Going beyond transition

A Month Later

Posted on June 21, 2011 by Linus Posted in fitness, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

It’s been a month since the surgery. A lot of the swelling has gone down and it’s nice to not have to wear a binder any more. That said, however, I’m still sleeping on the Lazy Boy simply because I’m less likely to roll on my sides. And since I still have a bit of swelling on my sides, it’s safer and easier for me to sleep on my “back” while in the Lazy Boy. The doc says it’ll be another couple of weeks before that swelling is completely down.

The weather is getting warmer here in Los Angeles. I was surprised how much I finally am ok with what I see in the mirror (although I’d like to get rid of my beer gut). I still can’t do full exercise but I have been trying to walk the dogs at least once a day for about 30 min. I’m hoping that I might be able to do some simple pushups, situps and simple free weight exercises in a couple of weeks. And then after a series of business meetings in the San Fran area, I’m hoping to get back into running and cycling again.

One of the things I’d really like to do is barefoot running but I probably won’t since I’m a bit of a wuss and fear cutting my feet (even though I know that with barefoot running, it can be easier to address those kinds of injuries). At the least, I’d like to do minimalist running — much like I did last summer in NYC. I truly enjoyed it and might even consider doing a 5K in the fall if I’m consistent enough with the running. To that end I’m probably going to start getting up earlier. Say around 4-5ish so that I can run/bike earlier without interfering with my work day. If I’m not teaching, that’d give me a couple of hours to do what I need. And then later in the afternoon I can do things like the situps/pushups and/or weight stuff.

I’m not sure about my bike trip for next year given what I’ve seen of people’s driving behaviours here in L.A. I still want to do it but I think I need to investigate some things more. In particular, I do need to read on other’s experience on doing this trip. It’s consider intermediate to expert. My biggest concern is timing and whether I will have enough time — 30 or so days, including weekends — to bike from Vancouver to Los Angeles. It’s the part of going over the mountains and the like that may slow it down. I may decide to avoid the issue of the border and start in Seattle instead of Vancouver. Then again, I may just push the trip back a year. One of the challenges is that I didn’t think that the recovery would take this long. I had planned on a few weeks (3-4) but more realistically, I’m looking at 2-3 months in total before I’m fully recovered. I still want to bike from L.A. to San Diego and back again over a two day period.

Anyways, on top of all that I’ve had my performance review and that went well. I’m still waiting to see what’s happening in regards to the green card. I was pleasantly surprised when my HR department started the process for me without me probing for it. I’m hopeful that it will come through and make somewhat easier for me here in the US. I wanted to take some Spanish courses at a local community college but they require that I live at least a year in California before I can apply. So I’ll be waiting until this fall before starting basic Spanish. In the meantime, I can — at the least — finally try for my driver’s license. It’s been at least 20 years since I last tried and while L.A. drivers on the freeways are scary, I think I could handle regular street traffic. I think I’ll look into AAA membership and see about taking one of their defensive driving classes.

Anyways, that’s the update so far. Life is definitely good right now.

Transition update

Posted on May 24, 2011 by Linus Posted in transition .

So, I’m on my way to recovery. Before I get into the nitty-gritty I want to say up-front that this particular step is something I’ve always wanted done for a variety of reasons not necessarily tied to my transsexed journey. I have thought about this since I was about 7-8 years old and the decision to finally do it was still with great thought. I learned about procedures, realistic expectations and benefits as well as dangers (there are always risks with any surgery). I don’t think I’ll get too graphic but if I do, consider this your warning.

So since I began this journey I had been contemplating having, what is referred to in the FTM community as “top surgery”. Basically the removal of my breasts in female design and reconstructing my chest to be more masculine. This means reducing breast tissue, fat and nipple size. For smaller chested trans guys this can be done with two incisions just below the armpits (known as a ” peri”). Since I’m not small (and as the doc pointed out I have a decent sized keg) he would do a double-mastectomy along with a little lipoprotein under the armpit.

That surgery I had yesterday. It took about 3 hours and I went home after enough of the anesthesia wore off. I spent most of the sleeping on and off in my new lazy boy (they are an awesome company) and basically subsisting on water, crackers, bland toast and apple sauce. K was home to help me with the drains. With this surgery there is a fluid buildup of blood and other liquids and the drains have to be emptied regularly. once the fluid stops or becomes clear the drains can be removed. That happened today and I finally got to see my new chest.

