Going beyond transition

Monthly Archives: March 2009

Life is too short to be small

Posted on by Posted in Life .

It’s hard to believe that 39 years ago I was born to my mom (who was all of 18 at the time I was born). Life was never easy and I’m sure, if she was alive today, she wouldn’t necessarily be thrilled with my path today. I’m sure somewhere under her hard exterior she’d still love me as I am. At least that’s what I hope. In some ways, birthdays have been bittersweet. To be remembered, even if only for one day, is important. It’s not the gifts (material things do wear down and cigars can be smoked) but rather the people that matter the most when celebrating a birthday. Most people look at it as their special day as to when they entered the world. I look at it as the day that I entered the world and started making connections and creating connections with others.

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

This is somewhat of a milestone year for many. They often see it as having lived 40-50% of their life at this point. I view it as the start of truly living live, especially with what I’ve done in the last 3 years alone, let alone all of the stuff I’ve done over the last 39. Getting “old” is definitely a state of mind. Yes, our bodies age. Things are affected more by gravity; we feel those bruises more; we become more attached to the Wheel of Fortune. But, I have found myself to be more youthful now than I did when I was 8 or 21 (the last two years I had birthday parties). When I was 8 I had adult responsibities. When I was 21, I was carefree but soon got hit with the full force of life the following year.

Over the years I’ve learned a lot:

  • how to ride a bike
  • how to use a remote
  • how to use a Mac
  • how to use a PC (Windows/Linux)
  • how to read
  • how to laugh
  • how to be laughed at
  • how to cry at a sad movie
  • how to laugh at dark humor
  • how to imagine worlds beyond our little microcosm
  • how to save the planet (composting, recycling, reusing, reducing)
  • how to drive a car through the back of a garage
  • how to toast marshmallows
  • how to enjoy the awe of the Northern Lights on the St. Lawrence
  • how to enjoy the smell of a pipe
  • how to enjoy silence and the crackle of a bonfire
  • how to stop a puck
  • how to fall off a bike
  • how to fall in love
  • how to fall out of love
  • how to make Mac’n’Cheese
  • how to live off of Mac’n’Cheese for a year
  • how to do a solo bicycle tour
  • how to get lost on a bike while doing a tour
  • how to make friends
  • how to lose friends
  • how to not give a fuck anymore
  • how to care for everyone
  • how to lose faith
  • how to believe in spirituality and more than me
  • how to skate on ice
  • how to hit a board because I forgot to stop on ice
  • how to dance
  • how to embarrass myself dancing
  • how to drink
  • how to drink so bad that I forgot what happened (only once!)
  • how to hate where I work
  • how to love what I do
  • how to try to stay safe and not rock the boat
  • how to take a risk because the boat needs rocking

But I think the thing I’ve learned that matters the most is to be myself. That’s what makes this year and the years to come so important. I regret very little in life since all those wonderful mistakes, screw ups, etc., have brought me to the here and now. And that is a wonderful thing, no?

“Life is too short to be small.”

— Benjamin Disraeli

Living a frugal life. Not so impossible really.

Posted on by Posted in Daily life, Finances, Life .

So yesterday turned out to be a great day financially. As I’ve talked about finances are a big thing on my plate this year. It was about 5 years ago when I had half my debt paid but over the last 5 years that crept up again. Last week I got a sticker shock from Revenue Canada and have to pay taxes to them for 2007 (I basically gave up fighting them — sometimes it’s a better option to do that). I decided I wanted to avoid that and to do so, I paid a visit to H&R Block. US taxes have a notorious mythos around them at being difficult. And there is some truth to that. I spent a decent hour or so with the rep. It cost me just under $300 for the review (they base payment on the various forms you have to fill out) but it was worth it.  As a result he found enough to double my fed refund and almost halve my state taxes owed (I didn’t know that NYC required separate tax collection — I’ll be speaking to the payroll department about ensuring that’s removed regularly).  The result of my federal taxes this year for the US, however, may be enough for me to pay my state taxes, my Canadian taxes and pay off a credit card or two (my two lowest amount cards). This was a fantastic result.

