It never matter before.
Why would it have mattered?
It had only affected “them”.
I wasn’t a “them”.
I didn’t know any of “them”.
I wasn’t like “them”
Today, however, I’m a “them”. I go outside and wonder which person will add me to the wall of Remembrance. I never had to fear before that someone would have issue with me as the person I am but now I wonder and worry. Granted, still not as much as others have to. I still have some privilege and am probably viewed as a “nice them”, not like “THOSE thems”. As I get ready to announce to colleagues and the rest of the world my citizenship into “them”, I wonder how much will change. How much of who I am will be viewed as different and part of “them” with the physical obvious changes? Will it really matter that I am part of “them”? When will “them” no longer be a “them” and just be an “us”?
I figure once we’re no longer a “them” then we’ll matter when we’re killed for being “us” and that we’ll matter as people again. And that the shock wasn’t the lives that they were becoming but that the life stopped in such a brutal manner. It is time we matter. When I look at my brothers and sisters I meet up with each Wednesday night and I see these amazing people with wonderful, fulfilling lives.
What I find inconceivable the most is why trans-identified individuals are killed at all for being themselves. Society often says that we shouldn’t follow the herd and we should be our own selves. But it seems to punish trans individuals for doing just that. I suppose it’s more of “being individual as long as it’s the same as the rest of us” kind of thing. Society still wants hard settings for each portion of the binary and nothing in between. It is entirely about how one looks rather than the actions that make a man or a woman. It is about all the physical things being where we expect them and how we expect them rather than the intangibles that make a person “a person”.
But that’s fine. I’d rather be one of “them” than one of “us”. And if I do end up on a Wall of Remembrance, at least I finally got to live my life as I wanted to live it and not as someone wanted me to live it.
I like being a part of “them”.