This is just awesome!
I’ve been lazy and busy at the same time for the last little while. I sometimes go through a non-desire to write and the most recent time period was it. I’ll admit to being a little bit of a WoW addict of late. (Yes, that is the first step to healing). But it is a cheap escape for me and the puzzles do exercise the mind in many ways. I think I’ve gotten a little bored with work. The excitement is down and I think I’m getting a little worried about the visa situation. I’m still waiting to hear. I think if it does fail, I’ll head to BC (Vancouver) and ride out the year there. It’d suck but, one does what ya have to do.
I have gotten a little bit excited about a new site that I’m helping out on: ButchFemmePlanet. Coming in at the ground level, it’s re-energinzed my non-work related geek to poke at vBulletin more and to do a little work on VeganBodybuilding site (I’m the admin there too). I have to say that BFP definitely feels like a breath of fresh air and has a good community feel about it. The community feeling is important to me. It adds to that sense of belonging and purpose that we often want in life beyond our partners. Anyways, it’s refueled my desire to re-learn PHP, go more advanced and get beyond that. I’ll be investigating into some things I could do to improve the blog a bit but we’ll see.
The NaNoWriMo failed for me this year. It was that whole bored/lazy thing. I dunno why but the idea I had at first fizzled. I used to have such a creative mind but now, not so much. It’s made me wonder if some of that is the T. My emotions and how I display them have certainly changed. I find I cannot cry any more (things that would have me sniffling barely get a whimper). It’s a very hard thing to come to grips with. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them, it’s just that I cannot show it like I used to.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This has never been a huge holiday for me largely because we never visited family and associated meaning with the holiday. When I learned the true history of Thanksgiving, that it wasn’t as “Rockwellian” as we’d believe, it lost it’s importance to me even more. It’s shocking how everyone here talks about how it’s for family and such — and then I see a lot of the grocery stores open (albeit with shortened hours). It is a commercialized holiday to the Nth degree and that really does suck. For us, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but rather our 3rd year together. We first started dating on Thanksgiving in 2006 (although online) and it’s been an amazing 3 years. Certainly we’ve had bumps and bruises along the way but I have found that we’ve gotten closer and love each other more now than before. It’s an awesome feeling. I made a pure vegan dinner — tofurky, vegan dumplings, potatos, onions, carrots, gravy and a vegan wish bone — that we thoroughly enjoyed. And then we watched Bruno. That has to be the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised that it made it to theaters and that lawsuits of one sort or another didn’t prevent it from airing. There were some parts that were just downright funny and others that surprised me that the audience didn’t kill him.
Anyways, online blog buddy DolphynGyrl wanted to know what 5 things we’re thankful for this holiday season so here are mine:
1. I am thankful that I finally found my path in life, even if it took a few years.
2. I am thankful that I have a job I love (yes, I do still love my job)
3. I am thankful for good health of friends and family
4. I am thankful that Bobcat is still around, cranky as ever.
5. I am thankful for K being in my life. Without her, life would be lonely and very plain.
I doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.
And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.
And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.
Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.
I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.
More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.
And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.
I know my grandmother served as a nurse during WWII and I don’t know if my grandfather was a doctor as well but for those who served unselfishly for their nation, in Canada or elsewhere, I salute you.
In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow Between the crosses row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields.
I must have done good since K ate two slices.
Last month’s poll had limited responses to it and was a dead split as to whether health care would pass or not. That still remains in question but one can be hopeful that it will try to find a nice middle ground somewhere to meet the needs or most of the needs of everyone in the US.
This month’s poll is a little more self-centered. As I start writing my “novel” for the NaNoWriNo challenge, I wonder how many would read it. See the Except below and then vote in the poll:
“Let me go!”
“Hey! Can you not hear me — I said, LET. ME. GO!”, I yelled at the top of my lungs.
He didn’t listen to me. He held me in his big, strong arms and cooed gently in my ear. I struggled to get out but it made no matter. I eyed him. You know, I thought to myself, after 17 years you’d think he’d get a clue that I didn’t like this but noooooo…
I sighed and tried not to struggle any further as he caressed by neck, ears and face. I knew it was love that caused him to do this. I mean, seriously. Who could resist my curvaceous form with my deep orange hair and long nails? I’ll admit it. I looked good. I tucked my head under his beard and snuggled closer to him. I really did hate it when he left. It was weird. After all these years together and his occasional jaunts out into the world beyond the big door, I still worried whether he’d come back or not. He always did.