This gives me hope and allows me to move forward in life. I’ve taken to researching more and more a frugal life. I do believe that one can still live an ethical life while being frugal at the same time. For instance I did learn that there is a shampoo/conditioner brand called White Rain. They sell for a $1 each at Walgreens or Rite-Aid (I refuse to go to WalMart where possible). This brand DOES NOT do animal testing or use animal by-products in their products. I was floored. I’ve been spending upwards of $7-10 each for conditioner and shampoo. This would save a lot more money if I got these products.

“Because of deep love, one is courageous. Because of frugality, one is generous. Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world.” — Lao Tzu

This week is my 39th birthday and I feel like there is still so much more to my life that I have yet to do that I really want to get rid of this debt permanently and not have it hanging around any longer. I’ve gotten smarter about how I manage my money and am recording every expense on my iPod Touch. It was a wise investment for me this year since I can get so many podcasts and books for free in a portable format in addition to videos and songs that I already had.

The trick for me is to immerse myself into it and make it a habit. Visiting the forums, recording my spending habits and such are all tricks to help me do that. If I can continue this when things are good, then overall I’ll benefit. I’ll say one thing about one of my ex’s: he was very good about being frugal. There are a few tricks that I picked up from him and intend on continuing to use. Others, I’ll create on my own.
Perhaps one day I’ll be able to reminisce how bad it was to have so much debt. For now, I take a single step forward in life

Funniest Prank against a Telemarketer

March 31: International Transgender Day of Visibility

Posted on by Posted in Politics, trans activism, transgender, transition .

So now I have even more of a reason to celebrate on the 31st. Facebook has always been one of those places that grassroots events take off (Twitter, I think, will also be the other at this point). But it was on Facebook that I ran across the group to promote International Transgender Day of Visibility. I think it’s a great idea. We have been remembering those who have passed before us but now it’s time to stand up as we are, alive and whole, today. One of the challenges is that many trans individuals go stealth once they full pass in the gender they were meant to be. And many choose not to be identified as trans. This is fine but for many being trans is a very visible thing. We transition with the whole world watching us, waiting to see what new thing has physical, emotional or otherwise has changed.

And while transitioning is, for the most part, a selfish thing it is also a societal thing. Our belief that gender is what we’re born with physically isn’t accurate. Like many things in life there are factors that make up all of this: brain chemistry, societal impact, parental influence or lack thereof, friend relationships, etc. There is nothing to blame either; it is what it is (as the saying goes). Perhaps this will lead to a full separation from the LGB. LGB (B is only supported if it’s women; men, not so much) is widely becoming more and more accepted. Case in point: New Hampshire has recently approved of a bill to go to Senate for same-sex unions but at the same time, denied equality rights for transgender individuals (the “Washroom Bill”).

I see more and more stories about transgender/transsexual politics and it is heartening, even if they are not positive. At the least, people are being made aware more and more as to who we are. We’re not freaks or weirdos or <insert epithet here>; we’re average citizens who want the right to exist as we are. In world where so many pressure everyone to be the same (e.g., you must be <insert religion>; you must <insert thought>; you must support <insert political regime>), we stand out at challenging a lot of that. We aren’t the “musts”; we are “what we should be”.

We should be supportive of each other.

We should be respectful of each other’s choices/needs/wants.

We should recognize the vast wonderful differences that each of us has.

We should appreciate the various paths and experiences that make us all so unique.

And if you’ve ever wondered what a trans person looks like.. here it is:

Me (9 months on T)

Me (9 months on T)

Vegan Recipe: Vegan Spicy Comfort Hashbrowns

Posted on by Posted in recipes, vegan stuff .

Ok. I admit it. I’m lazy sometimes. But even in my most laziest mode, I do think I can come up with some neat recipes. Here’s one that K loves with the vegan mayo or a bit of ketchup or both.

A little too much mayo but still, oh-so-good.

A little too much mayo but still, oh-so-good.

