You know, I had thought my transition, physically, had reached all that I can. Until today.
I went snorkeling (as much as I could given the winds and current) without a shirt. No one stopped me, questioned me or looked at me funny.
Good thing I didn’t wear the Brazilian speedo thong (think Homer Simpson in Brazil) =o
Life have been extremely busy of late. From about the end of July to now I’ve been doing 60-80 hour weeks. My paycheck loves it but I’m starting to wear a bit. I knew it was going to be like this and it will likely continue to the end of the year. In a lot of ways, this is great! It means I’ll be happily employed for a while yet (and to be honest, I don’t expect that to change but with the economy as it’s going, anything is possible). In other news K got a job (finally!) in her field. After nearly a year and half (with over 1,000 applications and only 2 interviews) she got a call back for a temp position in the VA. I suspect that she’ll be there longer than the 2-3 months they initially said it would be (they keep giving her more cases) so that’s good. Even better, she’s really happy about all that.
On a lark yesterday, we went to the Open House that the place next door was showing. It was perfect! 3 bedroom (or rather 1 bedroom, 2 offices or 1 bedroom, 1 office and maybe 1 nursery?), had a nice backyard (for the puglettes), a 2nd floor large balcony, granite counter tops, new appliances and a center aisle kitchen workspace. The biggest downside was lack of A/C. And that’s a deal breaker in L.A. Although where we live is actually very temperate there can be weeks where it gets regularly above 100F. The other downside was price: $600K. We could do it but I’m hesitant until the green card is done. And once we’re confident that K’s job is perm, I think we’ll look into it. I don’t know that $600K is achievable. I’ve always thought that $250-300K would be more appropriate but who knows? With rates so low it may be a good time for us to lock into a long term mortgage. One of my long term dreams was to have a house. Not for financial reasons but for permanence and to settle down.
Needless to say, the house next door definitely fit into what we were dreaming of as a house. It would need a little work (and some major heavy duty cleaning! I could tell where they tried to hide it) but it’s something that could easily be done. More importantly, is that we’d be able to stay in a community that we like and we could get to know more of it.
In other news, apparently the Health Insurance company is claiming that my surgery isn’t coverable (even though their own policy says that it can). I think they deliberately make it hard to obtain coverage. So to help me with this I enabled help from CKlife.org to get through the red tape of health insurance. I think one of the biggest challenges in the US (that I’ve faced) is the overwhelming amount of red tape that everything has, from taxes to health care. The fact that, as an intelligent adult, I need help to navigate all this crap is incredible. I suppose that is how one keeps a large population at work — by tracking things via paperwork (and it’s mostly paperwork; it’s surprising how many do not have good online account systems). But I still find it all frustrating. I am still recovering to a degree and have decided to postpone my planned trip from Vancouver, B.C. to Los Angeles next year to the year after. So it’s now a goal of 2013 rather than 2012.
That should give me enough time to get back into shape (other than round) and get back to fully vegan. I’ve been gradually moving back to it. Watching and reading about the whys reminded me why I so much did it in the past. Sometimes we need that before we can get back to where we were. At this point, I’ve gotten to about 95% vegan with some vegetarian meals here and there (I’m trying to empty the fridge of stuff without having to toss it). I was also considering a gym membership with maybe a trainer (it’s a UFC gym) but perhaps what I need is just the trainer bit. I don’t think I need a gym since my body is weight enough and if I do the exercises right, I can use that. I just need to figure out where in my schedule I should put this. It may be a matter of scheduling 30-60 min a day just so I can have that time to do exercise. I am, at least, walking the dogs early in the morning before work starts. I may need to get up a little earlier to do the weight stuff and then do the dog walk afterwards. Hrmm…
It’s been a month since the surgery. A lot of the swelling has gone down and it’s nice to not have to wear a binder any more. That said, however, I’m still sleeping on the Lazy Boy simply because I’m less likely to roll on my sides. And since I still have a bit of swelling on my sides, it’s safer and easier for me to sleep on my “back” while in the Lazy Boy. The doc says it’ll be another couple of weeks before that swelling is completely down.
