If you haven’t heard, the economy — especially in the US — sucks. With an overall unemployment rate in the U.S. is 9.6% right now (as of today) and for those who are new graduates, it’s apparently 8.8%. I find it hard to believe and it might be an overall average but doesn’t indicate what it is for various disciplines. I know for K, it’s been a battle. Since she’s been home she’s applied for every job — no matter where in L.A. — that she can find (probably in the order of over 200 jobs in 3 months) and only today got a call back for an interview.

I’m hopeful that this might turn into full employment for her but who knows? At the least, it’s great that she has the interview. It’s been heartbreaking to listen to her as she tries to find work but cannot. As a recent grad, there are no unemployment benefits for her if she cannot find work. The GOP-types (aka deficit hawks) may think that not infusing the economy with funds means a better deficit, I believe it will do the opposite. It reduces the tax base while increasing demand on services. The goal should be to reduce the demand on services and increase the tax base. If more people are working, then more funds come in and the overall tax rate can remain consistent.

I’m lucky enough to be employed and to have a decent salary. It’s enough that I can support us both but it would be tight.

But it would be sweet if she got it.. So if you pray or have good thoughts, offer them towards her interview.

Oh wow. I’ve been bad again about keeping things up to date, eh? Lots of good things have happened in the last little while so may be time for an update.

Yes, yes. I did succumb to the hype and got an iPhone 4. And to be honest, I love it. I still haven’t had the same issues that I keep reading about. My signal has been pretty good to begin with and I did get a bumper (which has been recently refunded thanks to Apple). I had been waiting, for what seemed like forever, for Otter Box to release their Defender series case. That arrive today and my iPhone is now snuggled into a decent case to protect against my clumsiness. Thankfully, it’s not as nearly as big as my Blackberry Otter Box case nor as heavy. The multitasking OS is awesome now and far more helpful. I’ve become more of an app addict and have found more apps that are useful for me.

And speaking of apps, I started using C25K (Couch-to-5K). I’ve been using this in the last couple of weeks to increase my weight loss. I had lost 10lbs but had plateaued. With my online teaching and the heat index, I hadn’t been leaving the apartment that much. This program has been helpful at pushing my body to burn more calories. Every other day I run/walk (5 min warmup, 30 min run and 5 min cool down) towards eventually running a 5k (this is a 9 week program). Once I do that, I’ll probably get the “Ease into 10K” (10 week program) or “Bridge to 10K” (6 week program). Thus far, I’ve lost an additional 4lbs (see chart below).

Get your own graph at skinnyr

While I still qualify as “morbidly obese”, I’m making progress. I’ve dropped 3+ points on the BMI scale and if I continue at this rate (about 7-8lbs per month, I might break 200 by the end of the year. This would be good for a variety of reasons: better health, top surgery options, better self-opinion of myself. I’ve never been happy with myself when I can barely fit into seats on airplanes and this will help me deal with that better. I’ve lost about 2-3 inches off the waist as well so that’s good.

And I might be flying more (not necessarily more often but rather I may be doing fewer online classes). I’ve gotten a new role in the company. While I’m still an instructor, I’ve also picked up the role of tech lead. This will mean I’ll be doing more specialized classes and a lot of research (which I enjoy and should allow me a more flexible schedule). I’m still waiting to see what happens with the visa (should be hearing on that in September sometime). Although I cannot leave the US until that time is up, I may have to so I can get a new passport. I finally got my birth certificate changed and have sent off for a new SIN number. With the birth certificate and SIN, I could finally get a new passport with my new name.

I don’t think I could ever envision I could be this happy with my life.

Life is good, indeed.

But well worth the wait for the Fall. At the end of August, I’ll be heading out to Los Angeles finally. I’ve begun the slow process of getting rid of what we don’t want/need any more. My forays into Craigslist proved to be without success. People expect goldmines for the price of a pack of bubble gum. So I’ve given up on selling it and decided to give it to charity. I figured if I have to give it up for pennies, it might as well go to helping someone truly in need. I think I might try them (likely Salvation Army since they are one of the few who will pick up in Queens — I know, I know; they have a nasty LGBTQ policy but poverty and helping those in need doesn’t) in a couple of weeks and see if they will come and get the sofa, my old desks, the bed frame (I’ll sleep on the mattresses fine), dining room table and about 6 bags of clothes.