2 medium onions, diced

1-2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 Mexican Chipotle Field Roast Sausages, sliced (you can order them from Vegan Store)

1-2 red bell peppers, diced (optional)

1 bag of Cavendish Farms Hash Browns

1-2 tablespoons of vegetable/olive oil

salt and pepper to taste (optional)

In a large wok or pan, heat the oil. Sautee the onion and garlic until the onion is translucent (about 2-5 min, depending on your stove). Add the red peppers and stir fry about 3-5 minutes. Add the sausage and cook covered about 5-7 min, stirring occasionally. Finally, add the hash browns. Cook covered, stirring occasionally. This will take the longest, especially if the hash browns were frozen. Ensure that the mixture is well mixed (the hash browns will absorb some of the chipotle flavour and colour so don’t be surprised if they appear a tinge red). Add more a touch more oil if the hash browns are burning too quickly. Cook covered, stirring regularly. Add salt and pepper if you want. This will take between 15-30 minutes depending if the hash browns are frozen or not.

Once all of it is cooked, serve in bowls or on a plate with a side salad. Should feed about 6-8 servings (depending on the size of your “serving” 😉 )

Enjoy.

Ah, yes, the washroom dilemma

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, Politics, trans activism, transgender, transition .

This remains one of my biggest challenges to overcome. Ya, it’s a nagging fear and I just need to push forward but I think I’m getting there. I just wish that society didn’t put so much into it. I mean, really. When you think about it. At home, do you have male and female washrooms? In public we’re all there to do two things: use the washroom and then wash our hands afterwards. Do we have to make a big deal out of it? For Gainesville, FL., it was a big deal. Enough to have a vote over it. The result of the vote was to keep the law, which protects trans individuals to use the washroom that reflects their gender, was 58% to keep while 42% to repeal it.

Quite honestly, it’s someone like me, a trans person who is in that in-between stage of transition, that benefits the most from the law. Those who have transitioned years ago and are read 100% of the time in the true gender don’t have to worry too much about this but it’s those that have just started or are limited by funds from fully transitioning that this protects. The idea that it opens the door for a rapist to use this as a defense is laughable. I mean, seriously, how often does rape actually happen in a washroom? I have to ask because I did a search and found the following: most rapes will occur by a person you know in a place you know (apt, home, work). Now, this isn’t to say it isn’t possible but I do think that the funds spent on trying to repeal this law could have been used for better education and support of rape victims in general.

Why not offer self-defense classes and empower women to be able to stand up against aggressors?

Why not put up public service announcements to teach adults and children alike to be aware of danger signs?

Why not make children aware of “bad touch” but know that “good touch” is ok as well?

Why not…

The expectations of young people today are very different from 30 years ago. People don’t like big dormitories and communal washrooms. They want more privacy and that is what we are trying to offer them. — Duncan Simpson

Because it’s often easier to be reactive than proactive. Rather than spend the time to be aware, to re-create trust in our society with each other, get to know each other, be there for each other, we’d rather admonish others and continue a cycle of fear. I think society is exhausted of fear, uncertainty and doubt. I think society is tired of living in “uncertain times” and wants life to be simplier. Perhaps this cycle of downturn will benefit us in that it will teach us to appreciate each other more, appreciate more of what we have and respect others of what they have. Maybe it will even teach us to be supportive of each other in these harsh times and less reactive.

Maybe.

It’s interesting that the main focus of this is over whether “men” go into women’s washroom but not vice versa. I’ve actually been told that there is less of a threat for me to go into a men’s washroom than if a transwoman goes into a woman’s washroom. The more I see comments like that the more convinced that general society views trans women from a societal view of giving up on privilege (male privilege) and trans men going for privilege (both of these ideas are the farthest thing from the truth for 99% of the trans people I know). There always is a threat for a trans person, regardless of whether it’s a trans man or a trans woman. It’s the fact that a person is trans that’s often viewed as a threat. Perhaps it’s an overblown threat, particularly in larger cities but it still rests in the back of my mind and is probably the thing that holds me back some. I’ve gotten more brave as I pass and am read more and more as male. I know I haven’t run into any trans male who has said they were assaulted or attacked for using the men’s washroom (trans women really do get verbally and physically assaulted in both and that’s a horrible, harsh reality) but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Male rape does exist as well.