Although swollen, it looked awesome. He did say that a lot of my upper back pain will likely be gone as a result of the surgery and that is something I’m definitely looking forward to. I go back in about two weeks to see how my new nipples (men’s nipples are smaller and placed wider on the chest than women’s).

He said I’d be swollen for a little while but that will go. Apparently I “lost” 5lbs as a result of the surgery and that I won’t have a perfectly chiseled chest as it’d look odd against my beer gut LOL but I’m happy nonetheless. I’m off for the week and I think I hear the call of the Horde and some steam punk novels. 🙂

May 2nd and losing my right to vote

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Linus Posted in Politics .

I thought I’d take a break from my trip write-up to talk about something that has annoyed me since I found out about it. I missed the last election because I didn’t know about it. And by the time I knew, it was too late to send in my ballot. This time, I was far faster on the ball. However, I did find out that this will be my last election to vote in unless Elections Canada changes their policy.

Right now, Elections Canada states the following for those Canadians voting outside of Canada (bold added by me):

Canadians who will be 18 years of age or older on polling day and are temporarily residing outside Canada may vote by special ballot in an election or referendum. They must have resided in Canada at any time before applying for registration, have been residing outside Canada for less than five consecutive years immediately before making the application and intend to resume residence in Canada.

The five-year limit does not apply to:

electors who are employed outside Canada in federal or provincial public administration or people living with them

electors who are employed outside Canada by an international organization of which Canada is a member and to which Canada contributes, or people living with them

electors living with members of the Canadian Forces outside Canada or with civilians who are teachers or members of the administrative support staff for a Canadian Forces school

Now, what’s interesting about this is that it contradicts something found in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, namely this paragraph under “Democratic Rights” (italics mine):

Democratic rights of citizens

3. Every citizen of Canada has the right to vote in an election of members of the House of Commons or of a legislative assembly and to be qualified for membership therein.

Now, I still am a Canadian. Even if I get US Citizenship, I want to remain a Canadian. As Trudeau stated in the 70s, “Once a Canadian, always a Canadian”. But apparently, this isn’t good enough for Elections Canada. Why do government employees get the right to vote if they’ve been abroad for 5+ years but I lose mine? Did I just not become Canadian? Does the Charter only get paid attention to when it serves someone?

What kills me is that this law/ruling by Elections Canada has been on the books for nearly two decades! This means it’s been acceptable even if it violated the Charter. And apparently no one is willing to take it to court because of the cost. While the Canadian Civil Liberties Association is looking into it, I have doubts that they will truly do so as they are more interested in G8/G20 violations (certainly valid) over basic rights of Canadians. It’s very frustrating.

So Canadians, as you cast your ballots shortly today, revel in it. Revel in being Canadian where you have many parties to vote for; where debate is done civilly, intelligently and with a lot of “ehs” thrown in; enjoy the fact that you can vote now. Because apparently, Elections Canada can violate the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, that very thing that we take pride in having that so many nations do not.

Perhaps we are not as much of a democracy as we thought we were.*

*I submitted this to the Toronto Star. I doubt it’ll make it but who knows. All I know is that I’m sadden and embarrassed by this. Take some time and sign the petition here: http://www.letcanadiansvote.com/ It’s interesting to note that Canada is one of the few places that puts a limitus on voting rights like this, unlike the 97 nations found listed here.

Singapore: the city-state to shop-til-you-drop

Posted on April 27, 2011 by Linus Posted in transgender, Traveling/Work .

Singapore at night (view from Conrad Singapore Hotel)

After the weekend in Sydney, we did our teaches and then left on April 9th for Singapore. Since my flight wasn’t until the late afternoon, I headed down to the Canadian Consulate to drop off my form to vote in the upcoming federal election in Canada (May 2nd). I have quite a bit to say on that and will in another post but right now, Elections Canada needs to change a policy. Otherwise, I lose my right to vote. Anyways, Sydney was definitely interesting and I have to say that I like Australian Rules Rugby. Definitely faster and more impactful than American or Canadian football. Even hockey pales a bit in comparison.

Lamborghini outside the hotel

I had flown Qantas to Sydney and used it to fly to Singapore, a flight that was 8 hours long. It’s definitely far more enjoyable than most North American flights. Now as some of you may know, Singapore culture is more strict and yet, more open. Sex and showing affection doesn’t seem that prevalent although one needs to be careful about the area that one goes to as there is a thriving prostitution trade. English is the first language but many people come from other Asian countries like Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. looking for a better life (36% of the population is made up of “foreigners”). Interestingly, prostitution is legal and prostitutes are required to get health checks but propositions of sex is technically illegal. Additionally, Singapore still uses caning as a form of corporal punishment. I, personally, was on extra good behaviour and wanted to ensure I didn’t violate any laws along the way because I didn’t want to find out how pain that particular activity would have been. That said, Singapore still maintains one of the strictest drug laws:

Say no to drugs or else!