The weather is getting warmer here in Los Angeles. I was surprised how much I finally am ok with what I see in the mirror (although I’d like to get rid of my beer gut). I still can’t do full exercise but I have been trying to walk the dogs at least once a day for about 30 min. I’m hoping that I might be able to do some simple pushups, situps and simple free weight exercises in a couple of weeks. And then after a series of business meetings in the San Fran area, I’m hoping to get back into running and cycling again.
One of the things I’d really like to do is barefoot running but I probably won’t since I’m a bit of a wuss and fear cutting my feet (even though I know that with barefoot running, it can be easier to address those kinds of injuries). At the least, I’d like to do minimalist running — much like I did last summer in NYC. I truly enjoyed it and might even consider doing a 5K in the fall if I’m consistent enough with the running. To that end I’m probably going to start getting up earlier. Say around 4-5ish so that I can run/bike earlier without interfering with my work day. If I’m not teaching, that’d give me a couple of hours to do what I need. And then later in the afternoon I can do things like the situps/pushups and/or weight stuff.
I’m not sure about my bike trip for next year given what I’ve seen of people’s driving behaviours here in L.A. I still want to do it but I think I need to investigate some things more. In particular, I do need to read on other’s experience on doing this trip. It’s consider intermediate to expert. My biggest concern is timing and whether I will have enough time — 30 or so days, including weekends — to bike from Vancouver to Los Angeles. It’s the part of going over the mountains and the like that may slow it down. I may decide to avoid the issue of the border and start in Seattle instead of Vancouver. Then again, I may just push the trip back a year. One of the challenges is that I didn’t think that the recovery would take this long. I had planned on a few weeks (3-4) but more realistically, I’m looking at 2-3 months in total before I’m fully recovered. I still want to bike from L.A. to San Diego and back again over a two day period.
Anyways, on top of all that I’ve had my performance review and that went well. I’m still waiting to see what’s happening in regards to the green card. I was pleasantly surprised when my HR department started the process for me without me probing for it. I’m hopeful that it will come through and make somewhat easier for me here in the US. I wanted to take some Spanish courses at a local community college but they require that I live at least a year in California before I can apply. So I’ll be waiting until this fall before starting basic Spanish. In the meantime, I can — at the least — finally try for my driver’s license. It’s been at least 20 years since I last tried and while L.A. drivers on the freeways are scary, I think I could handle regular street traffic. I think I’ll look into AAA membership and see about taking one of their defensive driving classes.
Anyways, that’s the update so far. Life is definitely good right now.
So, I’m on my way to recovery. Before I get into the nitty-gritty I want to say up-front that this particular step is something I’ve always wanted done for a variety of reasons not necessarily tied to my transsexed journey. I have thought about this since I was about 7-8 years old and the decision to finally do it was still with great thought. I learned about procedures, realistic expectations and benefits as well as dangers (there are always risks with any surgery). I don’t think I’ll get too graphic but if I do, consider this your warning.
So since I began this journey I had been contemplating having, what is referred to in the FTM community as “top surgery”. Basically the removal of my breasts in female design and reconstructing my chest to be more masculine. This means reducing breast tissue, fat and nipple size. For smaller chested trans guys this can be done with two incisions just below the armpits (known as a ” peri”). Since I’m not small (and as the doc pointed out I have a decent sized keg) he would do a double-mastectomy along with a little lipoprotein under the armpit.
That surgery I had yesterday. It took about 3 hours and I went home after enough of the anesthesia wore off. I spent most of the sleeping on and off in my new lazy boy (they are an awesome company) and basically subsisting on water, crackers, bland toast and apple sauce. K was home to help me with the drains. With this surgery there is a fluid buildup of blood and other liquids and the drains have to be emptied regularly. once the fluid stops or becomes clear the drains can be removed. That happened today and I finally got to see my new chest.