I think it’s time to stop feeding into the reactive and be proactive on my own as well. It’s always another step moving forward toward complete and total self-satisfaction and happiness.

Fun, eh?

Enough with the bad news…

Posted on by Posted in Life, transition .

What I was originally going to post about was my doctor’s visit. Because my original doctor moved to Scotland to be with her partner, I had to get a new one at the clinic and finally got to meet him. A very pleasant if not quiet gentleman he listened to me ramble on about this thing or that thing. We reviewed my labs and checkup. Overall, I’m not too bad. My liver (tres critical to watch when on T), kidneys and other organs are all ok. My bad cholesterol is low (good) while my good cholesterol is a bit too low (not great). He said I needed more exercise more than likely, especially since my bad cholesterol was low anyways. (one of those “no-duh” moments). My blood pressure is good, although a bit high today (he thinks it was because I was rushing to not be late this morning). I actually looked over my last year or so blood pressure results and he’s right. It’s more than likely an effect of environment than body (good thing I dealt with the taxes first otherwise it would have been sky high after my conversation with Revenue Canada).

So in a nutshell? Get off my butt and move! I’ve certainly been doing more this spring than last spring but need to step it up some more. 3-4 times a week of kinda-running/jogging/fast walking for 45-60 min should be sufficient. Add to that cutting down more and more of the processed crap. Sticking to water with the occasional (read: maybe once a week or so?) beer/”drink” and I think I’m gonna be ok.

To quote the Jewish phrase Abi gezunt (or “at least you have your health“). I do have many things to be thankful for, financial nightmare aside: I have a wonderful relationship, supportive partner and friends, a solid job that keeps me entertained and that I enjoy, and hope for the future. My health isn’t great but neither is it horrible nor is it something that I cannot address (with a bit of dedication and sweat).

“Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John Wooden

From everything I do, I learn. And won’t let it stop me from achieving what I need to do in the long run.

Rant: Taxes, taxes, taxes.

Posted on by Posted in Life, Politics .

Sigh. So after writing about how I was going to address my finances, I finally called Revenue Canada to address my 2007 tax return. I had been going back and forth with them because they had the wrong date of departure. They originally assessed me at $5400 CDN in taxes owed but with the date change that dropped to $3600 (roughly). I had a lengthy discussion with a senior tax rep from Revenue Canada and basically got told that because I left the country and listed a departure date (thus, an indication of not returning and considered a non-resident), I owe taxes. My moving expenses credits, which would have wiped out taxes owed, do not qualify because I’m a “non-resident”. In fact, I got informed that even if I returned at the end of my visa, I wouldn’t be able to claim those either because I was a non-resident (being “Canadian doesn’t matter; owing taxes does” was that I got told).

So I could refile declaring that I’m still a resident but I didn’t have the energy in me to do it. So I figured I’d make arrangements to pay what I owe (over a period of time since my credit card debt is so heavy). When I called that office I got told that the minimum I would have to pay is $500 each month. My jaw just about hit the floor. I’ve figured out that I will owe the State of NY a heft amount as well (about $2400) while, theoretically, getting money back from the US Fed (although given my luck of late, I’m not betting on it). Basically, between the two countries I’ll get to add on another $7-10,000 (CDN/US) on to my debt.

Never mind that I paid for my own move down here and still pay for stuff in storage in Canada. Never mind that I’m still paying to Canadian credit card companies to a tune of.. well, let’s just say it’s a lot. I acknowledge that the credit card stuff is of my own doing but the tax stuff. Ya. Not quite. I’ve paid into the system for over 20 years. I’ve used it ONCE. I’ve paid off student loans completely. I have no problem paying my taxes but I hate having to double pay and to be treated disrespectfully, which is what it felt like when I was talking with the two different agents at Revenue Canada (an air of contempt for the average citizen like “you have no idea what you’re doing so just shut up and listen”).

