A Life about Transition

After doing some research I think I found one of the keys to a decent vegan mayo recipe: safflower oil and proportion. This, at least, creates a creamy vegan mayo. I’m still trying to figure out how to make a thicker version but for now this is actually pretty good. One of the important factor is the ratio of about 2.25 parts of oil to 1 part soy milk (unsweetened, non-flavoured kind). Basically, my recipe is this:

1/2 cup of unsweetened, unflavoured organic soy milk
1 1/2 cups of safflower oil
2 tbsp of apple cider vinger
2 tbsp fine sugar (avoid using raw sugar or other larger sugar types as they will not disintegrate properly)
3/4 tsp of mustard powder
3/4 tsp of sea salt
1/2 cup of extra firm silken tofu
pinch of cajun spice (optional — or other spice; fresh chopped garlic also good alternative)

Make sure the soy milk is chilled. I suspect this helps thicken the mixture even more. Add the milk to a blender or food processor and blend it well. It should be rather “frothy”. S-L-O-W-L-Y add the oil. This may take upwards of 10-15 minutes to do but it helps ensure that the oil is blended thoroughly with the milk. Stop the blender/processor and carefully scrap the sides down. Add the vinager, sugar, mustard and sea salt. Blend all of those with the liquid. Once thoroughly blended, chop up the tofu, add it to the mixture and blend until smooth and creamy. At this point, the mayo is ready for serving. Store your mayo in a mason jar and mark when it was made. I suspect it’ll last (if not eaten too quickly) for about 7-10 days in the fridge. If you want it to have a “kick”, make the last ingredient mixed in (after the tofu) your spice of choice. You can also stir this in afterwards to make a creamy dip for things like chips, veggies, etc. This also makes a nice alternative to soy spread on things like toast and/or in sandwiches.
Enjoy!

I have to admit being scared. If I lose my job, I have to leave the US. And I have really no home to go to. I have up-to-eyeball debt and basically, suspect, that if the worst happened, I’d end up on the streets. Not really an option I want to think about. I probably could crash with a relative but I don’t want to do that. It wouldn’t be fair to them and would be yet another admission that I can’t look after myself in some fashion or another. The company just announced some restrictions including no raises, less travel, etc. For me personally, next year will be a year of cutting back. Since the new year is only a few weeks away, makes sense to put some notes in place for next year.

Resolutions/plans for 2009:

1. Cut back on cigar purchases to 2-5 cigars a month

2. eat in more often

3. gifts no more than $20/person

4. no junk food or soft drink purchases

5.  cut back on how much food is purchased

6. cancel gym membership (done as of today)

7. cancel warcraft membership

8. no friviolous purchases and buy 2nd hand were possible

9. cancel TV (K is doing this one)

10. pay off as much debt as I can.

It will require will power and it may mean holding off on name change and other things for a bit. I suspect it may mean the green card option won’t be possible for another year or so under the company so I may need to look for an option myself. One of the things that bodes well for me is that I have some specialized knowledge and it may keep me employed with the company for the time that is “scary”.

I also won’t be stopping my transition but I’m hoping that I’ll have the benefits and be able to do what I need to move forward. The most important thing I can do is be realistic while still being hopeful. Realistic means cutting back on expenses I don’t need. Magazine subscriptions, etc. are not needed and will be considered extraneous. I’m also going to hold off on vacations for another year or two. Perhaps then things will be better and it won’t be as scary.

One can hope, eh?

Today, on IFC, they were showing Bowling for Columbine. This Michael Moore documentary was an interesting look at the gun culture of the US. But it reminded me more of the differences between Canada and the US in general. When I first watched it a few years ago, it left me with an impression of a society that has very strict divisions of society as well as a “culture of fear”. And now, after living in the US for the past year, I find that it’s not that far off.

One of the things I noticed the most was how the media was done. Part of my work background is that of a computer and security expert/writer. One of the things that most are aware of is the fact that FUDing (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt) does more harm than good. When people are in a constant state of fear and have uncertainty about that induces a huge amount of distrust in the work place and in general life. The reality is that our society needs some sense of trust somewhere.

We always hear questions about whether we trust the government but the question I’d be asking is: how much do you trust the person sitting next to you? Thanks to the mass media (i.e., news, movies, tv shows, talk shows, etc.) we have been taught to fear each other. I find this odd since most Americans I’ve met are really friendly and willing to help. There is an inner desire within each of us that is prevelant, I believe, to help others in need. It’s unfortunate that society has turn that ability to help into something bad or perceived as bad.