Although swollen, it looked awesome. He did say that a lot of my upper back pain will likely be gone as a result of the surgery and that is something I’m definitely looking forward to. I go back in about two weeks to see how my new nipples (men’s nipples are smaller and placed wider on the chest than women’s).
He said I’d be swollen for a little while but that will go. Apparently I “lost” 5lbs as a result of the surgery and that I won’t have a perfectly chiseled chest as it’d look odd against my beer gut LOL but I’m happy nonetheless. I’m off for the week and I think I hear the call of the Horde and some steam punk novels. 🙂
I know. I know.
I’m way late for updates. I have to admit work has been busy and I’ve been focused on that recently. It also had me traveling a bit so that added more to my challenges. It’s been fun being able to go to a variety of places for work. Recently, I’ve been to Orlando, Austin, Minneapolis (that gets almost as cold as Ottawa!) and San Jose. And now, I get ready for my most fun trip yet: Sydney, Singapore and Beijing! I’m truly excited about this and buying extra flash cards for the cameras (I’m going to bring both my Powershot and my Canon DSLR with me). I’ve managed to add in a few extra days in Sydney and Beijing to try to do some touristy stuff. Basically, I get 3-4 days in each city (2 days of teaching and 1 day of travel). What will be interesting is how being a transsexual might be viewed or challenged on these trips. I’ve gotten oks for travel for Sydney and Singapore (Australia requires a visa and Singapore I don’t need one) but Beijing is the one that worries me the most. I’m waiting for that one to return an ok on my visa (along with passport and my H1-B visa). I should know by tomorrow.
I finished my taxes early and because of my move and the way that my pay got changed, I’m getting a sweet tax return. Because of this (and some money I had set aside for what I thought I would have to pay) I’m probably going to get a new MacBook Pro for myself along with a couple of other computers (so I can build a home lab environment). And, finally going to do something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time: top surgery. Even as a kid, having “moobs” was never something I liked. I just had no connection to them. I went to a couple of consults, asked a tonne of questions and finally decided on a surgeon. I put down a deposit of $500. I’m hoping that insurance will cover some of it (if it’s 50% or more, I’d be thrilled but any amount is better than nothing).
For me, this is the step I want most. Once done, I will decide afterwards if I want any bottom surgery beyond a hysterectomy (I want that simply because of the risk of cancer increases as I continue to take T and if I get that surgery, then my dosage can be reduced). I so want a summer where I don’t have to wear a binder — and perhaps even go topless. I still have my big bike trip for next year planned, although I need to get my training plan back into some kind of order. I’d like to be able to do this without wearing a binder.
Speaking of health, the training plan got shelved a bit after I threw out my back something fierce (sitting, standing or lying down was painful). I’ve finally got to a chiropractor and have been getting regular treatment to address this long term. The surgeon I saw said that likely this surgery will help with my back pain as he feels I’m overly “top heavy”. I suspect he’s right since I’ve had upper back pain all my life.
In other health fronts, we’ve been wavering on our eating and our vegan lifestyle. This is something that I definitely want to get back to. I have found that when I’m just vegetarian I feel listless and tired but when I’m vegan, particularly raw vegan, I have more energy, focus and direction. I think I need to re-read “The China Study” and re-watch “Earthlings” to remind me of the things I do not want to do and why I don’t want to do it.
Overall, I have to say that my transition has been amazing for me. There is one thing, however, that still saddens me and that is the loss of my dad. He’s around but just doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. In some ways, I understand why (he’s a very right-wing Catholic) but it’s still a bit sad. I suppose since we never really had contact when I was growing up it’s not that big of a deal for me (I’d be more devastated if my aunts, uncles and/or my grandmother refused to speak to me) but still..
Ah well… so that’s all my news for now. I’ll probably do some updates when I’m on the road over the next few weeks (I, oddly enough, leave on my 41st birthday — a week from today!) as I suspect it should make for some interesting reading.