Now, Singapore is vastly more expensive than other cities we visited and it showed in the goods that were for sale. We even got to see a store that was selling a watch for $105,000 USD — and there were no security guards or the like. Expensive cars were the norm there including this one to the above. It seemed like everything was expensive in Singapore. As I had mentioned to a colleague, it wasn’t high on my list of places to visit because it struck me as one giant shopping mall. And it definitely lived up to that reputation.

The "Boat Hotel" (it has a pool, bar and restaurant on the "boat")

But it wasn’t just that. The hotels were in competition with each other and with Dubai. There seemed to be this desire to build the highest and most outrageous hotels around. There is actually a taller hotel than the one to the right and another being built to be even more spectacular than this one. Going up is big for Singapore, a place that has a density of 7000+ people per square km (compared to the meager 3.4 people per square km that Canada has!) One thing for sure, however, no matter how humid you may say where you live is you’ve never experienced humidity like Singapore. Every day of the year is at least 80% and the temp never seems to go below 28C/82F — without humidity and early morning. It’s about 35C/95F with the humidity! As we often say in Canada, it’s not the heat — it’s the humidity. I think that should be the motto for Singapore.

One of the students did take us, on the night before we left for Beijing, to the local market and got some durian.

Durian, the King of Fruit

Durian is known as the “King of Fruit”. It’s an interesting fruit to say the least. You’ll pick up on the smell first: very earthy. Now eating it is interesting. He did say that people generally like it or hate it. It’s very creamy in texture and I think I could handle a slice or two each year but beyond that it’d be too much. If you do try durian make sure to get some fresh young coconuts to drink and wash the taste out of your mouth (expect that it will probably stay somewhere in your digestive tract for a day or two). Oh.. and it makes the washroom visits rather.. err.. interesting.

Uh.... Washroom challenges.

Saturday afternoon I headed off for Beijing, very anxious. As a trans person who still has the wrong gender on his passport, visiting places where their cultural and society can make the US Christian Right-Wing look downright socialist is very scary. But, oddly and interestingly enough, I had not one issue. Perhaps a form of male privilege at work?

April 3rd in Sydney, Australia

Posted on April 11, 2011 by Linus Posted in Traveling/Work .

On Sunday, I met up with a friend and he took me to visit the Blue Mountains, specifically the 3 Sisters. Before I met up with him, however, I went to get a massage. I had pulled a butt muscle. It was too much for me so I figured that a massage would help. It did release some of the pain but not all of it. It is always nerve racking to be somewhere and not know what options would be in place to get help. Hopefully it won’t worsen while on the rest of the trip.

Anyways, I took the train out to Penrith. The train system struck me as the same as Toronto’s GO train system. It was relatively cheap at $6 each way. It took about an hour and a half to get there. When I got there, I saw my friend and he took me to his car, which looked like a Bentley with the license plate of “Bling1”.

Neat coffee swirl!

Totally awesome!

We drove along the 32 to Leura where we grabbed a lunch and coffee. We then continued onwards and stopped in a local park where we visited some waterfalls and got to see the canyon (I cannot find the name of it) before reaching the main tourist area to view the Three Sisters area.

Waterfall before the Three Sisters

We hiked through the area and ended up take the “Brides Path”. When we reached the end of it, the view was awe-inspiring. For me, only few places in Canada reach that kind of beauty. What was really interesting was how few other tourists were around us. In fact, we only saw maybe two other people as we walked through the forest.

The 3 Sisters Rock Formations

It was so nice to be in an area where the air was coated in particulates and the only sounds were the Cockatoos squawking at each other. After hiking for a couple of hours, we headed back to the car and headed further up the mountain to the Blue Mountains themselves. At, I believe, Echo Point we found the tourist area but arrived just after the store had closed. But the canyon with the Three Sisters was definitely open. As we walked to the viewing area, I saw Buddhists praying and I could see why, given the beauty and stillness of the area.

