I must have done good since K ate two slices.
I figured it may be a good idea to show what I looked like back in 2007 to compare how I look now. How things have changed.I think I look better today than I did then but.. eh..
Tonight, after feeding Rosie, I heard a loud meow as I cleaned the dishes. I rushed out to find Rosie lying down, her breathing laboured. I picked her up, tears in my eyes and held her. She gave a few deep breaths, mewed and then died in my arms. She had really grown on me. As feral and anti-social as she had been when we first got her, she had a little special place in my heart. I kept at trying to socialize her with the both of us and Bobcat. She eventually had come out of her shell, growing playful with string and little red laser dots that moved. She was very quiet and rarely meowed (usually when food was out). She always ate little and was tiny but in the last month she ate even less. It’s hard to believe we’ve gone from four furrkids to one in just over a year.
Goodbye, my sweet little Rosie. You will be missed.
Yesterday was a busy day and heart-wrenching. Rosie hasn’t been too well. We noticed that she had swollen glands under her jaw and wasn’t eating a lot (which can be hard to detect because she generally doesn’t eat that much). So I took her in to see the vet yesterday. This wasn’t a fun experience. I don’t like this particular vet practise but it’s the only one in the area so we’re kinda stuck in regards to this. The vet informed me that it’s likely the effect of FeLV.
This puzzled me since I could have sworn that they had said she was only exposed to FeLV (Feline Leukemia Virus) but apparently she has it. The question is whether she has the immune system strong enough to fight it. I know that Bobcat, at a robust age of 15, can fight it. But Rosie, given her timid nature has more of an uphill battle to face. The vet said that Rosie lost over 1.5lbs since her last visit (June 08 — she weight about 5.9lbs and now is at 4.2lbs).
I was shocked! I knew she had lost some weight but didn’t realize it was this much. Definitely not a good thing. So we got antibiotics (to deal with the swollen glands), vitamin “goo” (tastes like tuna apparently and should help give her necessary vitamins she may be missing because of not eating) and a medication that should kick her immune system into gear to fight off the FeLV. I’m hopeful that the antibiotics will help her eat more, the vitamins give her more energy and that her immune system isn’t weakened too much. As frustrated as I am that the previous owner didn’t know or let us know that both Julia and Rosie had FeLV, I’m glad that, at the worst, they got to enjoy a full life — as short as it may have been or will be — with us. I admit that K and I spoil our furrkids.
And as feral as Rosie is, she’s got this little special place in my heart. She has this absolute innocence about things and a love for the simplest of things. Her favourite toy? a piece of cotton string I got for her. It’s impressive that she is able to play with it given how, not too long ago, she was afraid of anything that moved. She’s still not quite a lapcat but perhaps with time, she will be. I know we won’t give up on her yet and I’m just hoping she hasn’t given up yet.
Ok. So I have no dog but Bobcat is pretty close to one.
I’m pretty lucky, I do have to say. When it comes to family, I’m probably luckier than most. My family may not fully understand all of why I’m doing what I’m doing and they may (or may not) make a full effort but they do love me regardless and want me to be happy regardless. That is all that matters. I know that I’ll never be disowned, disregarded, ignored, shunned or thrown out (although the last is hard to do since I live my life independently now.
I called both my aunts today and talked with one who I haven’t seen in over a year for a good half one. It was a nice conversation and made me miss my family more. We talked a bit about my transition. I don’t believe in forcing them to call me by my chosen name for the main reason that they only do see me once a year or so. They are trying and I definitely give them credit for that. It’s not easy for them to “flip” overnight from the person they had seen and identified as their “niece” to the visual person that will become their “nephew” but I’m sure it will come.
One thing that I’m most lucky to have is K and the furrkids. The furrkids love me unconditionally as I am (particularly if I’ve got food in my hands). Rosie is still a skittish 2 year old but she does follow us both around and talks to us in her tiny, high voice. Bobcat, at 15 years, still is rather talkative (almost too talkative at times) and has become a marathon sleeper. She’d win the Olympic Sleeping division, if such a thing existed. She’s sometimes playful (when the weather is cooler like in spring or fall) but truly is active when food is late (at least to her tummy). She’ll never turn down a cuddle and purrs like mad when held. Neither furr kid has objected to my changing voice or appearance. I’m still “daddy” to them.
And then there’s K, my rock in life. I’ve been truly blessed at having a partner who is understanding, open and caring enough to support me through this whole process. It’s not just the physical that changes but the whole person that changes during transition. We are, actually, constantly transitioning our souls as we age, experience and move forward in life. I feel like I’ve been reborn again (Born Again Human?) and am going through my third life (I often divide my life up to Life Before my Mom’s Murder in 1992, Life After her Murder and Life after 2005). I’ve been lucky enough to have a transition that has been straight forward, simplistic and fairly uncomplicated (save for work visa issues). K has been understanding enough to let me be a kid again, explore things (e.g., my cigar hobby) and laugh heartily with me as we venture out in the world and sleep deeply under the stars at night. I look at my little family and know one thing (and it’s the most important thing):
I am home.
I downloaded and slightly modified this picture from GeoEye’s Website. If you look in the center at the little “grayish/brown specs” you’ll realize those are people. And there were a lot of them there.