I can honestly say that I’m tired of rain. Heck, at times, it’s been colder in Los Angeles (and wetter!) than in Toronto or other northern cities. Whether the cause is Global Warming or not, isn’t that important. What is important is that the weather patterns are a-changin’. K and I went to Montreal for the festive holidays and ended up staying an extra 3 days thanks to the blizzard that hit the Northeast. It’s interesting how all the Canadian airports had no issue with the storm (even though they handle these kinds of storms regularly) but the big 3 in question — JFK, LaGuardia and Newark — completely fell apart.
I’m thankful that we were staying with family and they had room for us for the extra days but I did feel bad about imposing on them for this extra time. I know that it impacts on the daily routine and sometimes that can be trying. It was still a fun visit, nonetheless. I introduced K to poutine (if you’ve never had this, it is an experience: basically, it’s french fries, cheese curds and gravy). We also indulged in some New Brunswick lobster (tastes very different from Maine or elsewhere). This trip was our last omnivore meal. We’ve reached a point where we want to return back to a vegan diet and primarily one that is a raw vegan diet. I don’t know if we’ll be able to do 100% raw vegan (and, if I could, it’d do 3-4 green smoothies a day) but I’m going to aim for at least 50% if not higher.
I haven’t been back on my bike since we got all the rain and I had all that travel but after my trip this week to San Jose, I should be able to start some cycling for a couple of weeks. One of the things I still have to do is coordinate with a hotel gym when I travel or walk where possible. Given that my next 3 trips will be San Jose, Austin (TX) and Orlando I think walking may be in my future.
So, given that it’s the start of the new year, I suppose I should put up some resolutions. I was going to compare them to last year’s but it appears I didn’t really post any. I suspect that was because I knew things would be somewhat in flux with the move and the visa really being the biggest concerns. Ok.. so here goes.
1. Return back to a vegan lifestyle. I truly can’t take meat or processed foods any more. There still is a part of me that wants to be pescaterian (damned Acadian genes!) but I’m going to avoid that as much as possible. As I said above, I want it to be primarily raw vegan (ideally up to 80%) where possible. I have found that my body is having a harder and harder time with processed foods in general. I’m also cutting out all soda, diet or otherwise. If it ain’t water or whiskey, it’s gonna be a tea.
2. Cycling 3-6 times a week. This will depend on how much on the road I am but if I get what I asked for (once a month) then I should be fine. In addition to this I want to ensure that I do 25 pushups a day and 50 situps (no necessarily all at once but in a series of reps). This would be the basic exercise for every day and should help build some of my core muscles.
3. Do a full completion of the P90X program. I have the DVDs and the space. I just need to do the damned things. I know a lot of trans guys who have done this and they say it’s the best at building up muscle, especially pre-surgery.
4. When not doing P90X or cycling, go for a run. I actually had enjoyed running with my FiveFingers and want to get back to doing that again. I think it’d be a nice alternating exercise to the cycling for me to do as a way to lose weight.
5. Do two centuries to San Diego and back. Nothing gets me on my bike more than having a goal. A century (100 miles in a single day) to San Diego would be a good way to gauge how I’m doing. Doing it twice — once in May (?) and once in August (?) — would be a good way to gauge how my fitness levels are doing. It can also allow me to explore the area more.
6. Get my driver’s license. At 40, I’m weird in that I’ve never gotten it. And I’ll be honest in that the Los Angeles freeways scare the crap out of me. The average speed is about 80-100 mph (well into the 130-150kph range). I don’t know if I’ll ever use the freeways themselves but there are a lot of secondary freeways I could use. I’m aiming to see if I can get this by my 41st birthday or around there.
7. Walk the pups once a day when I’m at home. This will be particularly helpful for Jan to April since K will be working at her dad’s (an accountant) and that’s prime tax season. It’ll also help me get a little more exercise and keep them from being too wild. I particularly want this to be a 45-60 min venture. Pugs don’t need a lot of exercise but it does help keep these two from fighting with each other (they do this dominance thing a bit and the walks reduce that a lot).