So while I’m depressed at being alone (to a degree — whiny, old cat doesn’t count), I’ve had some good things happen. Work wise things are going well. I can’t get into details but there are some changes and it may mean an ok change or a wonderful change. We’ll see. In other work things, there’s a new visa in the works so that bodes well for the long term. So fingers crossed that in September or October I’ll have a new visa.

In other news, I succumbed to all the hype and went for the iPhone 4. I did need to get a new phone since my existing one died a horrible death (closing it caused it to shut down or crash — even on a full new battery). It’s a great phone and I’ve been enjoying it. I think I got the one that actually works compared to the news reports I’ve been reading. I am getting a case for it. The glass front and back make me very nervous. I’m a klutz when it comes to geek gear and this is why I have an Otter Box on my Blackberry. I so need to get one for this thing. Until I get a good case, I’m getting a decent one for now. I may get an armband case/carry as well. I’m going to start running in a couple of weeks to help improve my weight loss.

I got a Body Bugg a few weeks ago to help me track my calorie burned (if you’ve ever seen Biggest Loser, you know what a Body Bugg is). It’s been pretty awesome. I even know how well I sleep each night. It’s been pretty good at helping me keep on track for my caloric intake and output. I still have to record what I eat. I’ve plateaued a bit over the last couple of weeks so I figure running, even 3 times a week, will help break that a bit. Additionally, I’ll have to add push ups and pull ups to my daily routine to help me improve my chest muscles in prep for future plans.

Anyways, to say that life is good is an understatement albeit a bit lonely with K.

I’ve decided to go for the gusto and pay off a huge chunk of one of the remaining credit cards. It should mean that it will be completely paid off by end of next month (something that is very doable). This will leave me with one credit card and the line of credit left. I will always need one credit card for monthly things (e.g., phone, storage in Ontario, etc.) but I’m thinking that once this card is paid off, it may be worthwhile to cancel it and use my RBC Visa for that purpose (it has the lower % at 11.99% compared to 15% at BMO MC). One of the other things I’m going to try to do is use PayPal for payment of things. This makes life easier and it means I can pay cash (so to speak). And if I don’t have the cash, I don’t buy.

It almost seems that ever since I started paying this stuff off, things have been on an upswing for me. And it feels good. I’ve gotten news that the company is, in fact, working on a new visa for me and one that might be able to translate into a green card. I never thought I’d want to stay here. I’ll admit to the fact that there are still some things that make me wonder about the sanity of some but all-in-all most Americans I’ve met are simple, honest people just wanting to make a home, earn a living and spend time with family (not all the time otherwise the sanity will go out the window). And I do like it here. It’s hard for me to stay because there are times I miss my family (thank goodness for video Skype!) and want to go home. But other times I just enjoy what life has to offer here and it’s just as fun. I know some of it is just being tired of moving and wanting to settle down in one place and not have to go through a move. I’ve done enough over my lifetime that I know I hate it. But, if I want to be somewhere, I’m gonna have to take the plunge.

At least, with a move to California, I’m in a better financial spot than I was looking at before. It’s amazing how much financial stress can affect a person and a desire to interact with people at times. With better control on this, I think there is a real end-point in sight. Keeping a tight reign on spending and moving things forward otherwise, I should be good in the long run.

So this weekend was good. I had originally planned on going for nice long walks on Saturday and Sunday but had nearly forgotten about my H&R Block appointment on Saturday. Geesh! Where does the time go?? It is that time of the year again, tax time. I figured I’d get some back and H&R Block are pretty good about reminding me about things I can cover as expenses and such. I owe a small amount to NYC for city taxes (only because the company didn’t realize I was in NYC area and thus, taxed under it). But it’s really small. Between what I get back from the Feds and what I owe for NYC and paid towards H&R, I’ll get back a fair amount. Additionally, after discussing it with my preparer I may have held back more money from my stocks than I needed to. If I’m right, between the return and the difference another credit card may yet bite the bullet. Even if I don’t use that amount, nearly a third will go *poof* thanks to the Federal return. Paying off this particular credit card will be important since the interest rate is 29%!! It’s absurd how much they can charge in interest. Heck, loan sharks seem to charge less in some regards. Once this one is done, then I’ll go after the remaining credit card and then, lastly, the line of credit (which has the lowest interest of anything I have). I’m contemplating canceling two Canadian credit cards (Amex and Visa) since I have ones down here but I may keep the Visa and just trash the Mastercard. They give me the most grief since I don’t have a Canadian address any more.

