I was reading Jacky’s blog today and a bit of an epiphany (??) struck me (well, something like that). I’ve heard, and personally experienced, where cis-gendered men help trans men learn various male activities: tying a tie, smoking a cigar, how to dress, etc. Sort of a quasi-bonding effect. And it’s made me begin to wonder if this is the one way to remove “hatred” towards trans individuals by involving cis-gendered individuals into the transition process. It’s not to say that they should be forced to participate but rather that if help is offered, it may be worthwhile to accept it. Laws do not help society accept change; being exposed to a positive experience does (conversely, so negative experience re-enforce stereotypes and poor preconceived notions).
This is also not to say that if you’re stealth that you come out, looking for a cis-gendered mentor/big brother/big sister. I think that having this, especially as we go through our puberty stage of life (yet again!), can be helpful all around in the long run beyond us. Those that did the Stonewall Riots started the path for us. This helps us set that path more and more as an open one for all who walk down this path. And, ideally, to do so without fear, uncertainty or doubt (there should be a healthy smattering of each of those but they shouldn’t shadow our lives to non-existence).
One thing I’m not sure of is whether this is strictly something that FTMs experience it or whether trans-women get help from cis-gendered women as well (strangers, colleagues rather than spouses). But even spouses, to me, are more supportive when they feel they are part of the process and have value to add. It’s really something that is needed and can be helpful, especially for someone like me who didn’t really have male role-models. I have recently joined FTM Mentors as one place to get some support from other trans guys and I might see more support from colleagues in May (we’ll see — it will be interesting to see what is said or asked).
Interesting to see this, thanks for posting about it.
There is also MtF Mentors, at http://www.mtfmentors.org for transwomen.
TransMentors International is currently scheduling workshops in various US cities for personal, local one-on-one and group peer mentoring for both transmen and transwomen by other trans people. http://www.TransMentors.org
Michael Brown
Executive Director
TransMentors International
http://www.TransMentors.org
Email: michaelb@transmentors.org
Thanks, Michael. Good to know.
Will add it to the links as well. 🙂
I was very hungry for a trans mentor during transition and didn’t really find one. What I did find was a cisgendered woman whom I didn’t tell I was a transwoman (but who likely knew — I was outed in the press), who was the first of three women who’ve mentored me. I’ve not discussed being trans with any of them, though one has mentioned it; and I’ve had such immense value from all three mentoring relationships even though some were very brief.
That’s a neat expansion on that point in my post – thanks! That’s a nice way to think about it as involving cisfolks in our process and helping them see the positive side of the process.
Jacky’s last blog post..Miscellaneous fun stuff