8. Read a book a week and write at least once a day. I “hermitized” during 2010. I withdrew a lot because too much was going on and things are settling down quite a bit now into more of a routine. There is still a part of me that aspires to be a fiction writer. I used to want to write sci fi and part of me still does but given how much mystery I read I may lean that way. Or just combine them. I missed out on the 2010 NaWriMo but want to participate this year. I also have an intention of writing a technical book. I’ve been asked a few times to do a couple and there is one that is pending that I need to work on an outline with a colleague and get that started. I also need to be more diligent on my blogs and that is something I should be doing.
9. Get top surgery (at least) but perhaps a hysto as well. I’m thinking I may try to do this before the GOP repeal it (although I just read today how they are going start off the new session with that). I’m hopeful that my insurance provider will still keep the standard they are (as long as it’s consider a medical necessity by a doctor, they will cover it). I’m finding that my GID has been worsening in regards to physical appearance. Although I pass 100% of the time, I’m very self-conscious of certain things. And I’d like to have the top surgery before I do my big trip in 2012.
10. The actual weight loss goal — lose 60lbs by end of 2011. This means dropping from the 240lbs I had in 2009 (at 5’1″, it’s 50% body fat) to about 180lbs. I’ve been steady between 220-230 the last month or so. That is good but I need to continue to get that needle to drop more. My ultimate goal would be 150-160lbs. Although BMI and others say that still overweight, for my body type (stocky/compact) it’d be too much.
All of these are doable for this year. And now that I’ve written them out, I’ve basically made myself accountable to myself to complete them. In addition to all this, I will be migrating this blog (along with the others) to a new internet provider. I recently got an account to have my sites hosted on a virtual server. This will allow me to install and configure things the way I want it. When I get back from San Jose I will begin that process and post up a new link to the new address (it’ll be an IP to start with until the domain gets resolved to the new address).
Bring on 2011!
Well, life has been busy since my last entry. My cycling has dropped off some due to traveling and probably won’t pick up again until the week of Thanksgiving. And then again in mid-December. Although I do love my job, it’s hard to get cycling in when I want to. I recently got Chris Carmichael’s book, The Time Crunched Cyclist. Basically, it’s like his program he used for Lance but adjusted for the average cyclist who wants to do well. I certainly wouldn’t be able to do the Tour de France but i should be able to do a few centuries and my planned tours. I will have to maximize my cycling. I’m tempted to get a new indoor trainer. I used to have one when I lived in Canada (cold nights made it hard to bike then). I think the bigger challenge will be that I’m on the road so much right now and in the near future. The one good thing is that the week of Thanksgiving my company is doing a “shutdown” and I intend to leverage that for a fair amount of cycling. We recently got the dogs a bicycle dog trailer and I might even attempt to see if they like that. If they do, then I can bring them with me on rides.
In other fun stuff, I got my new visa. This is good since it’ll keep me here for a while. It was a bit of nerve racking experience but it’s done. I now have my new passport (with new name) and a visa (also with new name). I went to SSA to get a new SSN with new name and will start the process for a driver’s license as well. I think I’ll also get a California ID as I do need additional ID sometimes and it would be better, when traveling only in the US, to use the state issued ID. So little time and so much to do.
Thanksgiving week will probably be the week I look into finally getting top surgery booked. I still have some weight I need to lose before then. I’ve dropped about 20lbs since earlier this summer and I think I can drop another 30-40lbs before the end of the year. I certainly wouldn’t be buff or perfectly lean but I think I will be in a healthier position for surgery. What is interesting is that I recently checked my company’s benefits site and I noticed that the exclusion for SRS has been removed. In fact, all exclusions seem removed and it’s down to 4 general terms. Since I know quite a few trans individuals who have had Aetna successfully cover their surgery I think I’m going to actively pursue the surgery and coverage under my benefits program.
I can honestly say that this makes life look great. I often post on HuffPost and have been commenting on the articles about Cher’s comments on Chaz in an effort to dispel some of the misinformation on trans individuals. While that can often be discouraging it is the worst I see in life today.
Well things are settling down. K told that the movers are coming today at 7:30am. I am assuming that they have already arrived and dropped stuff off. It will be nice to have a proper desk to do work on rather than the laptop cart I’ve been using for now.