The drive back took longer because of construction that reduced the highway to a single lane. On a sunny Sunday, this made it really busy. We got into Sydney around 7:30pm and found a cheap but really good Thai restaurant to have some pad thai (a whole $5AUS — which is about $4.50 USD). He then dropped me off at my hotel and I fell asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

I didn’t get too much time for more touristy stuff for the Monday/Tuesday but on Wednesday my flight wasn’t until the afternoon. My first need was to head to the Canadian Consulate in Sydney to drop off my voter registration so that when I get back I can vote. It was rather rainy but I spent most of my time wandering around bookstores and doing some last minute touristy shopping. I got two official Australian Rugby shirts including a nice “Blacks” one. Australian Rugby is so much more faster than American football and you definitely need to pay attention. I think the next time I go to Australia, I’d like to see a game live.

Wednesday afternoon I took a Qantas flight to Singapore. Although I didn’t sleep on the 8 hour flight, I was thoroughly entertained with all the movie choices. Now, Singapore is very different than Sydney…

Kinda Wordless Wednesday (or maybe not)

Posted on April 5, 2011 by Linus Posted in Traveling/Work .

I’ve been a bit busy with work for these last two days (it’s Wed, April 6 at 7am right now) but I figured before I head off to the Canadian Consulate (apparently we have an election going on so I have to register!), I’d post a quick post about my visit on Saturday and Sunday in Sydney and surrounding areas. So I arrived in Sydney at 730am on the Saturday April 1. I had lost a day and apparently, my butt pulled a muscle in the process. I get into the queue for Customs, answer all their questions, realize I said yes to everything on the Customs Declaration form (e.g., bringing in wild critters, vegetation, etc.), redid the form and got through to get the luggage. I then got into a second queue where they would go through your luggage to ensure you aren’t violating any laws or such. As I waited in the queue a woman came along and asked me if I had any of the offending plant-life or other items. I said no and got a pass to leave the airport.

I headed off in search of a taxi and found one. Apparently the most well-known hotel chain isn’t that well known. I had to give my taxi driver directions to a hotel I had never been too.

Thank god for Google Maps!

I got to the hotel and checked in. It was interesting that my boss had told me that if I had Gold or higher status with Hilton that I’d definitely need to check out the Executive Lounge. I thought I had silver since I got a new card in the mail recently from Hilton that indicated as such.

Nope.

Me in front of the Opera House

I have Gold Status. Although my room wasn’t ready, they did give me a card for access to the Executive Lounge if I wanted to hang out there later in the afternoon. I left my luggage with them and went wondering through Sydney. I walked down to Circular Quay and found a place to have breakfast. Once refreshed, I then headed out to find the infamous Sydney Opera House. It was packed with tourists (big surprise, I know) and once I had seen it (and the bridge, although I never did get a chance to walk it), I decided to head through the Botanical Gardens. One reason was so I could see what was unique in Australia but also I was in a hunt for a cigar. What I didn’t know at the time was that Sydney has enacted even stricter anti-smoking laws than Ontario or California. I can certainly understand some of the reasoning for it but.. well, that’s more for another blog.

Anyways, I decided to head through the Gardens. And oh, what sites (see below):

Fountain near the Opera House

Big Ass tree (the trunk is 4 times as wide as me)

Another Big Ass tree (only about 3 times as wide as me)

Known as Flying Foxes, there are tonnes of these -- and they are ruining the Gardens (so says a plaque)

Once I had walked around enough in aimless searching, I decided to head back to the hotel. When I got there, the room was nearly done and so I headed up to the Executive Lounge to check it out. Free snacks, water, soda and juice with a view of the city that was incredible. I got into my room and was treated to a small but well designed room. And once my luggage arrived, my first thing to do was take a nice, long hot shower. Never had that felt so good.

I did a quick email check and then headed out to wander some more, this time in search of dinner. I nearly ended up in Sydney’s Chinatown but found a nice little place called the Pepper Lunch for a cheap but good dinner. I was intrigue by the things that looked familiar (e.g., Hungry Jack’s logo is actually the same as Burger King but a copyright name conflict prevented them from using “Burger King” as the name) and yet, were so different. The one thing that is apparent is that Sydney is truly a melange of Asia with accents and dialects of various languages from all over.

I managed to arrange to meet up with a colleague the following day so I figured time for bed…

More later (I’m seriously going to have to catch up soon or I’ll miss stuff!)

The 3 Sisters

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Linus Posted in Uncategorized .

The 3 Sisters Rock Formations

March 31 takeoff, April 2nd landing

Posted on April 2, 2011 by Linus Posted in Traveling/Work .