I wrote to the Prime Minister and the Minister of Finance but I expect no reply and even less done. It has created a veil of disillusionment for me in regards to my home nation. I used to be so patriotic and now.. it’s a system that does what it can to squeeze out the average person on all fronts: from governments, banks and otherwise. If I could get a windfall right now, I’d pay all I owe all around, quit my job and life off the land, living entirely in cash. I’ve had it with these systems. It’s not worth it. No one cares about others. No one is interested in being respectful or compassionate for others when we’re truly in trying times. Oh, we’re expected to prop up the government when it suffers but when the average citizen suffers, well, you’re on your own.

Sigh.
Well, live and learn. It’ll add a year or two to my debt-free dreams but I think I’m going to find ways out of the system and not participate any more into the “system” where possible. I’ve removed all credit cards from all my usual purchase places, added in regular payments into Revenue Canada and will be visiting H&R Block on Saturday to see if I can get some help for the State taxes (perhaps there is some way to reduce them).

[non-rant below]

I recently finished reading the advice book from “America’s Cheapest Family“. While I don’t know if I’d do everything they suggest I do know one thing: I need to live well below my means. I did it before and had halved my credit card debt to a point where I was a year or two away from credit card freedom. It’s time to return to that and become frugal not just once in a while but regularly. It’d probably help for my health as well since it’ll force me to find resources outside of home to save money on. I would like to get rid of the cable once and for all. We could easily find what we like on Hulu or NetFlix for far cheaper while still seeing recent releases.

Ah well. I’m not giving up and will continue. Although I’ve pretty much lost all outside funds I had previously and have a single source of income, I’m not letting that hold me back from moving forward an inch at a time towards my final dream of a house, no debt (other than mortage) and the life I want. I don’t want to be rich but I want to be able to survive. Right now I feel like I can’t. As Charles Schulz once said: “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” I will keep climbing that hill so I can race down the other side.

Always evaluating

Posted on by Posted in Life .

One of the habits I do regularly is constantly evaluate how life “things” (e.g., finances, attitude, spirituality, important life decisions, etc.) are doing and if I need to change a habit or direction. I’ve been reading, on my iTouch, a book called “America’s Cheapest Family”. Written by the parents of 5 kids it details how a family has survived on an average of $35,000 a year, owned two homes, no credit cards and no debt.

I do think that K and I could do this but we will need to get into some good habits now so we can pass those on to the kids. It’s not a question of paying debt — I do this quite well — but rather eliminating it once and for all. I will pay off a small credit card debt next month and then work at aggressively tackling others over the next few months. I know I won’t be debt free this year but putting moritorium on spending. No more cigar purchases until thehumidors are completely empty; no more book purchases; minimal clothing purchases; and very limited restaurant puchases. I want to cook more meals that we can stretch out for a few days, turn off the tv in favour of walks and use Hulu as our method of tv show watching if we must watch tv.

I know I had talked of this before but slacked on doing it. A few years ago I had managed to wipe out half of my debt. I need to return to that again. I will have one major expense this year — my aunt’s wedding — and may have surgery costs but it may only be those expenses. I may avoid going somewhere over the holidays and limit my holiday gift stuff to smaller, more useful items.

I also want to get back in my Buddhist studying that I had done earlier last year. I think that will help me focus more on work and perhaps put me in line for a promotion next year. I need to address this as the stress of finances is having an emotional and, I suspect, health impact on me. Addressing one area successfully can help address others.

I’m hopeful I will stick to my plan… Actually, I’m not hopeful but rather I know I will. I mean if a family of seven can survive on a salary like they did there is no reason why I cannot do the same to move forward achieve my dreams. I just have to avoid being blinded by the marketing shock and awe that I face daily. Every minute I will have to ask: do I really need that or is it just some luxery that someone else thinks I need?

Everyone Matters: Dignity and Safety for Transgender People

Posted on by Posted in hate crimes, LGBTQ, trans activism, transgender, transition, Traveling/Work .

My biggest fear still remains work. Friends and family have certainly begun to understand (or at the least, tolerate) at this point. Seeing this video (and particularly, seeing someone being accepted by a company as large as Microsoft) gives me more hope given that I work for a just company as well. It’d still never be easy nor without challenges but it’s nice to know.

Thanks to Krystle for posting it. 🙂