Fall Off the Wagon.. and then tumbling down the cliff.

Cross-posted entry from FrugalVillage.com

Ever have those huge falling off the wagon moments and then tumble off the cliff in the process? I’ve been going through that lately. I’m not sure why other than that feeling I could do it. In reality there are really only two things that will cause me to do that: deals on cigars (bad, I know!) and bicycling (good stuff!) deals. I can say that I looked for the deals and deals that were 45% or more deep as well as questioned myself repeatedly to whether I really needed it versus wanted. There were a few things I didn’t get. But it was still excess spending.

Now I will admit that having a good cigar now and again with a cold beer is relaxing. And since cigars keep it’s not a bad thing. A single box could easily last a year, especially good ones. So a few deals later and … eep. Definitely not good.

The other thing is bicycling. Now I haven’t done it in a while but a recent doctor’s visit reminded me to get off my fat ass (and yes, it’s grown 🙁 ) Reality is I did this to myself by plopping down in front of the computer, eating like I used to when I cycled 30-100 miles a day every day and then not moving at all.  Being vegan has an advantage of ensuring that even with laziness my bad cholesterol is still good (135?) but my good cholesterol is too low (36). Between my good cholesterol being too low and my blood pressure being a bit high (130/86) it’s an indication from my body that I need to move. I used to have 124/82 or thereabouts. Part of this is the testosterone I’m taking but reality is that it’s just a sign of laziness. So today I went for a 30 min ride at 5:30am. I prefer starting the day with exercise as it gets me going and gets me into a routine, something I need. And although it wasn’t a huge ride, it’s enough to get started with. I now have a simple route that I’m going to use for the next few weeks to get my cycling legs back (riding once a day 5-6 days a week).

Of course, I couldn’t find my gloves or my bike shorts so I made do but felt weird on the bike. First thing I did when I got back was order new gloves, new shorts, heart monitor and so on. It was a splurge but one thing about cycling gear is that it does last a few years. I think I misplaced my older gear and I know that most of it was when I was thinner (about 60lbs thinner).

I do admit feeling better about the cycling. And if I continue like I did in 2003-2005, I could create the same habits. For some reason my cycling depressed my urge to spend (maybe spending is a sign of depression or “blues” and ties in with eating?). So, I’m gonna try again. I know I can do this, I just have to stay focused on this and move it forward.

In other stuff, work has been kicking my butt lately (a good thing in some regards). It’s part of why I haven’t been on the forums and why I’ve been stressing so much. Hopefully once the next couple of weeks pass things should settle down some. I’m really hopeful about that and think I might even be able to ask for a raise come fall, even if it’s just a small one. I am pestering them about getting a green card so if I got a small one and a green card I’d be thrilled. I also came out at work. Coming out gay is nearly norm in many places but coming out transgendered/transsexual is a whole other ball of wax. It went really well. And to top it off, it was the same week that Chaz (formerly Chastity Bono) came out about starting his transition. Contrary to what many feel, this isn’t a “choice” but rather something that must be done to continue living.

It’s that ability to continue living that allows one to get back on the wagon, even if we’re down on the side of the cliff. I think I may be able to jump up and on to the wagon again later this week with full force and vigor.