Going beyond transition

Monthly Archives: February 2010

Cheering for Canada and dreaming..

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Life, Traveling/Work .

HURRAH CANADA!

Szabados saves the night (courtesy of CTV.ca)

Women's Team Canada wins gold

It was nice watching Team Canada win over Team USA last night, even if it was on NBC (they really need to improve their coverage). As I watched them play, it brought back a flood of memories when I once dreamed (prior to the explosion of women’s hockey) of playing in the NHL and elsewhere. Today, I’m not even sure if I could join a pickup league. I took a look in Google for teams in Los Angeles and did find the L.A. Blades, a lesbian and gay community team but they have no indication if trans individuals are allowed to play. As I continue further into my transition and yet, still am in the in-between stages of things (since surgery is still lacking), I find team and community oriented sports still lacking in trans support. I suppose that’s why I’ve taken to liking cycling since it is primarily a solo activity.

In fact, assuming that the visa stuff works out, I’m planning on a L.A. to San Fran trip next year and the year after doing a L.A. to Vancouver, BC trip (Veronique, if you’re still there I’d love to meet up with you and your wife). I miss cycling almost as much as I miss hockey. I suppose some of this has to do with the 3 books I finished reading this week: The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific, Getting Stoned with Savages: A Trip Through the Islands of Fiji and Vanuatu and Lost on Planet China: One Man’s Attempt to Understand the World’s Most Mystifying Nation. If  you get a chance to read any or all of them, do so. They are a great way of looking at life elsewhere and not just a tourist way of looking at this. I have to admit that Troost writes how I think when it comes to visiting other places. It’s more than just the places; it’s the people and how they go about their daily lives. It makes the world more connected and real, at least to me.

Blizzard for February, 2010 (Queens, NY)

I know I shouldn’t put too much attachment to hockey and solo bicycling touring but it’s so much darned fun to enjoy both of those pursuits. It never was the winning (although a nice side effect) but more the actual doing and the people that one meets in both. That said, I’ll likely stick to cycling for the near future since I don’t need  a car for it and I do for hockey (returning back to a goalie role would mean having a ton of crap to haul). Plus cycling is far healthier for me. I enjoy the tranquility of travel on two wheels and the sense of accomplishment when reaching a destination. It’s also a tad cheaper than hockey and more flexible although cycling does prefer better weather (I have cycled through a couple of hurricanes but snow is a little more difficult).

Cycling also lets me dream of faraway places. I still have dreams of cycling through the UK, France, to see the Dalai Lama and through parts of Africa. It all is so tempting but I know I will have to put it on hold at one point once kids arrive so I should try to get one or two of those faraway places under my belt at some point. In the meantime, I’ll dreamily ponder what it would be like biking up and down the Western Seaboard and the southern US.

Hilly comes to mind.

At least, there’d be no snow.

I hope.

Go, Canada, Go!

More of Life or something like that..

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Life, transition, Traveling/Work .

The Dance of the Fountain..

This week has been a challenging one. Granted last week was fun. I got to stay in Vegas and teach there, which meant that in the evenings I got to enjoy the town a bit. That was good. I won some, I lost some. I think my biggest win was $70, which I used to buy some premium cigars. I think in all I lost maybe $40, which is a reasonable amount. I will say that if you go to Vegas, want a decent hotel room (with a full kitchen), willing to pay around $100 and don’t mind being directly on the strip (but can get a free shuttle to the Mandalay throughout the day/evening to go to the strip) then the Homewood Suites near the Vegas Airport (right across from it, actually) is a place to stay. The staff were amazing (particularly those during the Monday-Thursday shifts). I’ve stayed at quite a few hotels in my time but these guys were the best.