To say that I’m excited is an understatement. I turn 41 today. In some ways, this is a very scary prospect. I’ve achieved middle-age and as we all know, one doesn’t get younger (yes, an obvious statement but still, sometimes we need to say it)

Way at the back of the plane

Today I go on my first international flight since I was 9 years old (and I traveled alone then too!). I remember flying Lufthansa to Germany to visit my step-father’s parents. Times have changed for international flying.

The takeoff had to be the longest takeoff I’ve ever experienced. And to make it more fun I decided to take an aisle seat at the back of the plane. The very back — row 88, the last one. The plus is that I’m beside the washroom and the self-service bar. The downside is that I’m near the washroom and the self-service bar. I did take some melatonin and a sleeping aid in hopes of snooozing through the maority of the flight. I’m avoiding caffeine as much as can so that I won’t stay up. I’m also drinking more water.

Because of the height this plane ends up at (nearly 39,000+ feet), the humidity is way low and thus, water is something that I will constantly want to have.

I did luck out, however. Even though I’m in coach/economy/cattle car, the plane isn’t full and I have an empty seat beside me so I stretch and don’t to worry about someone crawling all over me.

LOL. The pilot came on to tell us to change our watche to Australian time and that apparently they will go back Sunday morning.

So I lose a day but gain an hour.

Did I mention that it was exciting?

Oddly enough, I did manage to get some sleep.

More later…

An update (finally!)

Posted on March 24, 2011 by Linus Posted in Finances, fitness, transition, Traveling/Work .

I know. I know.

I’m way late for updates. I have to admit work has been busy and I’ve been focused on that recently. It also had me traveling a bit so that added more to my challenges. It’s been fun being able to go to a variety of places for work. Recently, I’ve been to Orlando, Austin, Minneapolis (that gets almost as cold as Ottawa!) and San Jose. And now, I get ready for my most fun trip yet: Sydney, Singapore and Beijing! I’m truly excited about this and buying extra flash cards for the cameras (I’m going to bring both my Powershot and my Canon DSLR with me). I’ve managed to add in a few extra days in Sydney and Beijing to try to do some touristy stuff. Basically, I get 3-4 days in each city (2 days of teaching and 1 day of travel). What will be interesting is how being a transsexual might be viewed or challenged on these trips. I’ve gotten oks for travel for Sydney and Singapore (Australia requires a visa and Singapore I don’t need one) but Beijing is the one that worries me the most. I’m waiting for that one to return an ok on my visa (along with passport and my H1-B visa). I should know by tomorrow.

I finished my taxes early and because of my move and the way that my pay got changed, I’m getting a sweet tax return. Because of this (and some money I had set aside for what I thought I would have to pay) I’m probably going to get a new MacBook Pro for myself along with a couple of other computers (so I can build a home lab environment). And, finally going to do something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time: top surgery. Even as a kid, having “moobs” was never something I liked. I just had no connection to them. I went to a couple of consults, asked a tonne of questions and finally decided on a surgeon. I put down a deposit of $500. I’m hoping that insurance will cover some of it (if it’s 50% or more, I’d be thrilled but any amount is better than nothing).

For me, this is the step I want most. Once done, I will decide afterwards if I want any bottom surgery beyond a hysterectomy (I want that simply because of the risk of cancer increases as I continue to take T and if I get that surgery, then my dosage can be reduced). I so want a summer where I don’t have to wear a binder — and perhaps even go topless. I still have my big bike trip for next year planned, although I need to get my training plan back into some kind of order. I’d like to be able to do this without wearing a binder.

Speaking of health, the training plan got shelved a bit after I threw out my back something fierce (sitting, standing or lying down was painful). I’ve finally got to a chiropractor and have been getting regular treatment to address this long term. The surgeon I saw said that likely this surgery will help with my back pain as he feels I’m overly “top heavy”. I suspect he’s right since I’ve had upper back pain all my life.

In other health fronts, we’ve been wavering on our eating and our vegan lifestyle. This is something that I definitely want to get back to. I have found that when I’m just vegetarian I feel listless and tired but when I’m vegan, particularly raw vegan, I have more energy, focus and direction. I think I need to re-read “The China Study” and re-watch “Earthlings” to remind me of the things I do not want to do and why I don’t want to do it.

Overall, I have to say that my transition has been amazing for me. There is one thing, however, that still saddens me and that is the loss of my dad. He’s around but just doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. In some ways, I understand why (he’s a very right-wing Catholic) but it’s still a bit sad. I suppose since we never really had contact when I was growing up it’s not that big of a deal for me (I’d be more devastated if my aunts, uncles and/or my grandmother refused to speak to me) but still..