And as always, I checked my FICO score in both Canada and the US. I do this for two reasons: first, to see if there are an discrepancies between the reality of me and what they think I have, and second, to see how I fair out there. My Canadian FICO is actually good (mid-700s) while my US FICO is a little low (mid-600s) but I think the lower US score is due to only being here for two years. I’m sure as time passes that will get better and better. My plan to get a house is more realistic as each day passes. I’ve been better about my spending and this will alleviate some of it. If I continue as I have been, I should be credit card and line of credit debt free by this time in 2012. And that is definitely a good thing.

As I was writing this entry, I went ahead and canceled my Canadian AMEX. It was surprisingly easy. They even had it as part of their automated telephone system. It was weird, however, since I was hoping to speak to them and have to battle to get it canceled. But I suspect the major ones, especially if you don’t use it that often or if it’s paid off, are not really interested in fighting you for it. Ever since I took that leap and paid off most of my debt, I’ve felt free and more alive. It’s a great feeling. Getting rid of it completely will be awesome.

After doing that, I got a call. It was CNN. I finally did that interview with the intern. It was nice and very polite conversation. It’ll be interesting to see the final piece. He said it’ll be by the end of the week or sometime next week. (knowing news media it’s possible that it could be pre-empted by some disaster somewhere and that’s fine). I’ll give credit to CNN that they are, at least, attempting to put us more in the spotlight and not as some freak show. They seem genuinely interested in who we are and how we got to where we’re at. I still think they need to cover more of the rainbow of the types of trans individuals and not just the white side of things. What I face as challenges are far, far different than what POC trans individuals face. That I have no illusions about and I mentioned that as well.

Last week I took a huge step and cashed in a whack of stock. This morning, I woke up to the proceeds of that. I took a chunk of it and sent it off to an ING Direct account (for tax payment later on). The rest I used to pay off 4 credit cards, the majority of my line of credit and huge payments on remaining credit cards (2). It is nice to be free of about 60% in a few minutes. And more importantly, the interest that would have accumulated with it and the stress that comes with that. I quick but not wholly accurate estimate is that I saved about $10K in interest alone.

Yes.

That’s thousand.

That’s the cost of top surgery. What is nice about this is my line of credit (which has the lowest of all interest rates — prime + 1%) , once it’s paid off, could be used to fund my top surgery. So the goal will be to lose 60-80lbs between now and 2011 (this year has too many things going on) and schedule with — Browstein in San Francisco. I’m pretty sure we’ll be in California by then and I should be able to schedule this finally. It’s something I want before the bike trip from San Fran to L.A. K and I had talked about this as part of the immediate two year plan for us.

But the other thing that this brings is me closer to the ownership of a house. This is something that I’ve wanted for a long while. I want to own my own place. Not for investment purposes but more for settling down and creating a history for myself. I want roots somewhere. I’ve spent most of my life on the move and being able to be in one place and being content there is important to me. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind the mortgage (although I want to reduce that as soon as possible). I just don’t want to be constantly on the move and constantly at the whim of a landlord.

So I’ve had a busy week. I got my 2nd 15 minutes of fame in my life (my first was when my mom died and some friends did a wine and cheese to raise awareness about violence against women in Canada). This week CNN has been doing a few pieces on what it’s like to be transgendered/transsexual and they wanted members of the community to transmit messages to the world at large. Yesterday I got a ping from one of the editors who wanted more info about me (including phone number). As it turned out my iReport was used as the main iReport for the overall concept (see here: http://www.ireport.com/ir-topic-stories.jspa?topicId=417959). It’s rather flattering. I checked out Anderson Cooper’s interview with Chaz and some of the responses/comments to it. Most people seemed to be saying “Why? I don’t understand..”.

Possibly the only way I know how to answer that is with a question: Explain to me what it’s like to feel completely at home in your gender, where looking in the mirror you think to yourself “Yup. That’s me”.  It’s odd that this is something that has always been part of my life, like a dull migraine in the back of my head but one that I never really examined until I saw that perhaps there was a way to get rid of it. And when I understood that there was a variety of paths I could take, including on that might actually result in me seeing the “inner me”, it was time for a jump. I have not regretted any part of my transition thus far and I still have more to go, along with the challenges associated with them. One of the biggest is surgery. I so desperately want top surgery and I’d like to get it before going on my bike trip next year.