Clean shaven boi

One day I’d like to return to Vegas for non-work reasons and just have fun truly exploring the whole city. I didn’t get to the older part of Vegas like I did last time and I would love to visit some of the more natural sites. Maybe I should plan a bike trip from Los Angeles to Vegas in a couple of years. I did stick to my workouts for the two weeks I was on the road (Toronto and Vegas) and my diet was so-so. It could have been better. I learned that Vegas Portions are a supersized version of American portions, which are, to my Canadian eyes, to big as it stands. Flying back wasn’t fun as Mother Nature had some nasty things in store. I lucked out in that I missed most of it, although I got snarled in the after-effects. I had ended up on a single stop over — Vegas to Los Angeles to NYC. The Vegas to LAX part was packed but LAX to JFK was really empty. Either way, I managed to get upgraded to business class and it made the flight kinda better. I certainly didn’t have as much inspect as I had when traveling from Toronto to NYC (they’ve added in at least two more search options). Interestingly enough through all my travel I never got challenged on my passport. My picture doesn’t match my face any more and, to be frank about it, I suspect it’s a white male privilege thing. The beard and simple moustache should have thrown up markers since my gender didn’t match but that means either no one was threatened, didn’t care or didn’t notice.

Upon arriving back, I decided to shave the beard (leaving the pencil thin moustache). It was kinda shocking to see my bare face again (I left a little on the chin). K did a double-take after I had shaved it and, I think, still trying to come to gripes with the new face. Heck, even I am. It was funny that when I had the beard, I could have sworn I saw my uncle P looking back at me. As hard as life has been in the past for me, I will say that it was my mom’s siblings and her mother that centered me enough to become the person I am, even if it wasn’t what they expected. I’m a rather self-centered child (a side-effect of being an only child growing up around adults, I suspect — not an excuse but more of an observation).

NYC Blizzard (Feb 2010)

NYC Blizzard (Feb 2010)

For the rest of the week, I had been battling a rather nasty head cold. All I can say is “Thank the gawds for the inventor of Nyquil!”. This stuff knocked me out for two days in a row, giving my body enough time to recover. And since this was an off-platform week for me (plus we got pummeled by more snow) it was great. As it turned out, K had a “Snow Day” on Wednesday. She squealed like a little kid when she saw all the snow falling. And more so when she began playing with it (making mini-snowballs). I treated her to some vegan hot chocolate and vegan marshmellows with a bit of not-so-vegan chocolate liquor mixed in. It was an awesome way to spend the afternoon as the sky fell down to the earth. It also allowed me to catch up on my Hulu queue and finally clear that out as well as get through the 3 NetFlix videos. The Beautiful Daughters one was particularly good. As a trans guy, I’m pretty privileged in many ways but the most important way is that I blend in a lot easier and am accepted far more than many of my trans-sisters are. This is probably part of why there was no issue with traveling between Canada and the US thus far. This video, which documents the first trans women version of the Vagina Monologues, is absolutely beautiful and shows some of the same difficulties that many trans women face that cis-gendered women face. And then some. If you can get the video and haven’t seen it, do so.

In other news, I’m hopeful that this year will be a good year for work. Some of my discussions with my managers seem to indicate so. The visa still looms large ahead of me and performance reviews are soon. I think I did well last year and I’m hopeful that it will be reflected pay wise. In the meantime, the company issued bonuses and let’s just say, the gov’t will be pleased with their cut of it (I hope I can get some of that back at tax time since that amounts to an overpayment). But my credit cards were also happy. I paid off my “cigar card” with part of it and paid off half of another (that one will be paid off completely in March). So life seems to be turning around a bit in regards to finances and such. Perhaps my dream of getting my top surgery done in 2011/2012 isn’t that far off now… eh.. we shall see.

For now, I have a cat to feed and a woman to romance a bit..

What happens in Vegas…

Posted on by Posted in Life .

… Well, we’ll see. After today’s experience, it may not really stay in Vegas.

The morning started ok and I was a bit relaxed, enough to play my game a bit before leaving. Unfortunately, I had to leave earlier than planned because of need to have extra people for a meeting. So I rushed around, finished packing, wolfed down some food and left. I get to the airport and it turns out I wasn’t needed. To make things more fun, the plane was sold out. So no chance for an upgrade.

Since I knew this had been a risk, I ensured that I had an aisle seat (all of coach was 3 seaters, squished together) so I could get up and down when I wanted. As much as I’m trying to lose weight, it’s still a slow process and my butt is still a bit larger than the seat. When we boarded I was dismayed at how old the plane looked (had to be at least 10-15 years old). My seat pocket was pretty much ripped from the back of the seat in front of me.