It’s hard to believe we’ve been together so long. Heck, I remember when we first met so many years ago. I was very young, an innocent thing trying to explore the world. I knew only a few words and my mom had kept a close eye on us all. There were seven of us in all, with me being the youngest but only by a few minutes. My siblings all liked to tease me because I was different. I had different hair, my body was different than everyone else and I walked kind of funny.
Like others, we were at the mercy of the Anzos that controlled this vast land. They had taken over all of it with their technology, their odd speech and most important of all, their odd smell. We had learned to adapt but the kinds and queens we once were was no more.
I remember my brother Mazin once saying, “They totally do not respect us! They treat us like slaves, begging for food when we should be treated like the royalty we are!”
I had eyed him when he had said this in front of the noisy Anzo market. I could smell all the wonderful food and other fascinating aromas that came out of there. While I never quite understood all the vast different foods and other goods that were there, I could imagine what they were like. Surely the Anzos had more than enough that they could share with us, the Devinanpu. I mean this was our home, the Buana and they were guests, really. How the mighty Akachi allowed these “things” to be here was beyond me.
Now, be honest.. (and this is first draft, first attempt with no edits, alterations or corrections).
Apparently Dolphygyrl forgot that I did the Honestly meme earlier this year. That or she wants to know more of my deep, dark secrets. Well, I’ll do it again because she flattered me so much to do so. For those unaware, the Honestly meme has the following rules.
1. Present this award to 7 other bloggers (a variety of reasons are listed, but I like going to honest blogger route).
2. Share 10 honest things about myself.
I don’t know if I’ll do the 7 bloggers (whoever wants to, go for it) but I will do the 10 honest things. So, let’s see here.
1. Last year, I did my biography (or is that autobiography?) but won’t publish it yet, if ever. This year I’m writing a fantasy novel. That may be published if I can ever finish it (I tend to start things well but sometimes get distracted by… ohhh.. shiny things!).
2. I am a pack rat. I tend to keep things because I figure I can use them, will recycle them, eventually read them (or read them again) or use them for some project idea I had just come up with.. oh look.. shiney things!
3. I a tech geek. I love all things that relate to computers but love a good paperback book even more. Reading is an avenue to freedom for me.
4. I love teaching online since my commute is a short one (my only pause is to talk to Bobcat for a bit)
5. And my widening butt loves it even more when I teach online. To help fight this, I’ve taken to walking an hour a day, walking up 7 flights of stairs once or twice or both. I also have been doing weights and drinking more water.
6. This leads me to the fact that I’ve reached an all-time high for my weight. I know the cause: ME! Simply put, I still eat like I did when I used to bike 30-100 miles a day.
7. I’ve fallen off the vegan wagon hard. 🙁 I blame my aunt’s wedding where the smell of lobster caused my stomach to revolt and indulge. I said many prayers that day. Somewhere along that we both lost our direction and dedication towards veganism but haven’t given up hope yet. We’ll be having a vegan Thanksgiving this year (K doesn’t know since I ordered all the goodies behind her back).
8. A shocker to Canadians but I actually love living in the US. While there are some things that I wish I still had (Hello Universal, single payer health care), the variety and friendliness of Americans can’t be beat.
9. I dream of being a dad to a houseful of annoying and bratty kids. I have no illusions that it’d be hard, frustrating and challenging; I still want to do it. I have a bit of masochism in me.
10. I really, really still love that beautiful woman who comes home to me, even after 3 years together. And I still get shivers and goosebumps when she kisses me.
So there ya go. I am participating again in NaNoWriMo and I’m keeping the topic under wraps but if I’m write, I think it should be a pretty neat novel. I’m a bit behind in the writing (having started a day late) but I’m hoping to catch up some tonight and get a little bit farther than the minimum 1667 words per day I’d need to write to reach the magic 50,000 by November 30th. If you want to know more about NaNoWriMo, visit their website http://www.nanowrimo.org/