’s just a form of advertising. There is no non-biased news that actually educates us on what the issues are, presenting both sides truly in a balanced method. That hasn’t existed EVER.

But what I found most interesting was the introduction of Sarah Palin as “Veep” for the Republicans and the “swarming” of former Democrat Clinton supports to her side.

Because she’s a woman.

Uh.. say what?! Hey, I don’t deny my past but I got a reality check that caused a major shift in the way I look at things. This isn’t the case. These women are voting for Palin (well, not really. They would be voting for McCain and he’s just bringing Palin along for the ride) because she’s a woman. That’s no better than voting for McCain because he’s a man.

Uh… this is the most important position, apparently, in this country. Shouldn’t you vote for someone who is going to do what they say and because they represent what you believe in??? I suppose it just highlights the white privilege in this nation and the desire to keep the status quo. Looking at the McCain website (or do what I did and visit here to see an abbreviated view of her views) and you can see she is a republican through-and-through: no to abortion (regardless of the reason for the pregnancy); belief in tying of religion and government (so much for separation of state, eh?); believes in Creationism and it should be taught in schools (kids go to school for an education, not religion — that should be a family thing at home); believes that global warming isn’t man-made (uh.. WHAT?! Must be them mooing cows from my last post); thinks polar bears aren’t endangered (right — we’re seeing less because they are on vacation in the Bahamas); supports NRA (just in case those endangered bears threaten, eh?); believes that health care should be market driven (compared to us “commies” up north where we get, at the least, basic health care that can be preventative); and.. well. I think you get the picture.

Add to this that you never really vote for the Veep. Now that is the thing that really gets me. Yes, McCain is old and could kick the bucket soon but I find that those that are cranky tend to have the longest lives because they have the most to bitch about (should mean I have a long life yet ahead of me). So many of Clinton’s supporters who are now switching their votes are doing so because they want to vote for Palin. But, uh, unless I’ve misunderstood something, you don’t really vote for the Veep. You vote for the Prez and they bring their running mate along.

I have no doubts that electing McCain (and thus, by proxy, Palin) would mean that I would be booted out fast (I’d imagine a few citizens would want to join me up in the land of the Snow, Hosers and Beer, eh?) since immigration and tightening of immigration seems on the plate, regardless of what one brings into the nation “founded” on immigation (let’s be real that it was founded on slavery, torture, genocide and other things but that is another blog entry for another day). And, given her views on same-sex partnerships, I have no doubts that my trans status would put me on a list of some sort to be rejected for a visa, although my being white may buy me some “grace period” or “favouritism”. I know that I wouldn’t go over as part of God’s plan (I’ve always wanted to ask someone how they know that this isn’t God’s plan but never got the opportunity).

So at this point, my view is that American politics are weird. You don’t really vote for your president and sure as hell don’t vote for your “Veep”. And it takes about 2+ years to get to here. Compare this to the 30-60 days it takes in Canada (and there you vote for your Member of Parliament, whose party may or may not be the overall winner). It’s a little more direct, IMO, compared to what’s here. At least in Canada, people vote a little more for reasons other than someone’s gender.

It’s definitely interesting to say the least from the view point of this armchair political analyst.

Verrry interesting..