So to that end, I cashed in some stock that I got as a bonus (the government took it’s overly fair share) and the rest will go to wiping out nearly 60-70% of my debt in one fell swoop. I still have more shares left over and those I might use towards surgery itself if I cannot get it covered under health insurance. I’m waiting until I get to L.A. and there I will be aggressively aiming at losing weight. I’ve fluctuated at losing about 10 lbs but I need to shed more. I have to bring myself down by nearly another 90lbs. I’ve let the exercise go by the wayside because of a few life challenges but will be trying to incorporate those again. I’ll also be looking at pursuing a more raw vegan lifestyle.

K and I discussed the move the other night and we decided to sell or donate all larger items (except for the printer, bikes and humidors) or stuff we don’t need. Books and non-critical stuff we’ll send via USPS while critical or sensitive stuff we’ll send via UPS. This makes only Bobcat the issue when moving (she won’t like it but hopefully this will be the last plane trip for her). Once we’re in L.A. we get furniture there. I’ll be selling my Dell desktop and I’ll get a new personal desktop when I’m in L.A. (likely go Apple but not sure yet as to whether to get a Tower or a Mac Book Pro). The thing that I like is that it removes my attachment to things and allows me to purge the things I really don’t use/need. This should, theoretically, make life simplier. As I look around I realize there is a lot of clutter in my life and things I really don’t need. I’ve gotten better at asking myself “Do you really need that? Wait a night or two before buying it, if at all possible”.  Books, in particular, fall under this category. I LOVE to read and I LOVE to learn. Books, for me, have always been the avenue for this. Most of the books I tend to keep are technical books since I tend to use them as reference (I have a heard time reading on my laptop or other computer screen although I’m ok on my iPod — go figure).

Of course, tied in with this stress over the move (exact date TBD) is the stress over the work visa. And it appears I may be getting a new one. This new one should lead me to a green card and then, well… who knows. If we get just get the visa part settled, it would alleviate a lot. Add to that the wait for the new birth certificate. Now that I’ve settled all the uproar over what commissioner they wanted (a commission of oaths), I’m now waiting for the actual certificate to come through. Then I can move forward on a SIN and then — yay! — new passport with a new picture! Gender will still be F for now. Until I have surgery, I cannot get that changed. Once I do have the surgery, I get to go through this all over again…

Whoop.

Dee.

Doo.

I doing some prep work for an upcoming class and feeling rather confident about it. But still worried. No matter how much you prepare there are always little things that you miss here and there. It had been a while since I had been at my trans support group so going last night was good. The atmosphere had changed a bit in some ways but the good heart and support that the group aims to provide was still there. I worry about not being able to find that in Los Angeles when we move there next year.

And I must say I am rather excited about it. The idea of a new adventure is sometimes enough to jump start things. I’m still hopeful that I might get surgery before then but hard to say. So in the meantime, I’m contemplating options that would allow me to pay off all/most debt, cover surgery or both. And I think I might have an option. If I can’t get surgery covered before leaving NYC, then I’ll put this other plan in motion and sometime late next year (end of 2010) or beginning 2011 I’ll look into that option.

And recently, I feel like I’ve been waking up again emotionally and spiritually. Not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s finding a new zest for life elsewhere and a new adventure. We’ll see. I’m still working on the fight against the red tape of the Ontario government and that’s still no easy task but I’m hopeful that I may have found what they needed. I should have remembered that whatever you figure it will take for something to complete, double the time you expect it to finish. Maybe I can have my IDs in my new name before my 40th in the spring.

Oh ya. And speaking of my 40th, I had wanted a party (and I still do) but I know fiscally it may be impossible to get everyone together for my 40th since a lot of friends and family are north of the border. Perhaps I should do something like a 2-4 for the 44th or something like that. I think the reality is may need to wait until we’re settled in L.A. or do something else. Not sure yet. It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated any birthday as a party I’ve forgotten what’s involved with the whole process. In some ways, I’d almost want to wait until I get my dream house but that’s a few years down the road. For those curious, my dream house would be a decent sized house (3-5 bedrooms) on 1-2 acres with neighbours that are about a 2-4 min walk away. A small community ideally (weird for a city boy, I’m sure), living off the grid (weirder for a geek) but with internet (the geek demands it) and a garden that is nearly self-sustaining (reality is we’d probably need a lot of variety of things so west coast living can help supplement some of this — maybe I could barter IT expertise for various fruits and veggies). I still want to be debt free (the credit cards and loans gone) and just have a house and car to worry about. Oh ya. That driver’s license thing.