The flight itself was rather uneventful albeit long. 5 and half hours in the air with poor circulation and cramped conditions wasn’t fun. The entertainment was sporatic, likely due to the age of the player, but that was fine since I had both videos of Gabriel Iglesias so I was able to laugh through most of the flight. I also read The Thrive Diet, something I’d like to do more of while doing the Power90 and P90X workouts. The book is actually a straightfoward read but I’m trying to figure out how easy it is to do as a daily thing when at home and when on the road. The road part might be a bit challenging but I think if I have at least 1-2 salads a day and eliminate the soda I should be good for the road part (at least for now).

When we finally landed I had to wait about 20 minutes before I left the plane. I had ended up in a seat way in the back and it took a while for all those in front of me to get off. As a business traveler, I’ve learned as to what it requires to make boarding and deplaning an easier process. Unfortunately, going to a place like Vegas (high on tourist visits) this took longer. It was an additional hike to get the luggage and once I got it, I had opted to grab a taxi as I knew the hotel wasn’t too far from the airport.

Mistake.

Another line that was actually longer than getting off the airplane (if you’re in Vegas, go shuttles or limos to the hotel). Once I got to the front, I had asked for a cab with credit card capabilities. That resulted in another line. And then my cabbie had no idea where the road or the hotel was.

Sigh.

But once I arrived and saw my room, I was thankful. As it turns out, the hotel offers free shuttles to the Mandalay. I think I might head there tomorrow night to do a few slots and to get something to eat (after work of course). And perhaps do the ol’ touristy photo thing.

This evening I did manage to get in a full 35 min workout and that was good. Dinner was a vegan burrito (not quite thrive but still better than the alternatives) and 2 bottles of water (saving the last one for tomorrow). While it felt like a long day (and it was) it is good to finally be able to turn in and get ready for tomorrow.

Whine (but no cheese!)

Posted on by Posted in Life .

I’m still being bad about posting lately. I think I’m going through my hermit crab stage. I do this once and a while. Not sure why but I’m feeling a need to withdraw a bit from life. I suspect there may be a bit of depression and fear over the unknown (e.g., waiting for Performance Review to be done, waiting for visa/green card options, moving to L.A. and still having to purge, etc.). I’ve been trying to get out of the dool-drums by working out and that’s helped some but I need to work on it more. One of the big things, I suspect, is still diet. I’ve found that when I eat healthier, I’m definitely happier and more outgoing. Add exercise to that and I’m golden.

I did get the Power90 Videos and have to admit they do work (if I do them — consistency will be key). Amazing how a decent workout with resistance bands does more for me than I used to be able to do with free weights. And the bonus? I can do these in my hotel room or before a class starts (at least the ones that start at 10am). If I can be consistent with these for a while, I should see continued gains. And I’m hoping by the time I’m in L.A., I’ll be fit enough to move up to the P90X series. That should be enough to keep my body fit. The key is that I don’t want to be skinny. BMI suggests I should be 119lbs.

Really?

A toothpick, I would be.

I’m more aiming for the 150-165lbs range. The reality is that I do have a sizeable frame for my stature. I’m built like an ox or a bull (very square and if I tried, I could be no-neck athlete). I just want to drop down back to a healthier range. It’s a work in progress.

To add this, I suspect there is a bit of boredom going on and anticipation for the future. I’ve been doing a few things for far too long and I’m contemplating dropping a few sites from my moderation ability. The reality is that I’ve lost interest in those sites and have picked up interest in another: Butch Femme Planet. It’s been a while since I’ve been excited about something and I’m certainly enjoying this. While I’m not head honcho (which is fine — I try to avoid responsibility where possible), I am the geek consultant. And I am enjoying it (even if some things drive me up the wall — seriously: who makes a chat program where either all users are mods or no one is a mod!?). Anyways, it has made me contemplate that it’s time to retire my old site, MsMittens.com, and kick up another site I wanted to work on related to work/hobby stuff as well as my cigar blog. My old site has been around forever it seems but I haven’t added much to it.

I guess I need to do a virtual purge as well. I do collect things online much like I do in real life. I have this awful tendency to look at something and think, “hrmmm… I could such-and-such with you. That’d be awesome!”.

I’ll add more later tonight once I get to Vegas but for now, this will do.