Going beyond transition

Tag Archives: airlines

Transitioning on the job: win.

Posted on by Posted in Gratitude, LGBTQ, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work, Uncategorized .

This past week turned out to be far better than expected. As some of you have read, this was the first week that colleagues really saw me since before my transition began. I was very apprehensive after reading about so many who have been mocked, ridiculed, etc. when they transitioned on the job. I got the complete opposite. To the point of near tears. I am blessed for working in a company that is supportive of the person I am and am becoming. I wasn’t quite comfortable using the washroom with colleagues but have done more of that when out in public or going to airports. I get “sir’d” constantly now and even changed a few of my “points” (e.g., hotel, airline, etc.) to “Mr.” and get called that as well. Almost every night, I met up with about 4-12 of my colleagues in one room or another. We had a few drinks (it’d kill the swine flu, I tells ya); a few cigars; and a lot of war stories. I got asked a few questions, shown a lot of support and good laughter. I guess it was a form of bonding with my colleagues (many who want to do co-teaches with me, especially in Vegas — apparently they’d lied; it doesn’t stay in Vegas — LOL).

I know there are a few who probably weren’t sure of what had happened to me and aren’t too sure how to ask (they were being polite or PC, not sure which). And for those folks it may be necessary to do an email to colleagues. I think that this week I’ll be working on that email and send it out (assuming HR is ok with it). I’ll probably put a huge line at the bottom that says something along the lines that I’m ok with pretty much any question being asked to me directly but to remember that I’m not like other trans individuals and not to assume that others will answer those questions.

It was weird today. For some reason I wish I could call my mom and tell her, excitedly, about all my successes. But then I remembered I can’t. Many choices in life I do not regret .. except one: my last words to my mom two years prior to her death. It doesn’t change the fact that she was killed unnecessarily  nor does it change the history we had (both good and bad). But as I travel further down my Buddhist path, I’m becoming more aware of the power of karma (karma is neither good nor bad, it just is the effect of actions) and the importance of lessening the suffering, no matter how small, on ourselves and others.

Anyways, I do believe that I am proof of a few things. It is possible to transition on the job with little or few objections by employer, employees and customers. I am also proof, I suspect, of white privilege and specifically, male white privilege. I work in a male dominanted industry and one that is highly white dominanted (for all the wrong reasons, IMO). It is stuff like that which frustrates me since I cannot figure out how to change things (at least not just yet).  It will be interesting to see if my salary changes at the next performance review (it should — not based on gender but rather all the things I’m doing and will be doing over the next 6 months).

ACLU, you can kiss..

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, LGBTQ, transgender, Traveling/Work .

Seriously. I travel. A LOT! I usually have at least one trip a month but it’s not unusual for me to be gone for a couple of weeks at a time. I have a nice, up-to-date passport with a little L-1 visa on it and my gender marker with birth date and such. So far, I haven’t had too much issue (white privilege yet again) and am still in the beginning stages of my transition. I’ve contemplated the gender marker stuff but have decided to leave it for now since Ontario’s laws in regards to it will require me to do many leaps and bounds that I’m just not agile enough for at this point. So imagine my shock when I read this article on CNN. The part that intrigued me was this:

Under the program, Secure Flight, travelers will be asked to provide their full name, date of birth and gender when making airline reservations. The encrypted information will then be transmitted to the Transportation Security Administration, which will run it against the watch lists. The Department of Homeland Security believes the few pieces of additional information will dramatically reduce the number of people falsely identified as being on a watch list.

Currently, individual airlines compare the names on manifests with the no-fly and selectee lists. Their performance has been uneven, according to the Transportation Security Administration. Chertoff says having the government do the matching should improve efficiency and security.

The ACLU welcomed the privacy protections in the program, but Barry Steinhardt, director of the ACLU’s Technology and Liberty Program, said it is based on “a hopelessly bloated watch list that has over a million names on it.”

I highlighted the relevant part. For most people this isn’t a big deal. But for a transgendered/transsexual person (particularly if they are transitioning and have a dislike about their bio-gender), this can be unpleasant and demeaning. What happens when I present fully as male but look female? Does this mean I’ll be put on the watch list?

Don’t get me wrong. I understand and totally can appreciate the need for security measures. As a security geek, I wholly understand the need for this. But what I’ve found more powerful, if you truly want to protect a nation or other large entity isn’t this kind of profiling (and it’s another form of profiling, let’s be real), is the ability to make your average participant aware of what things to look for. A terrorist is generally someone who is extremely disgruntled with the world, particularly the government and is willing to sacrifice their life for it. They could be the Michigan Militia or Al-Qaeda. They are primarily male and largely disenfranchised with the world at large. They have probably tried other methods of dealing with their frustrations but were either ignored or demeaned in the process. There is no religious, race or gender identification that can truly tell you who is a terrorist and who isn’t.  The US, who continues to go on about one’s ability to challenge what a government says, has put on it’s “terror lists” individuals who do just that. Case in point: William Poole (he was charged with being a “terrorist” because he wrote a short fiction piece that had zombies taking over his high school).