I can honestly say that I’m tired of the noise of leaf blowers, the yelling in the street, the honking, etc. I crave the quiet of the leaves rustling, the sound of birds, the awe of a starry night sky. It’s the romantic in me but also the little boy that grew up often at a cottage in a small town on the St. Lawrence where big bonfires, roasted marshmallows and lots of friends with bellowing laughter ensued. Or visiting a cousin where she grew up and lived in the same place all her life, where she knew where home was. Home is where your heart is but sometimes it’s also where peace is; batteries can be recharged and meditation can happen without competition.

More things for the bucket list. On the plus, I have realized that I’ve paid a small chunk off of one credit card and if I continue at this rate, this one should be paid off sooner than later. I’m still working on the others and still believe I can do this.

And for those who asked, here’s the link to the recipe I used for the Vegan Red Velvet Cake. By the way, it’s all gone. I may make another or something else for our Vegan thansgiving and our 3rd anniversary together.

So after the Planet Fitness stuff and my recent doctor’s visit showed that I’m overall doing well as far as health I could use some exercise (one of the major challenges and downfalls to working at home more often than not). So I decided to make it simple and cheap.

1. Walking up all the stairs at least once a day for a week and then changing it two doing it twice in one “sitting”. I found out that doing this once will burn off about 140 calories (we’re on the top — 7th floor — of the building so I run down all the stairs and then walk up them at an even but brisk pace).

2. I have two kettle balls (one’s 15lbs and the other 25lbs) and an adjustable dumbell (from 1lb to 15lbs). I use these for simple curls, triceps and such.

3. I got an Iron Gym after recommended to me by a few guys in a support group. When I first started using it, I actually saw results. I don’t know why I stopped but I started again. Great for back muscles (lats, traps and such).

4. I haven’t started the situps and pushups yet but will start those soon.

I figure the sooner I get into this as a habit the better. From Jan until April 1 I’ll be home for all of it except two weeks (one week will be in Toronto and another in Vegas).

Dumb bell cost: $12
Kettle bells cost: $50
Iron Gym cost: $29.99
Sweat trickle down back, knowing I’m losing weight on my terms & without some contract: priceless.

Well, it was a busy and exhausting week. I do love teaching and I love it even more, when doing online, to share the duties with someone else. However, there are a couple of courses I teach online that only need one instructor (largely due to the size of the class) and I had both of those this week. The reviews were really good. To add even more to ending the week on a good note, I found out I passed my certification (I had written the beta version of the certification in August and there has been some mix up over results).

But while all this is good, there are still things that dampened my happiness. K’s mom sent back my birth certificate stuff (I asked her to be my guarantor since I need someone who’s a “professional”) and I sent that off to Ontario’s Registrar General. I’m hoping that they do a quick turn-over on that and that I didn’t miss anything. It’s annoying to not have my email match my name. Once the birth certificate is done, then I send it off to Employment Canada to get my SIN (Social Insurance Number) redone. I figure that’ll be done by the end of the year (given the speed of most government departments). I kinda wonder if it’s a global thing that government departments run at the pace of a slow moving snail. Maybe it’s a requirement or something?

Honestly, however, it’s not the name change thing that’s bugging me. It’s surgery. Two specifically. While the second isn’t as critical (yet) for me, the first one is: top surgery (double mastectomy) and bottom (for now, hysterectomy would suffice). I can’t get it covered under my present plan and they specifically exclude GRS/SRS from coverage. If I switch to another provider (assuming that the HealthCare Reform doesn’t go through), I technically have a pre-existing condition (GID) that could preclude me from coverage there. Which really sucks. So, I’m going to have to save (about $10,000) in addition to paying off debt.

Sigh.

I just have to remind myself I can do this. It’s very conceivable to save up the money as well as pay off the debt.  It’s kind of like having motivation to lose weight: being determined as to what the final goal is. Does it mean I’ll fall off the wagon now and again? Oh, sure. But if I keep at it, I’ll have more steps forward than back. I think one of the things that would help (well, two actually) is a slight raise (haven’t had one in a couple of years now) and a green card. I think both of those would be welcomed. In just over 13 months, my present visa will expire (unless they get the extension, which tacks on another 2 years to it). I’d rather have the green card. I think I’ve proven that I’m here for the company and will be staying well beyond the life of the green card. Either Oct or November will be annual review time so I’m going to have to figure out how to word this best.

Sometimes, I just wish I could win the lottery — even a little 2nd place. I know I’m not in a horrible situation and know that I put myself in this situation but there are times when I could just use the breather. And don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the roof over my head, the beautiful love in my life and the job I have. I know many others are no where near that. But… [insert whiney voice here]