We’ve allowed others to decide for us what is “right” and what is “wrong” rather than going through the experience of getting to know one another and creating connections. In Canada, this exists as well but to a limited degree. It’s interesting that most of our “fears” actually were derived from and about the US rather than about other Canadians. I suspect it’s part of why there is such a huge push to have “Canadian only” or “mostly Canadian” content on TV, movies and elsewhere plus a large import from other nations (most notably, the BBC and France). But it’s more than that. There is something in Canadian culture that suggests we trust our neighbours more.

And although we trust our neighbours more, we want to learn even less about them compared to Americans. Many people stereotype Americans as nosy and loud. I suppose you could look at it that way but from my experience it’s more that Americans have a geniune curiosity about those around them, wanting to learn and offering an opinion about what they learn. There is a built in desire there to be part of something more than just their own lives. If we could remove the built up fear about the unknown, you probably wouldn’t see as much poverty, full equal rights for all and tolerance towards all who are different from ourselves.

And although Michael Moore’s piece was somewhat shocking (I can’t help but shake my head at the thought of a bank giving out a gun when you open an account and having 500+ guns in the vault — that, to me, is an invite to rob), in the time I’ve been year I’ve yet to see one gun. I totally respect people’s rights to have them as long as they are smart about them (proper training, storage and usage).

Basically, long winded way of me saying I like my new host country and consider it a second home for me.

Rah. Rah. Rah.

Fight Prop 8.

Rah. rah.

Yanno. I just can’t get into it. I’ve been trying to figure out why and what is it about it that turns me off. Maybe it’s my own dislike of marriage as solely a financial contract or that it’s viewed as only between two people. What if there was someone that K and I both loved and wanted to marry? It isn’t going to be allowed. In fact, I don’t know of anywhere where multi-partnered marriage is allowed. That’s not the point. And, in fact, that’s not the issue. It’s great that there are so many voices clamoring over this injustice of not being allowed to say vows. It really is.

But.. I get this feeling that only mainstream issue that affect the LGB are examined and that anyone else is ignored. There’s so much hype done about same-sex marriage but everyone ignores the fact that a transwoman, who was seeking justice, got murdered. Why wasn’t there an outcry by the community over her? Is it because she’s not cisgendered and a POC that she doesn’t deserve attention? All those couples who wanted to get married are still there. They get to walk on, march on and chant. There is a swell of idealism.

Or maybe it’s because she was “troubled”? Because she didn’t fit the ideal of a “person” that she doesn’t matter? She wasn’t white? She doesn’t get to chant, walk or march on. She gets added to the wall of Transgender Day of Remembrance.  And then forgotten for a year. She doesn’t matter. She was just a trans POC. She was a nobody as far as the LGB are concerned.

Oh, wait, right. I’ve forgotten. It’s all about the privilege white LGB. They are the only ones who matter apparently because they have been so “wronged” in the past. Their lives face so much hardship and uncertainty because they have their homes with their jobs and they have the right to go forth to be heard. The LGB have protections in law to ensure they are not discriminated against. They can easily fight and get support for what they fight. Duanna had no one but herself. And she stood up and said no more. She took a chance. And it cost her the very life she stood up for.

She matters.

Make her matter as much as the privilege of marriage matters.

I cannot speak for trans POC. I cannot imagine the fight that has to be done to right the injustices of the past. I was born with privilege and will be afforded even more privilege when my medical transition is done. I will be granted the ultimate of privileges, that of a perceived white man. For all my wants to be viewed as me, it is one thing I do not want. But I know I will get it. And it seems so unfair when I hear from trans POC around me and what they face. But I will say that she deserves far more respect than what the LGBT community is giving her. Right now, she’s being ignored in favour of privilege of a few. And to me, that’s just wrong.

I know that many won’t care and no matter how much I rant (although I’m having difficulty today articulating it well) and rage it won’t make a difference. But perhaps we need to focus on the lives being lost by those trying to be themselves. Everyone matters, not just the privileged white.

The Tennesee Transgender Political Association is looking for donations to help cover her funeral costs. Even if it’s only $5 please make a donation. And speak out. Do not let her murder go unnoticed in this world. Please.

Rah.

Note: Kudos to Jack for putting together a more eloquant piece than me on this.