Ah well… so that’s all my news for now. I’ll probably do some updates when I’m on the road over the next few weeks (I, oddly enough, leave on my 41st birthday — a week from today!) as I suspect it should make for some interesting reading.

Life in California.. ain’t that bad, really.

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Linus Posted in fitness, Life .

I’ve definitely got to say that I’m enjoying the California weather. It occurred to me today as I biked down to and along the Strand that normally I wouldn’t experience this kind of nice weather in Canada until say mid-May or early June. It was a perfectly sunny day with little wind. And I’ve now found the perfect route to get there without trudging up and down this one huge hill that I had been doing before. Granted it adds about 2KM each way but that’s fine. It’ll make my usual ride about 42KM instead of 38KM. For now I’m still using my beater single speed bike but I will have to get back on my proper touring bike at some point (it did get a nice tune-up so I should actually ride it).

It’s interesting living here in Southern California. K had asked me recently if I like it and I have to say that I do. It’s weird but the small suburb that we live in feels somewhat like a small city. It’s hard to imagine that we belong to one of the more populated cities in the US. For example, last night I took the pugs out on a walk. It was a pleasant warm night with little breeze. We take the same path as many other dog walkers, cyclists and runners do. At one point I stopped and looked up. I could clearly see and identify the Little and Big Dippers. This was something I couldn’t do in Toronto nor NYC. (When I lived in Burlington, I could do it when I walked along Lake Ontario). I imagine that come summertime I’ll be able to see even more stars in the summer sky.

Back to the cycling. If it wasn’t for work, I’d bet I could do in a year here what would normally take me 3-4 years to do in Toronto. I’m kinda excited about that. I still have to venture out farther and I need to figure out where in San Diego I want to stay. I’ve found the path I want to take to get down there but I do want to find a place to stay overnight. I was pondering camping but the choices seem limited and the KOA prices are a tad high for a tent (sans car). I mean, at $50 a night I might as well go for a cheap hotel at $100 — especially since it would be only one night. Right now, my bigger challenge is all the travelling I’ve been and will be doing for work. At the end of the month I go to Austin, come back for a weekend and then will be off to Orlando for about 11 days. And then I have two weeks of online teaching (although that means early start with early finish so I could bike once class is done).

In other fronts, K got me World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. I so want to play but with it taking 25GB of space (!!!) it’s a bit much for this system. And I really do need to get my own computer again. I’ve been debating between getting a Mac or a PC (I love my work Mac Book Pro). And then to add more challenge to it, debating on laptop vs desktop. I like the laptop option as it means I could be outside playing but the desktop option allows for more customization. Then again, who am I kidding? I tend to be the one who gets it maxed out and nothing to customize anyways. I may just go for a MacBook Pro and get the iPad 2 when it’s finally released. Certainly my wireless is decent enough. I think it’s actually faster than the cable connections I had in NYC or Toronto. Anyways, that will probably wait until after tax season. I’ve had some money set aside for taxes but I may not need all of it (I over-estimated what I owe on some stocks I cashed). That’s a “to be reviewed later” pile.

The one thing I will need to do is figure out if I can get top surgery finally. My insurance is definitely one that will cover it; I just need to find a doctor that is, ideally, within network. This whole in and out of network stuff is the stuff I hate. I’d rather just go to a doctor I’m comfortable with, regardless of anything else, and use them. Meh. Anyways, I think on my next visit I’ll ask her if she can recommend anyone for the surgery and if so, I’ll check them out to see if they can get it covered under the insurance. Then I’ll just need a letter from her and I probably could get a letter from my old NYC doc to get the insurance company to cover it (as long as it’s deemed a medical necessity they will cover it). I’ve reached a point where binders are becoming annoying and I know once I really get into the cycling I won’t want to where those any more. Even now I find it too constricting but I also, at the same time, feel rather self conscious of it.

It’s a weird thing that I’ve noticed that as I continue further in, my gender dysphoria is increasing and I’m more aware of the slight difference. Most people seem to ignore the F on the passport (still my only ID — given the work schedule I don’t know when I’ll be able to finally get lessons for driving) and refer to me as Mr or Sir but for me, personally, it’s becoming a health issue (back pain and interferes at times with workouts and such) and something I need to get addressed. Fingers crossed that this year will finally be the year.

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