So this latest attempt to ensure we have the “right people” on the list — and the ACLU’s “okie dokies” on it — just smacks again of cisprivilege and white privilege. If the US really wants to stop terrorists, stop giving them a reason to want to do things to the US. Show the world what the US really has to offer in the way of benefits and better lifestyle. Make it welcoming to those that come from afar and be considerate of others in their “homes”. When I had queried my therapist about the fact that I still run into “culture shock” here in the US and that there was something unique about NYC, she pointed out the “familial” attitude that many NYers seem to have. This idea that we’re all in it together and have a shared experience in that sense. Ya know what: we need to extend that “familia” kind of attitude elsewhere. With family you accept them as they are and for the difference that they present. Even if it is different than your own.

So, shame on you, ACLU, for allowing the possibility of cis-privilege to occur. You just made my life potentially more annoying.

Mooooooooo — or the joys of traveling.

Posted on by Posted in Traveling/Work .

It’s a wonder I don’t respond to questions with “mooooo” these days.

I spend a better portion of my month on the road because of requirements of work. I teach courses about my company’s software products and I have a specialty for one product. In fact, I’m one of 3 instructors that teach it. As a result, it’s not unusual for me to spend a fair amount of time on the road. And, even more time, it seems, in the air. So I’ve begun to learn how to benefit from that travel but there is still some things I have no control over it — specifically, the life of being cattle in the economy class. For example, if the planes packed, get an aisle seat or, if you want window stick with ones where there are only two seats in the row. Three across can be annoying, more so when you’re in the middle seat.

I mean, who gets the arm rest if you’re in the middle?? But to make it even more fun is the challenge of the size of seats. The average seat for most airlines, for their economy class, is about 17-17.2 inches (as per Seat Guru). The average “seat” for most adults these days is about 35-39 inches. That means one needs a seat of 17-20 inches. So either you just fit or you “overflow”. And a lot of us, myself included, kinda “overflow”.  It’s neat trying to fight with the arm rest while it pinches the nerves in your upper hip.

Then there is the challenge of leg room, or rather, the lack thereof. The only way you can stretch your legs effectively and keep them from completely falling asleep is to walk in the aisle. But with the “pleasant weather” of late, pilots are keeping seat belt signs on more often (for obvious safety reasons). The downside of this, especially on a 5+ hour flight is that it really can hurt the back. Worse when it’s a “moo plane”. I always try to prepare for this before getting on the plane by taking advantage of walking around the airport.

I actually enjoy it — except for the 50lb laptop bag. That’s never fun but at least I can use it to strengthen my shoulders, neck and arms (biceps and triceps). I usually have to anyways because of a lack of vegan food on the plane (chips really aren’t it). Looking for a salad, soup or other simple foods is really hard sometimes. Apparently everything must include dead flesh in it, even something as simple as a salad. Ya know, veggies and fruits aren’t that bad — especially raw? So I usually find some nuts, sunflower seeds or something like that with some water to enjoy on the plane and wait until after checking in at the hotel to find something more substantial, like pasta and tomato sauce.

So the recent trip to Vegas, at times, felt like this. Although I did get in more walking than I had anticiapted since I was able to enjoy it with friends but it was all good. In fact, it was kinda needed. We ate at some pretty nice restaurants and ate well. One of the best was Delmonico, an Emile Lagasse restaurant. The staff went out of their way to ensure that all the food I ate was vegan. They warned me about the bread having butter in it and that the roasted potatoes were done in duck fat. They had encouraged my carniverous friends to have side dishes (that were shared by all) were vegan (steamed asparagus and oil-sauteed mushrooms). I ended having a pasta dish with smoked tomato sauce and grilled veggies. Very good indeed. And worth every penny.

Afterwords, we enjoyed some fine cigars at Case Fuentes, one of the premiere cigar manufacturers. I finally got to experience an Opus X Fuentes Fuentes. I enjoyed it with a nice mojito and great conversation. It allowed me to stop mooing for a bit and enjoy the trip some.
And that truly is the trick: get outside the plane, the hotel and walkabout. That will stave off those feelings of mooing. Oh, and if that fails, remember this: you’re not alone in it and might as well enjoy the ride — such as it is.

Moooooooo…