As I write this I’m high above the great state of Texas and I have to admit that there are few places where I don’t feel welcomed. Texas was a first, particularly in San Antonio. It is a very Conservative (read: Tea party) town. It is also a heavily military town but I’m not sure that is the cause. People are polite and friendly but the fact that I wore sandals ( my Keens that I wear to EVERY class and company function I’ve taught and/or been at over the course of my 5 years with my company) along with the fact that I have a single plain eyebrow was bothersome enough for one student to comment that they were not “professional”.
I raise my studded eyebrow to this.
Ya. I don’t wear suits when i teach but I will guarantee that you will get the best educational experience from me. It is that belief that things are either black or white here that would make not want to live here. I had always thought that when I had visited my dad when he lived in Houston that it was the gated community concept where he had lived way back when. I am wondering, however, if I was picking up on the fact that I would never fit into this part of US culture, that traditional Puritan view of life.
I have always been everything but traditional. Growing up from awkward child to awkward adult and the silent peer reviews done by those known and not so known remains a challenge but one I’m not as perturbed as I used to be.
California, in contrast, is a state full of the awkward and unusual life who want nothing more than the same as every Puritan traditionalist — a life to enjoy, a job to bitch and moan about, good food and better beer, and to be accepted within the tribe around them.
Oh wow. I’ve been bad again about keeping things up to date, eh? Lots of good things have happened in the last little while so may be time for an update.
Yes, yes. I did succumb to the hype and got an iPhone 4. And to be honest, I love it. I still haven’t had the same issues that I keep reading about. My signal has been pretty good to begin with and I did get a bumper (which has been recently refunded thanks to Apple). I had been waiting, for what seemed like forever, for Otter Box to release their Defender series case. That arrive today and my iPhone is now snuggled into a decent case to protect against my clumsiness. Thankfully, it’s not as nearly as big as my Blackberry Otter Box case nor as heavy. The multitasking OS is awesome now and far more helpful. I’ve become more of an app addict and have found more apps that are useful for me.
And speaking of apps, I started using C25K (Couch-to-5K). I’ve been using this in the last couple of weeks to increase my weight loss. I had lost 10lbs but had plateaued. With my online teaching and the heat index, I hadn’t been leaving the apartment that much. This program has been helpful at pushing my body to burn more calories. Every other day I run/walk (5 min warmup, 30 min run and 5 min cool down) towards eventually running a 5k (this is a 9 week program). Once I do that, I’ll probably get the “Ease into 10K” (10 week program) or “Bridge to 10K” (6 week program). Thus far, I’ve lost an additional 4lbs (see chart below).
While I still qualify as “morbidly obese”, I’m making progress. I’ve dropped 3+ points on the BMI scale and if I continue at this rate (about 7-8lbs per month, I might break 200 by the end of the year. This would be good for a variety of reasons: better health, top surgery options, better self-opinion of myself. I’ve never been happy with myself when I can barely fit into seats on airplanes and this will help me deal with that better. I’ve lost about 2-3 inches off the waist as well so that’s good.
And I might be flying more (not necessarily more often but rather I may be doing fewer online classes). I’ve gotten a new role in the company. While I’m still an instructor, I’ve also picked up the role of tech lead. This will mean I’ll be doing more specialized classes and a lot of research (which I enjoy and should allow me a more flexible schedule). I’m still waiting to see what happens with the visa (should be hearing on that in September sometime). Although I cannot leave the US until that time is up, I may have to so I can get a new passport. I finally got my birth certificate changed and have sent off for a new SIN number. With the birth certificate and SIN, I could finally get a new passport with my new name.
I don’t think I could ever envision I could be this happy with my life.
Life is good, indeed.
I hate it when I finally find a barber and I know I’ll be leaving in a few months. This always seems to happen. The barber, a young kid really (maybe 20ish), did a great job not only on the fade but also the beard. I’ll probably go once more before the actual final move to L.A.
You lookin' at me?? You lookin' at me??